Pregnant 2L Summer Forum

[rayiner]

Honestly, if you want a big family (3 or more kids?), biglaw is not for you in the long term. You can certainly work for awhile to help pay down any student debt you have. Guys do that, too, of course. If you are in it for the long haul, however, I never knew a single woman partner or associate who stayed very long at all after the third kid. It is simply too hard and there are only so many hours in a day. Good luck, however, whatever you decide.

I interviewed with a midlaw partner who had 5 kids and a SAHD. It seemed to be working great for her.

SAHD is key. It's too bad that most successful women would never consider marrying a guy who wasn't too ambitious to be a SAHD.

[evergirl23]

I am a currently pregnant rising 3L who received offers from both of the firms I worked at this past summer (I did a full summer program at one firm and also returned to my 1L firm). No one even blinked an eye at my pregnancy. I started at 4.5 months pregnant, and while almost no one would have been able to tell, I announced it to my summer class - I had told the firm a few weeks prior - because it was just easier not to have to hide it. None of the attorneys I worked with had anything negative to say about it, and many of the women I worked with said that if they had it to do again, they would have started their families while in law school.

To the OP - the things that were said early on about timing it to your second trimester are great. If it is your first baby, you likely won't 'pop' until after 20-24 weeks or so. It was only in my last 2-3 weeks at my firm that I started to really look pregnant. Also, your second trimester is likely the one where you will be feeling the best. Though not true universally, for most women the extreme exhaustion and possible nausea of the first trimester is gone, and the potential third trimester discomfort has not yet kicked in. I would also consider your schedule for your 3L year in making the choice as to whether to try and get pregnant. My husband and I planned on having a baby during 3L (I am in my early 30s and did not want to take maternity leave as a young associate or wait till I was in my late 30s for a baby) and I structured my classes accordingly during my 2L year. As a result, I am in a relatively good position as I start this academic year. I also chose a law school (NU) that I knew had a good support structure in place for student moms.

OP (or anyone else) please PM me if you have other questions about my experience - giving people the option to respond is why I did not post anonymously. Obviously I cannot tell you exactly what your experience will be, but I am happy to share more about my own.

[dresden doll]

I don't see how this proves that your no offer had anything to do with your pregnancy.

+1. Non-pregnant people also get no-offered on account of a lack of personality fit. Why would you assume that the only thing 'wrong' with you was that you were pregnant?

[Other25BeforeYou]

Honestly, if you want a big family (3 or more kids?), biglaw is not for you in the long term. You can certainly work for awhile to help pay down any student debt you have. Guys do that, too, of course. If you are in it for the long haul, however, I never knew a single woman partner or associate who stayed very long at all after the third kid. It is simply too hard and there are only so many hours in a day. Good luck, however, whatever you decide.

I interviewed with a midlaw partner who had 5 kids and a SAHD. It seemed to be working great for her.

SAHD is key. It's too bad that most successful women would never consider marrying a guy who wasn't too ambitious to be a SAHD.

Huh? I thought a good guy who was willing to be a SAHD was pretty much the holy grail for straight female attorneys on the partnership track. I know it's the dream for me, and have had a number of friends say the same.

[Anonymous User]

I am doing a two-year clerkship following graduation. Would it be crazy to plan to have a baby during the clerkship? Say half-way through? I would take a short maternity leave to cut down on the amount of time I would be missing during the clerkship.

[Anonymous User]

I am doing a two-year clerkship following graduation. Would it be crazy to plan to have a baby during the clerkship? Say half-way through? I would take a short maternity leave to cut down on the amount of time I would be missing during the clerkship.

It's dangerous to presume a short maternity leave. There are a lot of reasons why you may need more time off than you think. That said, it's a question of relatively good timing. I don't think many people would argue that you'd be better off going through pregnancy and childbirth at a firm than with your judge.

[killerhedgehog]

Why do some people have attitudes about nannies? I don't understand this at all. I think this comes from people who didn't grow up with a nanny in the house. All of my friends had nannies when I was growing up. I realize that is possibly because I live in NYC and that nannies may be less common in other places. Even stay at home moms had nannies to help with their kids.

No one felt the parents were abandoning their kids. The parents very much remain in control of the children's lives- but it is physically impossible to be in two places at the same time. Having someone help get the kids organized and to help with travel to and from daily activities doesn't mean the nanny is raising the kids. Often the parents can be less stressed and more focused on the child if they have support.

A lot of people on here were spawned in the suburbs and hold onto some uniquely suburban ideas about child rearing. Suburban culture is built on isolation. The 3-5 person nuclear family lives isolated from other people on a 0.5-2 acre plot of land serving as a buffer against having to interact with people. Any interactions are carefully controlled and scripted (e.g. dinner parties). To people raised in this environment, the idea of a "stranger" coming into your house to take care of your children is scary.

I spent the first five years of my life in Dhaka, Bangladesh, even even though we lived in a compound with walls to keep people out it didn't prepare me for the utter isolation that characterizes American suburban culture. Because we lived in the city, people were over all the time. My mom didn't work, but I spent most of my time interacting with my nanny (a teenage boy!) or my aunts.

Had a "yaya" til I was 12. Metro Manila life is harsh, hence I grew up in isolation. Still I don't feel neglected. Life in that city was toilsome.

[Abbie Doobie]

sweet necro, and on your first post too...off to a great start

[DELG]

Omg what a delightful necro. Wonder how Rayiner feels about being a SAHD today

[Anonymous User]

Honestly, if you want a big family (3 or more kids?), biglaw is not for you in the long term. You can certainly work for awhile to help pay down any student debt you have. Guys do that, too, of course. If you are in it for the long haul, however, I never knew a single woman partner or associate who stayed very long at all after the third kid. It is simply too hard and there are only so many hours in a day. Good luck, however, whatever you decide.

I interviewed with a midlaw partner who had 5 kids and a SAHD. It seemed to be working great for her.

SAHD is key. It's too bad that most successful women would never consider marrying a guy who wasn't too ambitious to be a SAHD.

Eh, i'm one of 9 kids. My mom was a big law partner, retired a few years ago. My dad worked full time as well. but b/c of their positions we were able to have one at home almost all the time - work from home and all. All of us kids are normal - no drug additions/alcoholics, all went to good schools, have jobs now (except for my 5 younger sibs still in middle/high school and college). It'll depend on the people and how you are as a parent