Poverty, taste, and biglaw Forum

[dixiecupdrinking]

Jesus Christ, SC was just trying to point out that the OP should take some solace in the fact that s/he won't be the only person who might feel uncomfortable negotiating the firm culture. Lots of people come from backgrounds that alienate them a bit from those conventionally in positions of power in these kinds of institutions, which seems relatively uncontroversial. Give it a rest.

[Renzo]

Whoever turned this into a politics discussion is a jerk

and, I might add, needs to worry more about social faux pas than the OP.

[Leira7905]

*Is straight from undergrad*

You don't know anything about me.

*Thinks that no 1Ls have valuable insight into working in a professional environment with highly paid professionals*

Nope. I just think that you have no valuable insight because you haven't worked at a big law firm, and that working for another corporation doesn't necessarily make you qualified to speak on this issue.

It doesn't mean he's not qualified either... terrible assumption.

[Julio_El_Chavo]

this thread has turned into:

[Stanislaw Carter]

What? Why do you have to be 2L, 3L, and beyond to have had experience interacting with professionals with a higher socio-economic status... Some people have relevant input from previous professions/life experience.

I'm not at all making a general statement about class seniority and qualification to comment. For example, if one was an analyst at Goldman Sachs prior to law school, I'd think that person would have a lot to add.

I am speaking specifically about veyron because I have read his post history and know that his background qualifies him to say nothing here. From what I can tell, he's a middling 1L who posts endlessly about jobs he's never going to get.

[DoubleChecks]

is this now just a cute pissing contest between the two of you? lol because i dont think you guys were even in actual conflict over the original point lol

[Leira7905]

is this now just a cute pissing contest between the two of you? lol because i dont think you guys were even in actual conflict over the original point lol

Sorry.

[DoubleChecks]

is this now just a cute pissing contest between the two of you? lol because i dont think you guys were even in actual conflict over the original point lol

Sorry.

lol nah, actually i shouldnt have contributed either (stoking the fire), though this thread is pretty derailed by now haha.

[Stanislaw Carter]

My bad. I also dislike veyron, so that might have heightened things. I'm done now.

[Veyron]

My bad. I also dislike veyron, so that might have heightened things. I'm done now.

No, no, give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.

*Grins maniacally*

[Leira7905]

My bad. I also dislike veyron, so that might have heightened things. I'm done now.

Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.

*Grins maniacally*

Sith Lord Veyron.... has a nice ring to it.

[gabbagabba]

Bugatti sounds better

[Veyron]

Bugatti sounds better

No, Sith Lord Bugatti sounds like a pimp.

[rinkrat19]

I don't wanna out myself.

I am very very poor. I bought my OCI suit at target. Never been to any fancy restaurant, never played golf, never skied, tasted wine, been to operas, etc.

I am going to work for a Biglaw this summer. I can imagine partners and associates there are wealthy. They probably often talk about playing golf, skiing, or whatever luxurious activities, which I never imagine I would ever do.

Is this a problem? I guess, in those firm social events, I would look like Eliza Doolittle.

Back to the original topic...
OP, why do you not imagine yourself at least trying some of those things someday? Be willing to try new stuff, especially since you'll have the cash to open up some more options! Take up a new "wealthy" hobby or two, they're fun! BTW, wine, nice food, golf and skiing are perfectly accessible to the middle class. Municipal golf courses are cheap and there are plenty of places to ski that aren't Aspen. You don't have to give up (or turn your back on) the things you grew up doing, but trying new things will also give you more common ground with other people everywhere, not just at work.

For now, be honest without constantly bringing up your background like it's some kind of excuse, and don't obstinately cling to your old way of doing everything when it's not appropriate. Say "You know, I'm no good with wine, what would you recommend?" instead of "shee-it, where I come from, Coors is what we drink when we're gettin' fancy, I don't want any of that fancy wine crap!"

Someone else mentioned table manners. Holy shit, yes. Nothing outs you like not knowing what to do with your napkin or holding your fork in your fist. There are books (and probably websites) that can teach you table manners, and it doesn't cost anything to read them and learn it. You probably won't be comfortable in a fancy restaurant until you've gone a few times, so it might be worth it to scrape up the change and go somewhere decent once in a while on your own. (And I'm not talking the Waldorf, just something nicer than Olive Garden.) Just go for a drink and dessert, if you can't splurge for a whole meal.

Be polite, be honest, be appreciative, be open to new things, and DON'T go all Uriah Heep, bowing and scraping and announcing to all and sundry how 'umble you are.

[Veyron]

First of all, the advice to be yourself and be interested in learning about new things is credited.

Second, I feel the same way at some events. And I am from the upper east side of New York. That being said, I never bought into snobbery for the sake of snobbery and refuse to engage in it. I am going to a very techie firm, and I actually really like the people that I have met at my firm - I truly enjoy firm events. Probably because people don't talk about annoying snobby bullshit.

But I've been to firm events (my boyfriend's firm, super old school firm) where people do. Some of it really is grin and bear it (and try not to eye roll people when they begin a sentence with "so I read in the New Yorker", they ask you what your favorite Robert Parker wine selection is, or if you prefer Sardinia or Corsica for vacation - ), but sometimes people want to teach you what they are talking about instead of just showing off their knowledge about rich people crap. It is actually in very poor taste for people you are with to "talk over" someone about something they don't know a lot about (i.e. a detailed conversation on wines). /rant

I have found that the partners are really easy to talk to, though, both at my firm and his. They seem interested in what my interests in law are and have great stories about their careers - people love talking about themselves, esp. big-egoed biglaw partners. I actually find it harder to interact with the staff than with partners or associates.

*Does not buy into snobbery*

*Mentions is from NYC (the upper east side no less) in third sentence*

[Kohinoor]

this thread has turned into:

Very early on it was already the douchiest thread I've seen on TLS in a long time.

[Moxie]

I don't wanna out myself.

I am very very poor. I bought my OCI suit at target. Never been to any fancy restaurant, never played golf, never skied, tasted wine, been to operas, etc.

I am going to work for a Biglaw this summer. I can imagine partners and associates there are wealthy. They probably often talk about playing golf, skiing, or whatever luxurious activities, which I never imagine I would ever do.

Is this a problem? I guess, in those firm social events, I would look like Eliza Doolittle.

If you've watched the news/sports anytime before you go to an event, you should never be out of things to discuss. Just be sociable, not socially awkward, and you'll be fine.

Nobody cares how poor you were growing up, but also don't make a point of emphasizing it to them.

[crumpetsandtea]

*Does not buy into snobbery*

*Mentions is from NYC (the upper east side no less) in third sentence*

... :\

I don't think she mentioned it as a subconscious attempt to be snobby or 'show off' that she was from the upper east side--she was trying to make OP feel better by saying that everyone feels like Eliza Doolittle in some situations, and sometimes it's less about you 'missing out on rich people things' and more about others being pretentious. There was no need to make a sarcastic comment, she was clearly only trying to help OP.

[FantasticMrFox]

I don't wanna out myself.

I am very very poor. I bought my OCI suit at target. Never been to any fancy restaurant, never played golf, never skied, tasted wine, been to operas, etc.

I am going to work for a Biglaw this summer. I can imagine partners and associates there are wealthy. They probably often talk about playing golf, skiing, or whatever luxurious activities, which I never imagine I would ever do.

Is this a problem? I guess, in those firm social events, I would look like Eliza Doolittle.

If you've watched the news/sports anytime before you go to an event, you should never be out of things to discuss. Just be sociable, not socially awkward, and you'll be fine.

Nobody cares how poor you were growing up, but also don't make a point of emphasizing it to them.

I think this is the best advice for you;
You don't seem like an anti-social awkward creep but just a person shied into self-restraint from your socio-economic status so just don't cower either as soon as something is mentioned that you've never experienced due to cost. Besides, respect isn't (well, shouldn't) solely based with materialistic ruler; I've always valued genuine personalities over genuine brands.

[Veyron]

*Does not buy into snobbery*

*Mentions is from NYC (the upper east side no less) in third sentence*

... :\

I don't think she mentioned it as a subconscious attempt to be snobby or 'show off' that she was from the upper east side--she was trying to make OP feel better by saying that everyone feels like Eliza Doolittle in some situations, and sometimes it's less about you 'missing out on rich people things' and more about others being pretentious. There was no need to make a sarcastic comment, she was clearly only trying to help OP.

Au contraire, I'm a fan of (deserved) snobbery, but I cannot abide by false modesty.

[vanwinkle]

I'm going to take this time to warn everyone (especially those who have existing warnings) that we do ban people for race-baiting arguments in the on-topic forums. Let's get away from that right now so I don't have to start flashing red cards.

[worldtraveler]

OP I'm also from a more modest background than most of my classmates, and so occasionally I've been stuck in conversations like what you're describing. However, regardless of your background, there will be things you have in common with others. Some hobbies like watching movies or tv are pretty much universal and if you're worried about getting stuck in a conversation about yachts, bring up something else.

[Veyron]

OP I'm also from a more modest background than most of my classmates, and so occasionally I've been stuck in conversations like what you're describing. However, regardless of your background, there will be things you have in common with others. Some hobbies like watching movies or tv are pretty much universal and if you're worried about getting stuck in a conversation about yachts, bring up something else.

Wait, biglawyers can afford yachts now?

[paulinaporizkova]

--ImageRemoved--

omg i LOVE this

[pasteurizedmilk]

veyron is so mad