Sharing office as a NYC associate - always same gender? Forum

[Anonymous User]

Wow. Okay, thanks for the help TLS.

ETA: Are y'all mad about this or something? Good heavens... I think for most people who have been in a long term marriage, this is a pretty understandable question--like, even if it's not an issue for you, you could understand how it could be for someone else.

[rpupkin]

To be fair, it seems like he's more concerned with the appearance of impropriety than any actual impropriety, and you're more likely to find yourself alone in a room with your officemate at 1 AM than you you are with a person who works on another floor. Whether one's spouse is comfortable with that scenario playing out regularly is a separate issue. Ideally, s/he would be, but I suppose it's not impossible that such a scenario could generate anxiety in an otherwise happy marriage.

This kind of archaic thinking was part of the basis for decades of workplace gender discrimination. One of the arguments for keeping women out of law firms (and other professional environments) was that men wouldn't be able to resist the urge to cheat on their wives with their female colleagues. The anon poster's (or his wife's) attitude here isn't just benign insecurity; it's hurtful to women. The anon poster should get over it.

[Traynor Brah]

To be fair, it seems like he's more concerned with the appearance of impropriety than any actual impropriety, and you're more likely to find yourself alone in a room with your officemate at 1 AM than you you are with a person who works on another floor. Whether one's spouse is comfortable with that scenario playing out regularly is a separate issue. Ideally, s/he would be, but I suppose it's not impossible that such a scenario could generate anxiety in an otherwise happy marriage.

This kind of archaic thinking was part of the basis for decades of workplace gender discrimination. One of the arguments for keeping women out of law firms (and other professional environments) was that men wouldn't be able to resist the urge to cheat on their wives with their female colleagues. The anon poster's (or his wife's) attitude here isn't just benign insecurity; it's hurtful to women. The anon poster should get over it.

[A. Nony Mouse]

Yes, have worked in professional environment (see above post). Sorry you don't like my "instincts" (?).

Anyone else?

This probably isn't what you meant by "anyone else," but I agree that it shouldn't matter to you or your wife whether you share an office with a woman or a man. Unless you're incapable of not looking at a woman as a sex object, or your wife believes you are.

Edit: what rpupkin said.

[kcdc1]

This kind of archaic thinking was part of the basis for decades of workplace gender discrimination. One of the arguments for keeping women out of law firms (and other professional environments) was that men wouldn't be able to resist the urge to cheat on their wives with their female colleagues. The anon poster's (or his wife's) attitude here isn't just benign insecurity; it's hurtful to women. The anon poster should get over it.

Not to belabor the point, but if we assume that his wife really has some degree of preference, what you're effectively saying is that the anon poster's wife should get over it or that he should be more callous about ignoring his wife's (arguably unreasonable) preference.

[TLSModBot]

If you're that uncomfortable around women, just stick it out to partnership. They're still mostly kept out of that rung.

[jbagelboy]

Wow. Okay, thanks for the help TLS.

ETA: Are y'all mad about this or something? Good heavens... I think for most people who have been in a long term marriage, this is a pretty understandable question--like, even if it's not an issue for you, you could understand how it could be for someone else.

I didn't mean to be rude, and I'm not trying to be, but at the same time, don't pretend you're the only one married here and that's why others "don't have that issue." You aren't a victim here, you just have an idiosyncratic preference. I actually don't think it's understandable for "most people" who are married (also what's a "short term marriage" as opposed to "long term"??) to be concerned about sharing a workspace with someone of the opposite gender. To us, that's a bizarre and abnormal issue to have; it speaks to something specific about your relationship, not the status of married couples in general, the vast majority of whom would not really think about something like that in a professional setting.

It's different from, e.g., sharing a hotel room with a female colleague while traveling. That I can see some discomfort with. In the office, on the other hand, you're just working. It's not a private space.

[rpupkin]

This kind of archaic thinking was part of the basis for decades of workplace gender discrimination. One of the arguments for keeping women out of law firms (and other professional environments) was that men wouldn't be able to resist the urge to cheat on their wives with their female colleagues. The anon poster's (or his wife's) attitude here isn't just benign insecurity; it's hurtful to women. The anon poster should get over it.

Not to belabor the point, but if we assume that his wife really has some degree of preference, what you're effectively saying is that the anon poster's wife should get over it or that he should be more callous about ignoring his wife's (arguably unreasonable) preference.

I'm not effectively saying that his wife should get over it; I'm explicitly saying that. And, no, I don't think that he should act callously towards his wife. Empathy is important, of course. But this is a problem that a married couple should work out in private. In my opinion, once you've imported hurtful views about women into the workplace--i.e., women are desirable sex objects so men shouldn't work sitting next to them--you've taken things too far.

[Desert Fox]

[bearsfan23]

Wow. Okay, thanks for the help TLS.

ETA: Are y'all mad about this or something? Good heavens... I think for most people who have been in a long term marriage, this is a pretty understandable question--like, even if it's not an issue for you, you could understand how it could be for someone else.

I didn't mean to be rude, and I'm not trying to be, but at the same time, don't pretend you're the only one married here and that's why others "don't have that issue." You aren't a victim here, you just have an idiosyncratic preference. I actually don't think it's understandable for "most people" who are married (also what's a "short term marriage" as opposed to "long term"??) to be concerned about sharing a workspace with someone of the opposite gender. To us, that's a bizarre and abnormal issue to have; it speaks to something specific about your relationship, not the status of married couples in general, the vast majority of whom would not really think about something like that in a professional setting.

It's different from, e.g., sharing a hotel room with a female colleague while traveling. That I can see some discomfort with. In the office, on the other hand, you're just working. It's not a private space.

Would a firm really do that, even if it's your officemate you're traveling with?

I agree sharing an office with a girl shouldn't be a big deal, but I feel like a shared hotel would make many SO's uncomfortable

[rpupkin]

I would hate to share an office with a woman.

I imagine the feeling would be mutual.

[DoubleChecks]

Woe is you bro, woe is you.

lol no idea who you are, randomly clicked on a thread for old times' sake, but man, you are difficult.

[dixiecupdrinking]

Wow. Okay, thanks for the help TLS.

ETA: Are y'all mad about this or something? Good heavens... I think for most people who have been in a long term marriage, this is a pretty understandable question--like, even if it's not an issue for you, you could understand how it could be for someone else.

I didn't mean to be rude, and I'm not trying to be, but at the same time, don't pretend you're the only one married here and that's why others "don't have that issue." You aren't a victim here, you just have an idiosyncratic preference. I actually don't think it's understandable for "most people" who are married (also what's a "short term marriage" as opposed to "long term"??) to be concerned about sharing a workspace with someone of the opposite gender. To us, that's a bizarre and abnormal issue to have; it speaks to something specific about your relationship, not the status of married couples in general, the vast majority of whom would not really think about something like that in a professional setting.

It's different from, e.g., sharing a hotel room with a female colleague while traveling. That I can see some discomfort with. In the office, on the other hand, you're just working. It's not a private space.

Would a firm really do that, even if it's your officemate you're traveling with?

I agree sharing an office with a girl shouldn't be a big deal, but I feel like a shared hotel would make many SO's uncomfortable

No.

[Johann]

I would hate to share an office with a woman.

looks like this thread is really about to start now

[Desert Fox]

[071816]

I would hate to share an office with a woman.

looks like this thread is really about to start now

They get slime on stuff. They are chatty and not stoic. They wear dresses in summer that are meant for 90 degree days without accounting for AC in their building and then relentlessly bitch about how cold it is.

this is definitely a thing, but getting slime on stuff? lol

[ruski]

I am also married and see what user above is saying. He's not afraid of cheating on his wife. but you spend all day with your office-mate. you shoot the breeze when its slow, vent to each other, get each others opinions on what the partner really means in his email to you etc. there is definitely a bond that forms between office mates, no doubt plutonic but still, you'll spend more time talking to your female office mate than your wife EVERY SINGLE DAY.

the fact that everyone on this thread seems to think its no big deal that a married man will have more conversations with some strange woman than with his actual wife on a daily basis, and that this is totally normal, and that OP must have marriage problems if he thinks this is an issue, speaks volume about this generation's light views towards marriage and their selfish mindset in general. the fact that no person is sympathetic to understand why this situation would make a wife uncomfortable leads me to believe its actually YOUR marriages that will have problems, and not the above posters.

[emkay625]

I would hate to share an office with a woman.

looks like this thread is really about to start now

They get slime on stuff. They are chatty and not stoic. They wear dresses in summer that are meant for 90 degree days without accounting for AC in their building and then relentlessly bitch about how cold it is.

I will be the first to admit that i am cold all of the time (but this is even when i have on pants and a sweater, so idk.)

But lol slime? What is this slime?

[Desert Fox]

[TLSModBot]

I am also married and see what user above is saying. He's not afraid of cheating on his wife. but you spend all day with your office-mate. you shoot the breeze when its slow, vent to each other, get each others opinions on what the partner really means in his email to you etc. there is definitely a bond that forms between office mates, no doubt plutonic but still, you'll spend more time talking to your female office mate than your wife EVERY SINGLE DAY.

the fact that everyone on this thread seems to think its no big deal that a married man will have more conversations with some strange woman than with his actual wife on a daily basis, and that this is totally normal, and that OP must have marriage problems if he thinks this is an issue, speaks volume about this generation's light views towards marriage and their selfish mindset in general. the fact that no person is sympathetic to understand why this situation would make a wife uncomfortable leads me to believe its actually YOUR marriages that will have problems, and not the above posters.

Read rpupkin's posts above, think about all the ways you've misread what posters were actually saying here, and then shoot yourself in the face.

[TLSModBot]

The godlike male body doesn't leak stuff.

Desert Fox is technically correct that his body is godlike (e.g. like Silenus pictured here)

[Desert Fox]

[A. Nony Mouse]

I am also married and see what user above is saying. He's not afraid of cheating on his wife. but you spend all day with your office-mate. you shoot the breeze when its slow, vent to each other, get each others opinions on what the partner really means in his email to you etc. there is definitely a bond that forms between office mates, no doubt plutonic but still, you'll spend more time talking to your female office mate than your wife EVERY SINGLE DAY.

the fact that everyone on this thread seems to think its no big deal that a married man will have more conversations with some strange woman than with his actual wife on a daily basis, and that this is totally normal, and that OP must have marriage problems if he thinks this is an issue, speaks volume about this generation's light views towards marriage and their selfish mindset in general. the fact that no person is sympathetic to understand why this situation would make a wife uncomfortable leads me to believe its actually YOUR marriages that will have problems, and not the above posters.

No, sorry, you're just absolutely wrong. I've been married 15 years and I don't give a shit what gender of person my husband works with under whatever conditions. He probably has more conversations with lots of people who aren't me, daily, than he does with me, because he spends a lot of time at work. As do I. This isn't about selfishness, this is about being a grown up and not suspecting your partner of doing anything untoward (or the office mate of doing anything untoward) simply because the office mate is of the opposite gender.

[Desert Fox]

[A. Nony Mouse]

Several sources. Makeup is a huge one. But also think snail trails. The godlike male body doesn't leak stuff.

Have you met a lot of naked women in the office, DF?