BigLaw and Long Distance Forum

[alphasteve]

so my fiancé and I are not lawyers (0L here), but for what it's worth - we have been long distance for over 2 yrs now due to us being dual military. and I'm not talking NY to DC. We have been DC & TX and FL & CA. If you guys have open communication and can make a commitment to see each other at least 1-2 times a month, you can do it.

Get out of legal employment 0L

I figured my experience making a long distance relationship work while managing a stressful job situation was useful. but apparently only 1-3Ls know about long distance relationships.

Biglaw is a different beast entirely. Your experience is irrelevant to this discussion.

Let me short circuit this.

I, as someone in biglaw, hereby adopt tfinn's position as my own and assert it here. There, now some of you can focus on the message.

And, for the record, brotherdarkness, aren't you just a fucking summer associate? Before you proclaim what biglaw is and isn't, maybe, I don't know start at a biglaw firm as a real attorney. You may be surprised.. but you don't know what the fuck kind of beast it is.. even if you see people in the halls that are living it.



Pathern'ed.

[Kronk]

Berkeley is not very well-represented on these boards.

[worldtraveler]

Berkeley is not very well-represented on these boards.

Hey now...

[El Pollito]

you perspective is obviously relevant and helpful to OP. But you have to understand, it bothers the law students because it takes up room that could be used by a bunch of people who have not done long-distance but who happen to be further along than you in their legal education. Of they have done a LDR, it didn't work out, and they must blame their job instead of their insufferable personalities.

Tbh, my LDR didn't work out because I got tired of my right hand. If that's a personality issue, I guess your retarded comment has some modicum of merit.

What else would it be? And stay on topic please, no pre-summer associate LDR stories.

[worldtraveler]

OP I've done an LDR as a law student and soon have to do it again as a lawyer.

I think it will be rough, but if you both understand you need to do it AND you have a plan for how the LDR will become just an R in the future, it can be done.

I would also talk to your firm about working from home or long distance. I have a big law friend who used to visit his gf across the country and work remotely all the time.

[Lincoln]

I haven't done a LDR while in BigLaw, but I'm in BigLaw and I've done a LDR before. The hard part about BigLaw is not necessarily the hours but the unpredictability (and I'm on track to bill 3300 this year). While you may be fine talking on the phone every day rather than seeing each other, what happens when you have to cancel going to NYC for the weekend for the 3rd time in a row? I think it's doable, but the uncertainty will be difficult.

can you make a topic about how you are surviving on this pace? i would like to question you at length

A bit concerned about anonymity, so I don't really want to do a thread. Happy to answer PMs, though.

[84651846190]

IMO, LDRs rarely work in biglaw. If your relationship is important to you, you and your SO will live together. OP obviously values his/her career, to a certain extent, more than his/her relationship. That being the case, I'm not sure why OP is even in the relationship in the first place. Unless you're gunning for partner at that boutique you're so enamored with, just get a job in NYC. You'll likely have similar outcomes at both places. I'm sure you have the creds for any biglaw firm in NYC. If you *do* want to gun for partner, then LOL@U for even thinking you can have a relationship. The number of hours and stress needed to pour into a career to make partner have turned the biglaw partners I know into terrible family men/women.

[El Pollito]

IMO, LDRs rarely work in biglaw. If your relationship is important to you, you and your SO will live together. OP obviously values his/her career, to a certain extent, more than his/her relationship.

That's shortsighted. Making sacrifices for your careers can make the relationship much easier a few years down the road.

[84651846190]

IMO, LDRs rarely work in biglaw. If your relationship is important to you, you and your SO will live together. OP obviously values his/her career, to a certain extent, more than his/her relationship.

That's shortsighted. Making sacrifices for your careers can make the relationship much easier a few years down the road.

The difference between biglaw in NYC and an elite boutique in DC is not that great in the long term for most associates starting out in either position. For me, it wouldn't be worth the sacrifice. But hey, some people want to be the best at everything related to their school/work/career. It's what gets them through life. I don't understand these people at all, but to each his own.

[El Pollito]

IMO, LDRs rarely work in biglaw. If your relationship is important to you, you and your SO will live together. OP obviously values his/her career, to a certain extent, more than his/her relationship.

That's shortsighted. Making sacrifices for your careers can make the relationship much easier a few years down the road.

The difference between biglaw in NYC and an elite boutique in DC is not that great in the long term for most associates starting out in either position. For me, it wouldn't be worth the sacrifice. But hey, some people want to be the best at everything related to their school/work/career. It's what gets them through life. I don't understand these people at all, but to each his own.

I thought you were talking more broadly, but I agree with you if we're talking about two reasonably equal career options.

[84651846190]

IMO, LDRs rarely work in biglaw. If your relationship is important to you, you and your SO will live together. OP obviously values his/her career, to a certain extent, more than his/her relationship.

That's shortsighted. Making sacrifices for your careers can make the relationship much easier a few years down the road.

The difference between biglaw in NYC and an elite boutique in DC is not that great in the long term for most associates starting out in either position. For me, it wouldn't be worth the sacrifice. But hey, some people want to be the best at everything related to their school/work/career. It's what gets them through life. I don't understand these people at all, but to each his own.

I thought you were talking more broadly, but I agree with you if we're talking about two reasonably equal career options.

Yeah, I was addressing the OP's situation. Obviously it's better to be jerbed and in an LDR than funemployed and living with your SO, if you're limited to those options.

[NYSprague]

OP: I ended up giving a relationship for my career. At the time, I didn't realize that chasing success and prestige was a path to nowhere. I am also a workaholic much of the time and work is crazily important to me.

I have learned that I made a mistake I deeply regret and can never go back to fix.

There are many jobs in the world- no matter how much I bash 0Ls for not understanding how limited the job market is. But, you may only find a select few people you want to spend your life with. In your situation, I would find a way to be together and make that my highest priority.

Your career is just starting. Let's face it your job is ultimately run of the mill- you aren't a SCOTUS clerk. Your career will take many twists and turns due to factors outside your control.

I didn't understand how difficult it can be to find the right partner. If you think this is the one, you should make it a priority and hold onto it. Figure out how to be together. Don't repeat my mistake.

[84651846190]

OP: I ended up giving a relationship for my career. At the time, I didn't realize that chasing success and prestige was a path to nowhere. I am also a workaholic much of the time and work is crazily important to me.

I have learned that I made a mistake I deeply regret and can never go back to fix.

There are many jobs in the world- no matter how much I bash 0Ls for not understanding how limited the job market is. But, you may only find a select few people you want to spend your life with. In your situation, I would find a way to be together and make that my highest priority.

Your career is just starting. Let's face it your job is ultimately run of the mill- you aren't a SCOTUS clerk. Your career will take many twists and turns due to factors outside your control.

I didn't understand how difficult it can be to find the right partner. If you think this is the one, you should make it a priority and hold onto it. Figure out how to be together. Don't repeat my mistake.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people in this thread who are cheering for career over relationships end up having similar sentiments later in life. There are a lot of unhappy, and EXTREMELY RICH, biglaw partners. On a superficial level, they seem happy. But when you try to get to know them intimately on a personal level, it's kind of scary how devoid of meaning their lives are. You can't replace family, traditions, close friends, etc. with a job. It just doesn't work. It never has.

[Nebby]

Even if you are an efficient mother fucker (or bill every hour you're there, including when you're masturbating and on TLS--Like DF), billing 2500 hours will take at least 2800 hours of actual time. More info: http://www.law.yale.edu/studentlife/cdo ... lehour.htm

Stop quoting that stupid Yale page that can't even get the math for their own arbitrary assumptions right.

Yes, I agree. I don't agree with their calculations either. But if OP has never done 2500 billable hours in a year, then he really needs to have pointed out what it will look like; and this page at least give some sort of substance. I cannot even fathom 2500 billables.

[Nebby]

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people in this thread who are cheering for career over relationships end up having similar sentiments later in life. There are a lot of unhappy, and EXTREMELY RICH, biglaw partners. On a superficial level, they seem happy. But when you try to get to know them intimately on a personal level, it's kind of scary how devoid of meaning their lives are. You can't replace family, traditions, close friends, etc. with a job. It just doesn't work. It never has.

When DAT DEBT is paid then I'm starting on that wife-game.

[NYSprague]

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people in this thread who are cheering for career over relationships end up having similar sentiments later in life. There are a lot of unhappy, and EXTREMELY RICH, biglaw partners. On a superficial level, they seem happy. But when you try to get to know them intimately on a personal level, it's kind of scary how devoid of meaning their lives are. You can't replace family, traditions, close friends, etc. with a job. It just doesn't work. It never has.

When DAT DEBT is paid then I'm starting on that wife-game.

It's different if you haven't met anyone. If you have met the right person, you should hang on to them.

It becomes harder over time to meet new people, if nothing else. You don't have time to go out. Your friends are all couples. And many of the best people are taken.

[Arbiter213]

OP: I ended up giving a relationship for my career. At the time, I didn't realize that chasing success and prestige was a path to nowhere. I am also a workaholic much of the time and work is crazily important to me.

I have learned that I made a mistake I deeply regret and can never go back to fix.

There are many jobs in the world- no matter how much I bash 0Ls for not understanding how limited the job market is. But, you may only find a select few people you want to spend your life with. In your situation, I would find a way to be together and make that my highest priority.

Your career is just starting. Let's face it your job is ultimately run of the mill- you aren't a SCOTUS clerk. Your career will take many twists and turns due to factors outside your control.

I didn't understand how difficult it can be to find the right partner. If you think this is the one, you should make it a priority and hold onto it. Figure out how to be together. Don't repeat my mistake.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people in this thread who are cheering for career over relationships end up having similar sentiments later in life. There are a lot of unhappy, and EXTREMELY RICH, biglaw partners. On a superficial level, they seem happy. But when you try to get to know them intimately on a personal level, it's kind of scary how devoid of meaning their lives are. You can't replace family, traditions, close friends, etc. with a job. It just doesn't work. It never has.

I'd put fair odds that the reason so many BigLaw partners are desperately unhappy people is because desperately unhappy people are the sort that punish themselves with work and ambition sufficiently to make partner.