comprehensive guide on dining etiquette for summer associates Forum

[BrowsingTLS]

Make sure you show your chops and critically comment on the formatting of the menu to the waitstaff. In fact, make sure to bring a red pen and redline the menu right there.

Trust me— the firm will be very, very impressed.

Then hand the redline to someone even more junior so they can learn.

And if they don't learn from the redline, don't waste your time taking them to other restaurants. You can't save a man who doesn't want to swim. Let them drown in still water.

[Anonymous User]

Make sure you show your chops and critically comment on the formatting of the menu to the waitstaff. In fact, make sure to bring a red pen and redline the menu right there.

Trust me— the firm will be very, very impressed.

Then hand the redline to someone even more junior so they can learn.

And if they don't learn from the redline, don't waste your time taking them to other restaurants. You can't save a man who doesn't want to swim. Let them drown in still water.

I love that we've completely memed that psycho. I think I even saw it spread to reddit.

[Anonymous User]

Some things to consider that others might not:

1. Keep your phone in your pocket - don't look at it while you are at the table. Others certainly will but that's okay. You are essentially their guest and should not.

2. Follow up email to say thank you. If it's an interview, use a handwritten note.

3. Order similarly to those around you.

[The Lsat Airbender]

Some things to consider that others might not:

1. Keep your phone in your pocket - don't look at it while you are at the table. Others certainly will but that's okay. You are essentially their guest and should not.

2. Follow up email to say thank you. If it's an interview, use a handwritten note.

3. Order similarly to those around you.

(1) and (2) are good rules in the Real World (if you're getting dinner with your fiancé's parents or something) but not for biglaw summers. Phone on the table is fine for biglaw, albeit a little unnecessary for a summer, and you can definitely just verbally thank your colleagues for a meal which the firm is paying for.

(3) is a good rule of thumb. Don't get more courses than everyone else (especially dessert, which extends the duration of the meal—ask the table beforehand whether people are in the mood for dessert), don't order alcohol if nobody else is, etc.

But I wouldn't feel tempted to make similar choices to everyone else; it's fine to be vegetarian, for instance, and get the pasta dish at a steakhouse while everyone else goes for the surf 'n' turf. It's fine to get the salmon entrée at a sushi place if you can't stand sushi. And it's fine not to drink alcohol even if everyone else is; indeed the sweet spot is probably to have one less drink than the median attendee.

[ignorantfoot33]

This is an odd piece of advice that I got from a mentor in an older generation, so take it with a grain of salt, and know that it's likely more applicable for dinners that partners are at rather than associates: never clean your plate. I grew up in a culture where not eating everything on your plate is considered rude, and it just seems wasteful, but I will say that the handful of lunches and dinners I went to during my one in-person week last summer, nobody finished their plates (or finished all the dishes on the table, if it was tapas-style).

[Anonymous User]

Deleted

[Anonymous User]

(e.g., the right direction to tilt your soup)

Not just tilting, eating soup generally is in the direction away from you. This one has a practical basis: You reduce the chance that you will get soup on yourself.

[Anonymous User]

Some things to consider that others might not:

1. Keep your phone in your pocket - don't look at it while you are at the table. Others certainly will but that's okay. You are essentially their guest and should not.

2. Follow up email to say thank you. If it's an interview, use a handwritten note.

3. Order similarly to those around you.

uh, what

[Anonymous User]

(e.g., the right direction to tilt your soup)

Not just tilting, eating soup generally is in the direction away from you. This one has a practical basis: You reduce the chance that you will get soup on yourself.

Ah, I see, that makes more sense.

Best to keep this one on the DL, though; I think this could easily slip into ‘exaggerated fancy mannerism’ territory and would cause me (if I noticed at all) to perceive the soup-eater as a little lord fauntleroy.

[Anonymous User]

Some tips I haven't seen here yet:

Don't bite your dinner roll. Tear it into pieces and butter each piece.

If you order a burger or sandwich and it doesn't come cut in half, cut it in half first. It will be neater to eat that way.

To get the last bit of soup, tip the bowl away from you, not towards you.

If eating family style or if you need something to be passed (salt, pepper, butter), don't reach over a bunch of people. Ask for it to be passed to you. Also, don't take a massive serving - leave some for everyone else and wait to see if there's enough for everyone before taking seconds. And use the serving utensils, not your personal cutlery, to take portions of family style food.

Leave your napkin on the chair if you're going to the bathroom. Leave it on the table when you're done with the meal.

Use your butter knife for butter, not your dinner knife. Google the difference if you don't know.

Don't season your food before tasting it. It's inconsiderate to assume it's not seasoned enough without giving it a try first.

If you don't know how to use chopsticks, maybe you should learn. Personally I think it's kind of embarrassing when you're at a fancy Asian restaurant and need to ask for a fork (especially for sushi). Omakase is supposed to be eaten by hand but don't do that if no one else in your party is doing it.

Don't order alcohol if others aren't ordering alcohol.

Try not to get really drunk. Usually the norm is one to three drinks for most business dinners, unless you're doing a wine / cocktail / liquor tasting with the entire table.

If you need to take a work call, step out of the dining room. You can probably ignore most calls but sometimes things are urgent. The people you're dining with will understand and probably do it all the time themselves (especially the senior people). Contrary to normal social etiquette, at a Big Law business dinner, it's not weird or rude to put your work phone on the table - everyone will be checking their phone occasionally (not necessarily responding to emails, but just generally monitoring). But as a summer associate, you will probably never get any truly urgent email or phone call (unless you fucked something up).

Prix fixe is pronounced "pree feexe" not price fix. If everyone is getting prix fixe, you should too (and will probably be mandated to by the restaurant).

Wine glasses are held by the stem.

As soon as you're seated, put your napkin on your lap.

At a fine dining restaurant, the waiter will usually push your chair in for you as you sit down. Don't be alarmed. They may also help you take off your coat or put it on. They will also come by your table occasionally with a little tool to clear the crumbs off your table. They may also put a folded white napkin down over any stain you create on the white tablecloth (e.g., spilled red wine). These are all normal services and not to be commented on or reacted to.

Don't eat until everyone has their food. It should all come out at the same time but if it doesn't, wait.

If you don't like something, don't spit it out like a child. Just swallow it and don't eat any more of it. Don't make any comments about how you find it gross or weird (especially with food that may not be familiar to you - it may come off as racist at worst and uncultured at best). If anyone asks, just say it's not for you.

Try not to eat much faster than everyone else.

Don't talk the entire time. If you notice that someone has been silent the entire time or being talked over by everyone else, try to speak to them directly or give them an "in" into the conversation so that everyone at the table has a chance to talk.

No jeans.

Don't take food off your dining companion's plates.

Some restaurants will offer a stool or other place to put your purse, if you're carrying one.

Close your menu when you're done figuring out what you want to eat.

No double dipping. Also, if there's a sauce or condiment (like butter), take one large-ish scoop of it with the serving spoon or a butter knife, and put that portion on your plate, and use that portion to sauce up / butter your dish, as opposed to repeatedly going back for more sauce / condiment / butter multiple times. Don't drown your dish in ketchup or hot sauce - you will look childish.

The only thing you should slurp is an oyster, which you should eat whole.

A Western soup spoon is fatter than a normal spoon. But you probably won't have to worry about telling the difference because if you order soup, the waiter will likely bring the soup soon just for you - the soup spoon probably won't already be on the table. Same goes for red, white and dessert wine glasses - the waiter will likely bring the correct one just for you and you won't have to figure out which glass is for what. Dessert fork is smaller than a regular fork and will be on top of your plate as opposed to the left or right side.

If you don't know how to pronounce something, try pointing to it on the menu when the waiter comes to you instead of attempting to pronounce it. Or if there is a portion of it that you know how to pronounce, try saying that. E.g., "the first appetizer on the menu" instead of "squab with foie gras" or like "the chicken dish" instead of "coq au vin".

Source: Also first gen. Grew up knowing none of this but now regularly do fine dining business dinners.

Also first gen, and this list matches most of the things I had to figure out.

I don't avoid pasta except for spaghetti. Too difficult to eat without looking sloppy imo. But if you can pull it off, more power to you.

Also, if you are a petite woman, don't use how much the men are drinking as a standard. Your tolerance is likely much lower.

[nixy]

Some things to consider that others might not:

1. Keep your phone in your pocket - don't look at it while you are at the table. Others certainly will but that's okay. You are essentially their guest and should not.

2. Follow up email to say thank you. If it's an interview, use a handwritten note.

3. Order similarly to those around you.

uh, what

Yeah, even for interviews email is completely fine.

[Anonymous User]

Some things to consider that others might not:

1. Keep your phone in your pocket - don't look at it while you are at the table. Others certainly will but that's okay. You are essentially their guest and should not.

2. Follow up email to say thank you. If it's an interview, use a handwritten note.

3. Order similarly to those around you.

uh, what

Yeah, even for interviews email is completely fine.

Honestly I would be weirded out by a handwritten thank you note. Plus it would arrive after I forgot about you. This is like 20th c advise.

[Anonymous User]

Most of these are overkill.

The only real rule is try not to be the drunkest person at the table. Even if you have a high tolerance and aren't drunk, don't order a noticeably higher amount of alcohol than everyone else (ie everyone is having 2 drinks and you ordered 4-5).

You're more likely to get no offered by getting drunk and saying something you shouldn't have than not knowing what side of the plate your glass of wine is supposed to go on. Seriously, no one will notice things like that unless it's truly egregious, which honestly if it were, you probably wouldn't have made it this far.

[pkeller]

Adding this on because I haven't seen it--when you're done, place your silverware at four o'clock on the plate to signal to the waiter/waitress.

Apologies if someone already mentioned this.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/utensil- ... _n_6004682

[Anonymous User]

Some tips I haven't seen here yet:

Don't bite your dinner roll. Tear it into pieces and butter each piece.

If you order a burger or sandwich and it doesn't come cut in half, cut it in half first. It will be neater to eat that way.

To get the last bit of soup, tip the bowl away from you, not towards you.

If eating family style or if you need something to be passed (salt, pepper, butter), don't reach over a bunch of people. Ask for it to be passed to you. Also, don't take a massive serving - leave some for everyone else and wait to see if there's enough for everyone before taking seconds. And use the serving utensils, not your personal cutlery, to take portions of family style food.

Leave your napkin on the chair if you're going to the bathroom. Leave it on the table when you're done with the meal.

Use your butter knife for butter, not your dinner knife. Google the difference if you don't know.

Don't season your food before tasting it. It's inconsiderate to assume it's not seasoned enough without giving it a try first.

If you don't know how to use chopsticks, maybe you should learn. Personally I think it's kind of embarrassing when you're at a fancy Asian restaurant and need to ask for a fork (especially for sushi). Omakase is supposed to be eaten by hand but don't do that if no one else in your party is doing it.

Don't order alcohol if others aren't ordering alcohol.

Try not to get really drunk. Usually the norm is one to three drinks for most business dinners, unless you're doing a wine / cocktail / liquor tasting with the entire table.

If you need to take a work call, step out of the dining room. You can probably ignore most calls but sometimes things are urgent. The people you're dining with will understand and probably do it all the time themselves (especially the senior people). Contrary to normal social etiquette, at a Big Law business dinner, it's not weird or rude to put your work phone on the table - everyone will be checking their phone occasionally (not necessarily responding to emails, but just generally monitoring). But as a summer associate, you will probably never get any truly urgent email or phone call (unless you fucked something up).

Prix fixe is pronounced "pree feexe" not price fix. If everyone is getting prix fixe, you should too (and will probably be mandated to by the restaurant).

Wine glasses are held by the stem.

As soon as you're seated, put your napkin on your lap.

At a fine dining restaurant, the waiter will usually push your chair in for you as you sit down. Don't be alarmed. They may also help you take off your coat or put it on. They will also come by your table occasionally with a little tool to clear the crumbs off your table. They may also put a folded white napkin down over any stain you create on the white tablecloth (e.g., spilled red wine). These are all normal services and not to be commented on or reacted to.

Don't eat until everyone has their food. It should all come out at the same time but if it doesn't, wait.

If you don't like something, don't spit it out like a child. Just swallow it and don't eat any more of it. Don't make any comments about how you find it gross or weird (especially with food that may not be familiar to you - it may come off as racist at worst and uncultured at best). If anyone asks, just say it's not for you.

Try not to eat much faster than everyone else.

Don't talk the entire time. If you notice that someone has been silent the entire time or being talked over by everyone else, try to speak to them directly or give them an "in" into the conversation so that everyone at the table has a chance to talk.

No jeans.

Don't take food off your dining companion's plates.

Some restaurants will offer a stool or other place to put your purse, if you're carrying one.

Close your menu when you're done figuring out what you want to eat.

No double dipping. Also, if there's a sauce or condiment (like butter), take one large-ish scoop of it with the serving spoon or a butter knife, and put that portion on your plate, and use that portion to sauce up / butter your dish, as opposed to repeatedly going back for more sauce / condiment / butter multiple times. Don't drown your dish in ketchup or hot sauce - you will look childish.

The only thing you should slurp is an oyster, which you should eat whole.

A Western soup spoon is fatter than a normal spoon. But you probably won't have to worry about telling the difference because if you order soup, the waiter will likely bring the soup soon just for you - the soup spoon probably won't already be on the table. Same goes for red, white and dessert wine glasses - the waiter will likely bring the correct one just for you and you won't have to figure out which glass is for what. Dessert fork is smaller than a regular fork and will be on top of your plate as opposed to the left or right side.

If you don't know how to pronounce something, try pointing to it on the menu when the waiter comes to you instead of attempting to pronounce it. Or if there is a portion of it that you know how to pronounce, try saying that. E.g., "the first appetizer on the menu" instead of "squab with foie gras" or like "the chicken dish" instead of "coq au vin".

Source: Also first gen. Grew up knowing none of this but now regularly do fine dining business dinners.

Also first gen, and this list matches most of the things I had to figure out.

I don't avoid pasta except for spaghetti. Too difficult to eat without looking sloppy imo. But if you can pull it off, more power to you.

Also, if you are a petite woman, don't use how much the men are drinking as a standard. Your tolerance is likely much lower.

But in practice, what does this mean? The women have to watch the men drink? Anybody who actually went out in college knows that what actually happens is: they drink similar amounts, the women get way drunker and more out of hand, and then in the end no one cares.

[12YrsAnAssociate]

Some tips I haven't seen here yet:

Don't bite your dinner roll. Tear it into pieces and butter each piece.

If you order a burger or sandwich and it doesn't come cut in half, cut it in half first. It will be neater to eat that way.

To get the last bit of soup, tip the bowl away from you, not towards you.

If eating family style or if you need something to be passed (salt, pepper, butter), don't reach over a bunch of people. Ask for it to be passed to you. Also, don't take a massive serving - leave some for everyone else and wait to see if there's enough for everyone before taking seconds. And use the serving utensils, not your personal cutlery, to take portions of family style food.

Leave your napkin on the chair if you're going to the bathroom. Leave it on the table when you're done with the meal.

Use your butter knife for butter, not your dinner knife. Google the difference if you don't know.

Don't season your food before tasting it. It's inconsiderate to assume it's not seasoned enough without giving it a try first.

If you don't know how to use chopsticks, maybe you should learn. Personally I think it's kind of embarrassing when you're at a fancy Asian restaurant and need to ask for a fork (especially for sushi). Omakase is supposed to be eaten by hand but don't do that if no one else in your party is doing it.

Don't order alcohol if others aren't ordering alcohol.

Try not to get really drunk. Usually the norm is one to three drinks for most business dinners, unless you're doing a wine / cocktail / liquor tasting with the entire table.

If you need to take a work call, step out of the dining room. You can probably ignore most calls but sometimes things are urgent. The people you're dining with will understand and probably do it all the time themselves (especially the senior people). Contrary to normal social etiquette, at a Big Law business dinner, it's not weird or rude to put your work phone on the table - everyone will be checking their phone occasionally (not necessarily responding to emails, but just generally monitoring). But as a summer associate, you will probably never get any truly urgent email or phone call (unless you fucked something up).

Prix fixe is pronounced "pree feexe" not price fix. If everyone is getting prix fixe, you should too (and will probably be mandated to by the restaurant).

Wine glasses are held by the stem.

As soon as you're seated, put your napkin on your lap.

At a fine dining restaurant, the waiter will usually push your chair in for you as you sit down. Don't be alarmed. They may also help you take off your coat or put it on. They will also come by your table occasionally with a little tool to clear the crumbs off your table. They may also put a folded white napkin down over any stain you create on the white tablecloth (e.g., spilled red wine). These are all normal services and not to be commented on or reacted to.

Don't eat until everyone has their food. It should all come out at the same time but if it doesn't, wait.

If you don't like something, don't spit it out like a child. Just swallow it and don't eat any more of it. Don't make any comments about how you find it gross or weird (especially with food that may not be familiar to you - it may come off as racist at worst and uncultured at best). If anyone asks, just say it's not for you.

Try not to eat much faster than everyone else.

Don't talk the entire time. If you notice that someone has been silent the entire time or being talked over by everyone else, try to speak to them directly or give them an "in" into the conversation so that everyone at the table has a chance to talk.

No jeans.

Don't take food off your dining companion's plates.

Some restaurants will offer a stool or other place to put your purse, if you're carrying one.

Close your menu when you're done figuring out what you want to eat.

No double dipping. Also, if there's a sauce or condiment (like butter), take one large-ish scoop of it with the serving spoon or a butter knife, and put that portion on your plate, and use that portion to sauce up / butter your dish, as opposed to repeatedly going back for more sauce / condiment / butter multiple times. Don't drown your dish in ketchup or hot sauce - you will look childish.

The only thing you should slurp is an oyster, which you should eat whole.

A Western soup spoon is fatter than a normal spoon. But you probably won't have to worry about telling the difference because if you order soup, the waiter will likely bring the soup soon just for you - the soup spoon probably won't already be on the table. Same goes for red, white and dessert wine glasses - the waiter will likely bring the correct one just for you and you won't have to figure out which glass is for what. Dessert fork is smaller than a regular fork and will be on top of your plate as opposed to the left or right side.

If you don't know how to pronounce something, try pointing to it on the menu when the waiter comes to you instead of attempting to pronounce it. Or if there is a portion of it that you know how to pronounce, try saying that. E.g., "the first appetizer on the menu" instead of "squab with foie gras" or like "the chicken dish" instead of "coq au vin".

Source: Also first gen. Grew up knowing none of this but now regularly do fine dining business dinners.

You've got to wear clothes in proportion to your physique. There are definite do and don'ts, good buddy of wearing a bold striped shirt. A bold stripe shirt calls for solid colored or discreetly patterned suits and ties. Yes, always tip the stylist 15%. Listen, I've gotta go, T. Boone Pickens just walked in. Just joking. No, don't tip the owner of the salon.

[nixy]

But in practice, what does this mean? The women have to watch the men drink? Anybody who actually went out in college knows that what actually happens is: they drink similar amounts, the women get way drunker and more out of hand, and then in the end no one cares.

This is weird because a fancy work dinner isn’t a college party/bar. If you want to get way drunker than the men, you do you, but it’s not hard to nurse a drink and drink less than the people around you and not end up wasted. It’s a summer-long job interview, not spring break.

[Anonymous User]

But in practice, what does this mean? The women have to watch the men drink? Anybody who actually went out in college knows that what actually happens is: they drink similar amounts, the women get way drunker and more out of hand, and then in the end no one cares.

This is weird because a fancy work dinner isn’t a college party/bar. If you want to get way drunker than the men, you do you, but it’s not hard to nurse a drink and drink less than the people around you and not end up wasted. It’s a summer-long job interview, not spring break.

I'm a big guy who has the opposite problem -- I pace myself in professional settings and don't drink more than others, because I don't want people to think I'm drinking too much, even tho I know I can handle it without it doing much.

[Anonymous User]

A few others worth noting:

1. Stand when delivering the toast.

2. Port is the correct after dinner cordial.

3. Always have a poem memorized for prompt deployment if asked.

[Anonymous User]

But in practice, what does this mean? The women have to watch the men drink? Anybody who actually went out in college knows that what actually happens is: they drink similar amounts, the women get way drunker and more out of hand, and then in the end no one cares.

This is weird because a fancy work dinner isn’t a college party/bar. If you want to get way drunker than the men, you do you, but it’s not hard to nurse a drink and drink less than the people around you and not end up wasted. It’s a summer-long job interview, not spring break.

I’m a man, and that’s just how it works at my firm. The women get a lot drunker, usually. There is a rule against getting drunk, but it’s not enforced unless the drunkenness is accompanied by other seriously bad behavior

[nixy]

But in practice, what does this mean? The women have to watch the men drink? Anybody who actually went out in college knows that what actually happens is: they drink similar amounts, the women get way drunker and more out of hand, and then in the end no one cares.

This is weird because a fancy work dinner isn’t a college party/bar. If you want to get way drunker than the men, you do you, but it’s not hard to nurse a drink and drink less than the people around you and not end up wasted. It’s a summer-long job interview, not spring break.

I’m a man, and that’s just how it works at my firm. The women get a lot drunker, usually. There is a rule against getting drunk, but it’s not enforced unless the drunkenness is accompanied by other seriously bad behavior

Oh, sorry. Obviously you know your firm and I don't, but I still think it's a weird response to general advice about how to conduct yourself at fancy dinners as an SA. (Though probably a better way to word the original advice would have just been "pace yourself" which is applicable to everyone of whatever gender.)

[Anonymous User]

As a former Covid SA I had no idea I missed out on so many fancy lunches and dinners. 3-4 $$$$ meals in one summer?

[Anonymous User]

As a former Covid SA I had no idea I missed out on so many fancy lunches and dinners. 3-4 $$$$ meals in one summer?

Yeah you guys missed out on $1000s of dollars in perks in terms of SA. My summer we had every lunch out usually around $40/person, at least 4-5 expensive dinners and a events like broadway plays, trips etc. It sucks that you guys missed out, but hey, you get higher starting salary and WFH balance.

[Anonymous User]

Some tips I haven't seen here yet:

Don't bite your dinner roll. Tear it into pieces and butter each piece.

If you order a burger or sandwich and it doesn't come cut in half, cut it in half first. It will be neater to eat that way.

To get the last bit of soup, tip the bowl away from you, not towards you.

If eating family style or if you need something to be passed (salt, pepper, butter), don't reach over a bunch of people. Ask for it to be passed to you. Also, don't take a massive serving - leave some for everyone else and wait to see if there's enough for everyone before taking seconds. And use the serving utensils, not your personal cutlery, to take portions of family style food.

Leave your napkin on the chair if you're going to the bathroom. Leave it on the table when you're done with the meal.

Use your butter knife for butter, not your dinner knife. Google the difference if you don't know.

Don't season your food before tasting it. It's inconsiderate to assume it's not seasoned enough without giving it a try first.

If you don't know how to use chopsticks, maybe you should learn. Personally I think it's kind of embarrassing when you're at a fancy Asian restaurant and need to ask for a fork (especially for sushi). Omakase is supposed to be eaten by hand but don't do that if no one else in your party is doing it.

Don't order alcohol if others aren't ordering alcohol.

Try not to get really drunk. Usually the norm is one to three drinks for most business dinners, unless you're doing a wine / cocktail / liquor tasting with the entire table.

If you need to take a work call, step out of the dining room. You can probably ignore most calls but sometimes things are urgent. The people you're dining with will understand and probably do it all the time themselves (especially the senior people). Contrary to normal social etiquette, at a Big Law business dinner, it's not weird or rude to put your work phone on the table - everyone will be checking their phone occasionally (not necessarily responding to emails, but just generally monitoring). But as a summer associate, you will probably never get any truly urgent email or phone call (unless you fucked something up).

Prix fixe is pronounced "pree feexe" not price fix. If everyone is getting prix fixe, you should too (and will probably be mandated to by the restaurant).

Wine glasses are held by the stem.

As soon as you're seated, put your napkin on your lap.

At a fine dining restaurant, the waiter will usually push your chair in for you as you sit down. Don't be alarmed. They may also help you take off your coat or put it on. They will also come by your table occasionally with a little tool to clear the crumbs off your table. They may also put a folded white napkin down over any stain you create on the white tablecloth (e.g., spilled red wine). These are all normal services and not to be commented on or reacted to.

Don't eat until everyone has their food. It should all come out at the same time but if it doesn't, wait.

If you don't like something, don't spit it out like a child. Just swallow it and don't eat any more of it. Don't make any comments about how you find it gross or weird (especially with food that may not be familiar to you - it may come off as racist at worst and uncultured at best). If anyone asks, just say it's not for you.

Try not to eat much faster than everyone else.

Don't talk the entire time. If you notice that someone has been silent the entire time or being talked over by everyone else, try to speak to them directly or give them an "in" into the conversation so that everyone at the table has a chance to talk.

No jeans.

Don't take food off your dining companion's plates.

Some restaurants will offer a stool or other place to put your purse, if you're carrying one.

Close your menu when you're done figuring out what you want to eat.

No double dipping. Also, if there's a sauce or condiment (like butter), take one large-ish scoop of it with the serving spoon or a butter knife, and put that portion on your plate, and use that portion to sauce up / butter your dish, as opposed to repeatedly going back for more sauce / condiment / butter multiple times. Don't drown your dish in ketchup or hot sauce - you will look childish.

The only thing you should slurp is an oyster, which you should eat whole.

A Western soup spoon is fatter than a normal spoon. But you probably won't have to worry about telling the difference because if you order soup, the waiter will likely bring the soup soon just for you - the soup spoon probably won't already be on the table. Same goes for red, white and dessert wine glasses - the waiter will likely bring the correct one just for you and you won't have to figure out which glass is for what. Dessert fork is smaller than a regular fork and will be on top of your plate as opposed to the left or right side.

If you don't know how to pronounce something, try pointing to it on the menu when the waiter comes to you instead of attempting to pronounce it. Or if there is a portion of it that you know how to pronounce, try saying that. E.g., "the first appetizer on the menu" instead of "squab with foie gras" or like "the chicken dish" instead of "coq au vin".

Source: Also first gen. Grew up knowing none of this but now regularly do fine dining business dinners.

Wine glasses are only held by the stem if red. It’s mostly lunches so this doesn’t come up but don’t order red with seafood. Don’t put cheese on your seafood.

First gen, immigrant parents are from a non-western culture, and learned a lot of etiquette from my old world spouse.

[Anonymous User]

Some tips I haven't seen here yet:

Don't bite your dinner roll. Tear it into pieces and butter each piece.

If you order a burger or sandwich and it doesn't come cut in half, cut it in half first. It will be neater to eat that way.

To get the last bit of soup, tip the bowl away from you, not towards you.

If eating family style or if you need something to be passed (salt, pepper, butter), don't reach over a bunch of people. Ask for it to be passed to you. Also, don't take a massive serving - leave some for everyone else and wait to see if there's enough for everyone before taking seconds. And use the serving utensils, not your personal cutlery, to take portions of family style food.

Leave your napkin on the chair if you're going to the bathroom. Leave it on the table when you're done with the meal.

Use your butter knife for butter, not your dinner knife. Google the difference if you don't know.

Don't season your food before tasting it. It's inconsiderate to assume it's not seasoned enough without giving it a try first.

If you don't know how to use chopsticks, maybe you should learn. Personally I think it's kind of embarrassing when you're at a fancy Asian restaurant and need to ask for a fork (especially for sushi). Omakase is supposed to be eaten by hand but don't do that if no one else in your party is doing it.

Don't order alcohol if others aren't ordering alcohol.

Try not to get really drunk. Usually the norm is one to three drinks for most business dinners, unless you're doing a wine / cocktail / liquor tasting with the entire table.

If you need to take a work call, step out of the dining room. You can probably ignore most calls but sometimes things are urgent. The people you're dining with will understand and probably do it all the time themselves (especially the senior people). Contrary to normal social etiquette, at a Big Law business dinner, it's not weird or rude to put your work phone on the table - everyone will be checking their phone occasionally (not necessarily responding to emails, but just generally monitoring). But as a summer associate, you will probably never get any truly urgent email or phone call (unless you fucked something up).

Prix fixe is pronounced "pree feexe" not price fix. If everyone is getting prix fixe, you should too (and will probably be mandated to by the restaurant).

Wine glasses are held by the stem.

As soon as you're seated, put your napkin on your lap.

At a fine dining restaurant, the waiter will usually push your chair in for you as you sit down. Don't be alarmed. They may also help you take off your coat or put it on. They will also come by your table occasionally with a little tool to clear the crumbs off your table. They may also put a folded white napkin down over any stain you create on the white tablecloth (e.g., spilled red wine). These are all normal services and not to be commented on or reacted to.

Don't eat until everyone has their food. It should all come out at the same time but if it doesn't, wait.

If you don't like something, don't spit it out like a child. Just swallow it and don't eat any more of it. Don't make any comments about how you find it gross or weird (especially with food that may not be familiar to you - it may come off as racist at worst and uncultured at best). If anyone asks, just say it's not for you.

Try not to eat much faster than everyone else.

Don't talk the entire time. If you notice that someone has been silent the entire time or being talked over by everyone else, try to speak to them directly or give them an "in" into the conversation so that everyone at the table has a chance to talk.

No jeans.

Don't take food off your dining companion's plates.

Some restaurants will offer a stool or other place to put your purse, if you're carrying one.

Close your menu when you're done figuring out what you want to eat.

No double dipping. Also, if there's a sauce or condiment (like butter), take one large-ish scoop of it with the serving spoon or a butter knife, and put that portion on your plate, and use that portion to sauce up / butter your dish, as opposed to repeatedly going back for more sauce / condiment / butter multiple times. Don't drown your dish in ketchup or hot sauce - you will look childish.

The only thing you should slurp is an oyster, which you should eat whole.

A Western soup spoon is fatter than a normal spoon. But you probably won't have to worry about telling the difference because if you order soup, the waiter will likely bring the soup soon just for you - the soup spoon probably won't already be on the table. Same goes for red, white and dessert wine glasses - the waiter will likely bring the correct one just for you and you won't have to figure out which glass is for what. Dessert fork is smaller than a regular fork and will be on top of your plate as opposed to the left or right side.

If you don't know how to pronounce something, try pointing to it on the menu when the waiter comes to you instead of attempting to pronounce it. Or if there is a portion of it that you know how to pronounce, try saying that. E.g., "the first appetizer on the menu" instead of "squab with foie gras" or like "the chicken dish" instead of "coq au vin".

Source: Also first gen. Grew up knowing none of this but now regularly do fine dining business dinners.

Wine glasses are only held by the stem if red. It’s mostly lunches so this doesn’t come up but don’t order red with seafood. Don’t put cheese on your seafood.

First gen, immigrant parents are from a non-western culture, and learned a lot of etiquette from my old world spouse.

Wait why no red wine with seafood?