I can't stop screwing up Forum

[Halp]

Can you take a week or two long, unconnected vacation? Seems like burnout to me.

[Anonymous User]

Can you take a week or two long, unconnected vacation? Seems like burnout to me.

I thought of the same thing, but I only started at this firm two months ago, and I'm also on a deal that closes two weeks from now. A deal in which I've screwed up every single thing I possibly can, and in which every single email seems to uncover a new mistake I made.

I'm not sure how that would be viewed, particularly since these are the busiest months.

And the thing is... I haven't really had that much work. I think I'm just in my own head, and don't know what to do about it.

[Npret]

Can you take a week or two long, unconnected vacation? Seems like burnout to me.

I thought of the same thing, but I only started at this firm two months ago, and I'm also on a deal that closes two weeks from now. A deal in which I've screwed up every single thing I possibly can, and in which every single email seems to uncover a new mistake I made.

I'm not sure how that would be viewed, particularly since these are the busiest months.

And the thing is... I haven't really had that much work. I think I'm just in my own head, and don't know what to do about it.

We recommended a therapist to help you ASAP. You sound depressed and burned out but I’m not an expert.

Can you talk to the associate you work with about how you feel? Maybe it’s not as bad as you think?

I don’t know the answer but I know that you can’t figure this out alone and that you aren’t going to get better unless you take some action.

[Anonymous User]

Can you take a week or two long, unconnected vacation? Seems like burnout to me.

I thought of the same thing, but I only started at this firm two months ago, and I'm also on a deal that closes two weeks from now. A deal in which I've screwed up every single thing I possibly can, and in which every single email seems to uncover a new mistake I made.

I'm not sure how that would be viewed, particularly since these are the busiest months.

And the thing is... I haven't really had that much work. I think I'm just in my own head, and don't know what to do about it.

We recommended a therapist to help you ASAP. You sound depressed and burned out but I’m not an expert.

Can you talk to the associate you work with about how you feel? Maybe it’s not as bad as you think?

I don’t know the answer but I know that you can’t figure this out alone and that you aren’t going to get better unless you take some action.

You in particular have always been an excellent resource. Thanks so much for always replying.

I have actually made an appointment with a psychiatrist, and I had some blood work done today - first thing the doctor said when I walked in was "You don't look so good."

The funny thing was, I didn't feel too bad this morning. I guess this affects my outward appearance more than I thought.

[Halp]

Can you take a week or two long, unconnected vacation? Seems like burnout to me.

I thought of the same thing, but I only started at this firm two months ago, and I'm also on a deal that closes two weeks from now. A deal in which I've screwed up every single thing I possibly can, and in which every single email seems to uncover a new mistake I made.

I'm not sure how that would be viewed, particularly since these are the busiest months.

And the thing is... I haven't really had that much work. I think I'm just in my own head, and don't know what to do about it.

Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be burned out. I’d try to get through this deal and take a vacation as soon as you can after that. In addition to what everyone else has said about a doctor and a therapist. Just my two cents.

[AVBucks4239]

Can you take a week or two long, unconnected vacation? Seems like burnout to me.

I am a solo practitioner, so I cannot relate to big law, but this is incredibly important.

I used to come in almost seven days a week. I bet you when I first started I was working 60-70 hours a week. I was running around chasing shadows and putting out fires like crazy.

It took me more than a year of being on my own to realize that taking time off -- often three day weekends -- actually INCREASED my productivity and concentration. It allows me to take a step back, take a 5,000 foot view of everything, and prioritize.

I work less hours now and make more money. Truly. It's not even close. Instead of doing work on the weekends, I come in on Sunday morning, spend about an hour organizing and prioritizing, and that's it. When thoughts come into my mind, I put them in Evernote and then organize that on Sundays.

Time off is your friend. Even if you've been there for only a few months, get that deal done and then take a four day weekend. Clear your head.

[Halp]

Can you take a week or two long, unconnected vacation? Seems like burnout to me.

I am a solo practitioner, so I cannot relate to big law, but this is incredibly important.

I used to come in almost seven days a week. I bet you when I first started I was working 60-70 hours a week. I was running around chasing shadows and putting out fires like crazy.

It took me more than a year of being on my own to realize that taking time off -- often three day weekends -- actually INCREASED my productivity and concentration. It allows me to take a step back, take a 5,000 foot view of everything, and prioritize.

I work less hours now and make more money. Truly. It's not even close. Instead of doing work on the weekends, I come in on Sunday morning, spend about an hour organizing and prioritizing, and that's it. When thoughts come into my mind, I put them in Evernote and then organize that on Sundays.

Time off is your friend. Even if you've been there for only a few months, get that deal done and then take a four day weekend. Clear your head.

Wonderful point (as always with AVBucks). A long weekend can really help stave off this feeling even if it’s just a short term bandaid.

[run26.2]

One point that I have been thinking about in relation to this thread, though is not directly on point to OP's particular predicament....

As has been recognized ad infinitum, everybody screws up. In my experience, what differentiates people that can stick it out is the responses to those screw ups--both the individual's own response and the response of the attorneys around that individual (and this latter response is what I want to point out). Those that tend to stick around have attorneys that, for one reason or another, look past the mistakes or frame them in a way that doesn't make them sound like mistakes. If your co-workers like you, they're more prone to overlook or justify your mistakes to keep you around. Something to keep in mind...

[Anonymous User]

OP, I recently lateraled too and I’m TOLD by the partner that I’m essentially useless. The partner constantly points out that when I do things for him, it ends up taking him more time because he doesn’t understand some of the stuff. I’ve only been at my job for a few months, but I know that I need to lateral soon before I’m screwed. The partner tells me I need to be less conclusory but then tells me not to spend so much time billing. It’s a double edged sword with him. It takes a good 6 months to get used to working with new people from my past firm experience, but this partner has already written me off and I’m doomed. He was the reason I was hesitant about lateraling to the firm and I should’ve listened to my gut.

If no one constantly points out your deficiencies, you shouldn’t worry so much about them. Obviously it’s good to do flawless work, but if others aren’t bothered by your mistakes, you shouldn’t be as hard on yourself. It’ll eat you alive.

We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, some of us work with terrible people.

[Anonymous User]

OP, I was in your situation three years ago. You need to find the root cause of your anxiety. Mine was the fear that every mistake was leading towards my exit. I just bought a house, and was about to get married, so I couldn’t afford to lose my job. This feeling paralyzed me, and led to additional mistakes. This was also a job I had busted my ass for in law school and I genuinely wanted to succeed. But I knew I needed a fresh start somewhere else.

I’m now at a boutique firm working for one guy where the pressure is way less. I can make mistakes (and as a 5th year I still do), but I don’t have the fear of being fired. Will never happen here. And I’m thriving in this environment for that reason.

As others have said, you’re going to make mistakes. Just part of the job. Work hard to rid yourself of those mistakes, and seek a new environment that is more constructive/teaching than making you feel like shit for the mistakes.

[Anonymous User]

OP here. Thanks all for the helpful feedback. Since I started this thread, two psychiatrists have separately diagnosed me with ADHD. I start treatment this week - hopefully it helps.

In the meantime, I have to try my best to slow down, pay attention, and focus.

[nixy]

Hey OP - that’s actually kind of great, in that there’s something really specific you can point to that’s creating problems and something you can do about it (get treatment). FWIW, I’ve read that a lot of women (if that’s you) manage to get through to adulthood without getting treatment bc ADHD tends to present differently in girls than in boys. I hope you get a treatment that works for you quickly, and that it helps you turn things around in your current job.

[Anonymous User]

Hi Op—I’m a midlaw junior corporate associate with ADHD. I too was diagnosed later in life (senior year of college). I don’t have anything substantive to add but wanted to reach out and let you know that you’re not alone.

My diagnosis and finding the right medication has vastly improved my life. I truly hope that you have a similar experience.

[Anonymous User]

Hi Op—I’m a midlaw junior corporate associate with ADHD. I too was diagnosed later in life (senior year of college). I don’t have anything substantive to add but wanted to reach out and let you know that you’re not alone.

My diagnosis and finding the right medication has vastly improved my life. I truly hope that you have a similar experience.

OP here - thank you so much. I'm pretty damned nervous, but I'm hopeful. Definitely not expecting a magic bullet or anything, but hopefully this will allow me to get on top of my stuff.

[Anonymous User]

OP here - sorry to bring this thread back from the dead.

It's been roughly two weeks since I started medication, and I think things have improved, if only slightly. I am currently debating whether or not to disclose my ADHD to my firm, and to my practice group leaders.

Just wanted to ask - is there anyone out there who has disclosed something like this? If so, what was the reaction? Even if no experience, I would be grateful for any input I can get. Thank you.

[Saltnpeppa1]

What would be the benefit in disclosing it? I would be concerned that it would be considered a liability, as unfair as that seems.

[beepboopbeep]

Is there anything you want your firm to do in response to your disclosing? I don't know what reasonable accommodation for ADHD might look like, but I'd probably only disclose if there's some change that could meaningfully improve your situation.

[Anonymous User]

Poster above with ADHD— I haven’t disclosed and don’t think I ever will. There’s still so much stigma around adult diagnoses and use of ADHD meds and I personally can’t see enough upside from disclosing to outweigh the potential rush to judgment.

That being said, I’m glad to hear you’re having a positive experience thus far with your medication. I’d highly recommend checking out r/ADHD on Reddit— lots of great advice and an overall supportive community of people going through the same issues.

[Anonymous User]

Not OP but someone else looking for words of encouragement so bumping. OP, did things end up working out alright?

[Anonymous User]

OP, I found out I had ADHD for many of the same reasons that you did. I don’t think medication has made me inherently less careless, but it has made it easier to force myself to do the kinds of repeated checks that help me catch and fix errors. I still make dumb mistakes, but I just try to remind myself that law is a pretty terrible fit for someone with ADHD and all I can do is try my best.

As for telling your firm, personally I would definitely not tell the firm in any formal way, nor would I mention it to any partners unless I knew that they thought my work was great and were unlikely to read anything into it. I do sometimes mention it to junior associates, mostly in hopes of decreasing the stigma around stuff like this but also to explain things like why I prefer to do things by email (I can’t follow along as well on the phone). However, I just do it in passing, not like “I just wanted to let you know I have ADHD.” They could certainly tell the partners at my firm themselves, but it hasn’t happened yet as far as I can tell.

As a somewhat related point, when I first got diagnosed it was such a relief to me that I wanted to tell everyone and talk about it all the time - obsessing is a pretty common ADHD trait, as it turns out. Anyway, if you’re feeling the same, I would strongly encourage you to do something like read/post on r/adhd instead - eventually, my fixation with thinking and talking about it passed, and I’m glad I didn’t tell the whole world.

[Anonymous User]

OP, I found out I had ADHD for many of the same reasons that you did. I don’t think medication has made me inherently less careless, but it has made it easier to force myself to do the kinds of repeated checks that help me catch and fix errors. I still make dumb mistakes, but I just try to remind myself that law is a pretty terrible fit for someone with ADHD and all I can do is try my best.

As for telling your firm, personally I would definitely not tell the firm in any formal way, nor would I mention it to any partners unless I knew that they thought my work was great and were unlikely to read anything into it. I do sometimes mention it to junior associates, mostly in hopes of decreasing the stigma around stuff like this but also to explain things like why I prefer to do things by email (I can’t follow along as well on the phone). However, I just do it in passing, not like “I just wanted to let you know I have ADHD.” They could certainly tell the partners at my firm themselves, but it hasn’t happened yet as far as I can tell.

As a somewhat related point, when I first got diagnosed it was such a relief to me that I wanted to tell everyone and talk about it all the time - obsessing is a pretty common ADHD trait, as it turns out. Anyway, if you’re feeling the same, I would strongly encourage you to do something like read/post on r/adhd instead - eventually, my fixation with thinking and talking about it passed, and I’m glad I didn’t tell the whole world.

I was also diagnosed later in life (end of college). It's really liberating. But I also wouldn't mention it to any higher-ups unless it specifically comes up and you already have a good work relationship with them.

[Anonymous User]

Might I suggest anti-anxiety medication? Honestly it has worked wonders for me. I had a moment as a second year when I felt like my chest was being crushed by the weight of my anxiety, from too much to do, too high expectations, and not nearly enough time to do anything right. I talked to my Dr, started taking an SNRI, and haven't felt that way since. It is totally stupid that a job made me feel that way, but I need the paycheck and since starting the meds I feel way more positive about work. I actually even enjoy it sometimes. And I think my work product is better because I'm actually rested, rather than laying in bed awake thinking about all the things I did wrong or forgot to do or will be stressed by the next day.

Also, some general advice: proof everything before you ever hit send. When sending an email, delete the recipients until you've rechecked that the docs are correct, redlines look good, etc. Stuff is never going to be perfect, but I can't count the number of mistakes I've caught just by proofing my attachments before hitting send.

[Anonymous User]

Might I suggest anti-anxiety medication? Honestly it has worked wonders for me. I had a moment as a second year when I felt like my chest was being crushed by the weight of my anxiety, from too much to do, too high expectations, and not nearly enough time to do anything right. I talked to my Dr, started taking an SNRI, and haven't felt that way since. It is totally stupid that a job made me feel that way, but I need the paycheck and since starting the meds I feel way more positive about work. I actually even enjoy it sometimes. And I think my work product is better because I'm actually rested, rather than laying in bed awake thinking about all the things I did wrong or forgot to do or will be stressed by the next day.

Also, some general advice: proof everything before you ever hit send. When sending an email, delete the recipients until you've rechecked that the docs are correct, redlines look good, etc. Stuff is never going to be perfect, but I can't count the number of mistakes I've caught just by proofing my attachments before hitting send.

I strongly second that anyone struggling with stress and anxiety get checked out to see if anti-anxiety medication is for them. I resisted doing anything about my anxiety/depression/stress for years. Taking medication has helped me tremendously. It not only makes me feel dramatically better, but I end up doing noticeably better work.