CA C&F: Mom opened up 5 credit cards in my name and ruined credit Forum

[lavarman84]

...

How is your relationship with your parents? I don't mean this in an insulting way. I just couldn't conceive of screwing my mother over for my credit score, even if she deserved it. It's a credit score; she's family. She sacrificed so much to make me the person I am today. Now, I do have a close relationship with my parents. I could see how someone might feel differently if they had a strained relationship with their parents.

Im incredibly close to my parents. Neither of them would do this to me. Not even in their most desperate hour.

And I know without a shadow of a doubt that my mother would be the first person to file a police report on herself instead of leaving me blowing in the wind for something she did. Especially knowing that it could have such a terrible impact on my future.

Parents should want to see their children happy and successful, not struggling under the strain of their terrible decisions.

You hope not, but people make mistakes. I think when push came to shove, you wouldn't turn in your own mother to save your credit score.

[rcharter1978]

...

How is your relationship with your parents? I don't mean this in an insulting way. I just couldn't conceive of screwing my mother over for my credit score, even if she deserved it. It's a credit score; she's family. She sacrificed so much to make me the person I am today. Now, I do have a close relationship with my parents. I could see how someone might feel differently if they had a strained relationship with their parents.

Im incredibly close to my parents. Neither of them would do this to me. Not even in their most desperate hour.

And I know without a shadow of a doubt that my mother would be the first person to file a police report on herself instead of leaving me blowing in the wind for something she did. Especially knowing that it could have such a terrible impact on my future.

Parents should want to see their children happy and successful, not struggling under the strain of their terrible decisions.

You hope not, but people make mistakes. I think when push came to shove, you wouldn't turn in your own mother to save your credit score.

It's not a hope, its the fact that I know my parents. And push would never come to shove because my mother would turn herself in before she would see me suffer as a result of her bad decision making.

It's a mistake to try to control who your kids date. But it's not just a mere mistake to take your growns child's information and without their knowledge put it on a application for five credit cards. And then to proceed to run up five credit cards and simply not pay. And then let your kid find out and have to be forced to pay the debt back. With an asset you had all along that you could have used to get the money in the first place. Not that you offered to pay it back or make it right but had to be forced to do so.

Like I said, no one has perfect parents, But this is a far cry from perfect.

[lavarman84]

It's not a hope, its the fact that I know my parents. And push would never come to shove because my mother would turn herself in before she would see me suffer as a result of her bad decision making.

I wonder if OP would have said the same thing prior to this happening if confronted with the same question.

Like I said, I hope you would be a better person than to turn in your own mother to save your credit score. Gotta have your priorities straight.

[Npret]

Advice like: my mother would never do this; therefore, you should put your mother in the criminal system is worse than useless.

[Anonymous User]

...

How is your relationship with your parents? I don't mean this in an insulting way. I just couldn't conceive of screwing my mother over for my credit score, even if she deserved it. It's a credit score; she's family. She sacrificed so much to make me the person I am today. Now, I do have a close relationship with my parents. I could see how someone might feel differently if they had a strained relationship with their parents.

Not that I agree with rcharter necessarily, but I'm guessing you wouldn't have a close relationship with your parents any longer if they did to you what OP's parents did to OP.

[Npret]

...

How is your relationship with your parents? I don't mean this in an insulting way. I just couldn't conceive of screwing my mother over for my credit score, even if she deserved it. It's a credit score; she's family. She sacrificed so much to make me the person I am today. Now, I do have a close relationship with my parents. I could see how someone might feel differently if they had a strained relationship with their parents.

Not that I agree with rcharter necessarily, but I'm guessing you wouldn't have a close relationship with your parents any longer if they did to you what OP's parents did to OP.

Why anonymous? You aren't OP.
Few people want their parent to face criminal charges. Even if OP wanted to do so, there is no indication that it will help any issue he might have
OP should find a good C&F lawyer that will maybe give him a half hour discussion for a nominal fee.

[lavarman84]

...

How is your relationship with your parents? I don't mean this in an insulting way. I just couldn't conceive of screwing my mother over for my credit score, even if she deserved it. It's a credit score; she's family. She sacrificed so much to make me the person I am today. Now, I do have a close relationship with my parents. I could see how someone might feel differently if they had a strained relationship with their parents.

Not that I agree with rcharter necessarily, but I'm guessing you wouldn't have a close relationship with your parents any longer if they did to you what OP's parents did to OP.

I'd be pretty devastated, but I think I could forgive my mother if she tried to make it right. She's earned that.

[rcharter1978]

It's not a hope, its the fact that I know my parents. And push would never come to shove because my mother would turn herself in before she would see me suffer as a result of her bad decision making.

I wonder if OP would have said the same thing prior to this happening if confronted with the same question.

Like I said, I hope you would be a better person than to turn in your own mother to save your credit score. Gotta have your priorities straight.

I don't know. But I know my parents.

If my mom was the type of person who would happily put herself first to take advantage of me I wouldnt be who I am today. So I probably would.

If your parents, by their own example, teach you that your own needs come before anyone else's it's not a stretch to think that you would put yourself first and turn your mother on.

That OP is so willing to forgive in spite of the difficulties is a credit to OP.

And it's not merely a score. Right now OP can't move, even with a cosigner. Those are real consequences of a ruined credit score that OP had nothing to do with.

[lavarman84]

It's not a hope, its the fact that I know my parents. And push would never come to shove because my mother would turn herself in before she would see me suffer as a result of her bad decision making.

I wonder if OP would have said the same thing prior to this happening if confronted with the same question.

Like I said, I hope you would be a better person than to turn in your own mother to save your credit score. Gotta have your priorities straight.

I don't know. But I know my parents.

If my mom was the type of person who would happily put herself first to take advantage of me I wouldnt be who I am today. So I probably would.

If your parents, by their own example, teach you that your own needs come before anyone else's it's not a stretch to think that you would put yourself first and turn your mother on.

That OP is so willing to forgive in spite of the difficulties is a credit to OP.

And it's not merely a score. Right now OP can't move, even with a cosigner. Those are real consequences of a ruined credit score that OP had nothing to do with.

You assume that this one very bad mistake defines OP's mom as a person. I don't think things are nearly as simple as you make them out to be.

[rcharter1978]

Advice like: my mother would never do this; therefore, you should put your mother in the criminal system is worse than useless

Advice that advocates letting your parents do anything to do because they are your parents is even worse. There should be a line at what you will let your parents do to you, especially as an adult who needs good credit to make your own way in the world.

There is, to me, a compact between people who care about each other.

One person should think "I love you enough that I would let you take advantage of me" and the other person should think "And I will never take advantage of you because I love you so much."

[rcharter1978]

It's not a hope, its the fact that I know my parents. And push would never come to shove because my mother would turn herself in before she would see me suffer as a result of her bad decision making.

I wonder if OP would have said the same thing prior to this happening if confronted with the same question.

Like I said, I hope you would be a better person than to turn in your own mother to save your credit score. Gotta have your priorities straight.

I don't know. But I know my parents.

If my mom was the type of person who would happily put herself first to take advantage of me I wouldnt be who I am today. So I probably would.

If your parents, by their own example, teach you that your own needs come before anyone else's it's not a stretch to think that you would put yourself first and turn your mother on.

That OP is so willing to forgive in spite of the difficulties is a credit to OP.

And it's not merely a score. Right now OP can't move, even with a cosigner. Those are real consequences of a ruined credit score that OP had nothing to do with.

You assume that this one very bad mistake defines OP's mom as a person. I don't think things are nearly as simple as you make them out to be.

This isn't one bad mistake. This is a series of things

1. Taking OPs information without her knowledge
2. Opening up five credit cards
3. Failing to tell OP about any of these credit cards
4. Running up the credit on all five cards
5. Refusing to pay
6. Refusing to pay in spite of the fact that she had another valuable asset
7. Not talking to OP before the debt went bad
8. Not telling OP even after the debt went bad
9. OP having to force her to make the debt right
9. Not proactively taking action once she knew OPs credit would still be ruined

I judge people by their actions. And these are her actions. She had an asset she could borrow against. She didn't. She could have asked OP to open the cards for her, she didn't. She chose the one person she could take advantage of and that's what she did. OP had for force her to pay off the debt.

If she had no other assets, if she had gone to OP at any time I might have a different take, but she didnt.

[Npret]

It's not a hope, its the fact that I know my parents. And push would never come to shove because my mother would turn herself in before she would see me suffer as a result of her bad decision making.

I wonder if OP would have said the same thing prior to this happening if confronted with the same question.

Like I said, I hope you would be a better person than to turn in your own mother to save your credit score. Gotta have your priorities straight.

I don't know. But I know my parents.

If my mom was the type of person who would happily put herself first to take advantage of me I wouldnt be who I am today. So I probably would.

If your parents, by their own example, teach you that your own needs come before anyone else's it's not a stretch to think that you would put yourself first and turn your mother on.

That OP is so willing to forgive in spite of the difficulties is a credit to OP.

And it's not merely a score. Right now OP can't move, even with a cosigner. Those are real consequences of a ruined credit score that OP had nothing to do with.

You assume that this one very bad mistake defines OP's mom as a person. I don't think things are nearly as simple as you make them out to be.

This isn't one bad mistake. This is a series of things

1. Taking OPs information without her knowledge
2. Opening up five credit cards
3. Failing to tell OP about any of these credit cards
4. Running up the credit on all five cards
5. Refusing to pay
6. Refusing to pay in spite of the fact that she had another valuable asset
7. Not talking to OP before the debt went bad
8. Not telling OP even after the debt went bad
9. OP having to force her to make the debt right
9. Not proactively taking action once she knew OPs credit would still be ruined

I judge people by their actions. And these are her actions. She had an asset she could borrow against. She didn't. She could have asked OP to open the cards for her, she didn't. She chose the one person she could take advantage of and that's what she did. OP had for force her to pay off the debt.

If she had no other assets, if she had gone to OP at any time I might have a different take, but she didnt.

Do you have anything of substantive advice for OP or at you just going to keep running down his mother? I'm doubtful that benefits OP in any way.

[rcharter1978]

It's not a hope, its the fact that I know my parents. And push would never come to shove because my mother would turn herself in before she would see me suffer as a result of her bad decision making.

I wonder if OP would have said the same thing prior to this happening if confronted with the same question.

Like I said, I hope you would be a better person than to turn in your own mother to save your credit score. Gotta have your priorities straight.

I don't know. But I know my parents.

If my mom was the type of person who would happily put herself first to take advantage of me I wouldnt be who I am today. So I probably would.

If your parents, by their own example, teach you that your own needs come before anyone else's it's not a stretch to think that you would put yourself first and turn your mother on.

That OP is so willing to forgive in spite of the difficulties is a credit to OP.

And it's not merely a score. Right now OP can't move, even with a cosigner. Those are real consequences of a ruined credit score that OP had nothing to do with.

You assume that this one very bad mistake defines OP's mom as a person. I don't think things are nearly as simple as you make them out to be.

This isn't one bad mistake. This is a series of things

1. Taking OPs information without her knowledge
2. Opening up five credit cards
3. Failing to tell OP about any of these credit cards
4. Running up the credit on all five cards
5. Refusing to pay
6. Refusing to pay in spite of the fact that she had another valuable asset
7. Not talking to OP before the debt went bad
8. Not telling OP even after the debt went bad
9. OP having to force her to make the debt right
9. Not proactively taking action once she knew OPs credit would still be ruined

I judge people by their actions. And these are her actions. She had an asset she could borrow against. She didn't. She could have asked OP to open the cards for her, she didn't. She chose the one person she could take advantage of and that's what she did. OP had for force her to pay off the debt.

If she had no other assets, if she had gone to OP at any time I might have a different take, but she didnt.

Do you have anything of substantive advice for OP or at you just going to keep running down his mother? I'm doubtful that benefits OP in any way.

Yes.

1. C&F
Speak to the C&F attorney. But err on the side of disclosing too much than disclosing too little. The CA Bar can, will and has asked for credit reports. I speak from experience. And I had nothing that would have flagged them to ask for it either. But you don't want to be in a position where it looks like you might have been trying to hide something.

2. low credit score having an overall, long term negative impact
Go to the local precinct and talk to an officer. Have a discussion about the situation, ask them what the likelihood is that they pursue anything if your mother has already paid the debt off, and you only want to file the police report so you can get this off your credit report. Ask whoever you talk to about any and all decision makers.

If its the prosecutor, try to schedule time with their office to discuss. You may not get the lead prosecutor but you will likely be able to talk to SOMEONE that can let OP know if anyone would really pursue her mother for criminal charges given that the debt has been paid (restitution made) and that OP doesn't want to see her mother in jail.

I think its highly unlikely that anyone is going to want to go after a first time offender, in a family situation, when the debt has been paid off. But based on how the conversation goes, and knowing what the consequences will be of filing the report can help OP to make a better decision.

If the prosecutor/police officer/detective tell OP that they aren't going to criminally prosecute her mother, or thats not really their goal then OP should get the police report and give it to the credit reporting agencies so that those fraudulent accounts can be blocked and her credit score can come back up.

[cavalier1138]

This has all gotten pretty far astray, but I'm kind of bemused by the "PROTECT YOUR FAMILY AT ALL COSTS, LITTLE ONE," advice that's circulating here.

The OP doesn't want to implicate their mother. Fine. That's their choice. But the idea that one should never, ever, ever, not in a million years file charges against a family member who has committed a felony is absurd. It's not unreasonable to point out that the OP is really making this a lot harder on themselves and their fiance by taking this route. And it is unreasonable to say that blood relatives who do shitty things shouldn't be held responsible for them because family.

[Npret]

This has all gotten pretty far astray, but I'm kind of bemused by the "PROTECT YOUR FAMILY AT ALL COSTS, LITTLE ONE," advice that's circulating here.

The OP doesn't want to implicate their mother. Fine. That's their choice. But the idea that one should never, ever, ever, not in a million years file charges against a family member who has committed a felony is absurd. It's not unreasonable to point out that the OP is really making this a lot harder on themselves and their fiance by taking this route. And it is unreasonable to say that blood relatives who do shitty things shouldn't be held responsible for them because family.

You don't know that OPs life or situation will be better if he reports his mother to the police. That's an assumption.

[CanadianWolf]

OP: You revealed a very important piece of information in one of your subsequent posts when you wrote that you had some of the credit card companies reissue new cards to you with a different account number.

"I've also ... have had new cards issued for the accounts she opened that were not already closed by the creditor." = Doesn't sound much like fraud anymore.

[cavalier1138]

This has all gotten pretty far astray, but I'm kind of bemused by the "PROTECT YOUR FAMILY AT ALL COSTS, LITTLE ONE," advice that's circulating here.

The OP doesn't want to implicate their mother. Fine. That's their choice. But the idea that one should never, ever, ever, not in a million years file charges against a family member who has committed a felony is absurd. It's not unreasonable to point out that the OP is really making this a lot harder on themselves and their fiance by taking this route. And it is unreasonable to say that blood relatives who do shitty things shouldn't be held responsible for them because family.

You don't know that OPs life or situation will be better if he reports his mother to the police. That's an assumption.

And you don't know that the OP's life or situation will be better if he does report his mother to the police. Oh, hang on. You totally do. The OP will be able to live in their own goddamn apartment, get loans, and not be at risk of losing a future career. And I know, I know. All those Hallmark movies tell us that family is the most important thing. But maybe, just maybe, this one time, that isn't the case.

I mean, honestly. What would the mother have had to do in this case to warrant holding her responsible for her actions? Murder someone?

[Npret]

This has all gotten pretty far astray, but I'm kind of bemused by the "PROTECT YOUR FAMILY AT ALL COSTS, LITTLE ONE," advice that's circulating here.

The OP doesn't want to implicate their mother. Fine. That's their choice. But the idea that one should never, ever, ever, not in a million years file charges against a family member who has committed a felony is absurd. It's not unreasonable to point out that the OP is really making this a lot harder on themselves and their fiance by taking this route. And it is unreasonable to say that blood relatives who do shitty things shouldn't be held responsible for them because family.

You don't know that OPs life or situation will be better if he reports his mother to the police. That's an assumption.

And you don't know that the OP's life or situation will be better if he does report his mother to the police. Oh, hang on. You totally do. The OP will be able to live in their own goddamn apartment, get loans, and not be at risk of losing a future career. And I know, I know. All those Hallmark movies tell us that family is the most important thing. But maybe, just maybe, this one time, that isn't the case.

I mean, honestly. What would the mother have had to do in this case to warrant holding her responsible for her actions? Murder someone?

You don't know that this will solve OP issues and you don't know what other consequences will happen. You don't know if this is even necessary. Good to know you wouldn't hesitate to turn on your family if you thought it might benefit you. Not everyone will.

[Npret]

OP: You revealed a very important piece of information in one of your subsequent posts when you wrote that you had some of the credit card companies reissue new cards to you with a different account number.

"I've also ... have had new cards issued for the accounts she opened that were not already closed by the creditor." = Doesn't sound much like fraud anymore.

I'm not sure what you mean? It isn't fraud because they sent him new cards and he is using them? Sorry I missed this point.

I know I used to have credit cards with my name in them from my Moms AmEx account when I was a kid through college.

[cavalier1138]

You don't know that this will solve OP issues and you don't know what other consequences will happen. You don't know if this is even necessary. Good to know you wouldn't hesitate to turn on your family if you thought it might benefit you. Not everyone will.

Again, you're using this false axiom of "protect the family at all costs" to justify this approach. I appreciate that not everyone feels the same way, but you're treating anyone who would even dream of turning a family member into the police for committing a felony as though they're insane. It's got nothing to do with some sort of callous cost-benefit calculation. She committed a crime. The OP is a victim of that crime. Any impartial observer wouldn't hesitate to turn her in for it, because it's a horrible thing to do to another human being. But for some reason, the fact that she's someone's mother is supposed to make it all better?

[CanadianWolf]

In the real world, courts & credit card companies see these situations frequently. By having credit cards reissued to him, OP has dispelled any notion of fraud or identity theft.

P.S. Just work out payment plans with any remaining past due/charged off balances.

[lavarman84]

You don't know that this will solve OP issues and you don't know what other consequences will happen. You don't know if this is even necessary. Good to know you wouldn't hesitate to turn on your family if you thought it might benefit you. Not everyone will.

Again, you're using this false axiom of "protect the family at all costs" to justify this approach. I appreciate that not everyone feels the same way, but you're treating anyone who would even dream of turning a family member into the police for committing a felony as though they're insane. It's got nothing to do with some sort of callous cost-benefit calculation. She committed a crime. The OP is a victim of that crime. Any impartial observer wouldn't hesitate to turn her in for it, because it's a horrible thing to do to another human being. But for some reason, the fact that she's someone's mother is supposed to make it all better?

You're having to define the situation in broad language ("committed a felony") because you know how absurd it sounds when you actually compare the two potential outcomes.

[cavalier1138]

You don't know that this will solve OP issues and you don't know what other consequences will happen. You don't know if this is even necessary. Good to know you wouldn't hesitate to turn on your family if you thought it might benefit you. Not everyone will.

Again, you're using this false axiom of "protect the family at all costs" to justify this approach. I appreciate that not everyone feels the same way, but you're treating anyone who would even dream of turning a family member into the police for committing a felony as though they're insane. It's got nothing to do with some sort of callous cost-benefit calculation. She committed a crime. The OP is a victim of that crime. Any impartial observer wouldn't hesitate to turn her in for it, because it's a horrible thing to do to another human being. But for some reason, the fact that she's someone's mother is supposed to make it all better?

You're having to define the situation in broad language ("committed a felony") because you know how absurd it sounds when you actually compare the two potential outcomes.

I'm sorry, what language would you use? Intentionally fucked their own child over? Destroyed someone else's credit rating by deliberately involving them in credit card fraud? Committing a felony is probably the most genteel language I could use to describe this. And as for the two potential outcomes:

Outcome 1: The OP doesn't turn their mother in. Their credit is shot for the foreseeable future. Their bar application is potentially affected. They cannot get a place to live. They cannot get a credit card. They cannot get a mortgage. They cannot do anything financial until the damage is undone.

Outcome 2: The OP does turn their mother in. Their relationship with their mother likely suffers (because that apparently didn't happen already when she deliberately committed fraud using her own child's name). The mother possibly goes to jail for a short period. The OP can actually live their life. The family relationship is repaired after some amount of time, because again, it already survived this.

I'm not seeing any absurdity in comparing those two outcomes. I'd prefer the latter, but if the OP has really convinced themselves that their mother couldn't possibly have meant to do this (he ran into my knife... he ran into my knife five times), then they'll probably pick the former. It's going to come down to psychology, but I mainly felt that the supremacy of family relationships was getting taken for granted in the thread. Blood relation isn't something you can help, and it certainly doesn't create an obligation. More importantly, I really doubt we'd be having this debate if it had been a sibling, cousin, uncle, or even a father who did it.

[lavarman84]

Okay. So let's compare the two real outcomes (because I have a hard time seeing the CA Bar refusing to let OP in if he or she doesn't try to hide this): sending your mother to jail vs. having a bad credit score.

Can't speak for the OP, but that's an easy decision for me. It's an unfortunate decision but still an easy decision. For me, blood relation creates an obligation. That's how I was raised. The conversation would be the same for me if it was a father or a sibling.

[Npret]

In the real world, courts & credit card companies see these situations frequently. By having credit cards reissued to him, OP has dispelled any notion of fraud or identity theft.

P.S. Just work out payment plans with any remaining past due/charged off balances.

That is because if it was true identity theft by a stranger OP would have never touched those cards? Sorry if I'm obtuse.

I can see how this could happen frequently. There are offers for credit cards and loans in the mail all the time. My mom still gets some in my name at her apartment. I think there is a way to opt out of receiving them. I'm going to look into it.