How much say would your parents have if they paid tuition? Forum

TTTooKewl · Post by **TTTooKewl** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:16 pm

You're an adult. Make an adult decision. You live once, and the choices you make affect the course your life takes. On one side of the scale here, your parents will likely be unhappy that you leave the area and may feel betrayed. How quickly they will get over it, if at all, only you can judge. It's even possible they would respect you for making an adult decision. On the other side of the scale, if you stay, you may always wonder if you should have left, you may continue to want to leave, and you may always feel stifled. You need to make an adult decision. Adult decisions have consequences. Is there some reason you want to leave the area? I haven't lived near any family for 6 years--and I definitely took it for granted, being near family. It's nice to have family close. It's nice to feel independent and in charge of your own life, too.

dixiecupdrinking · Post by **dixiecupdrinking** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:24 pm

TheUnicornHunter wrote:Offer to pay them back, at least partially, if they're going to hold it over your head.

This is good advice. They won't take you up on it but you need to call this bluff.

jbagelboy · Post by **jbagelboy** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:44 pm

To repeat again, you're an adult. If my parents could have afforded to pay for law school tuition, they would let me decide what was best for me and support me in that choice. Regardless , I'd still take the scholarship to lessen their burden unless my parents were truly millionaires

NotMyRealName09 · Post by **NotMyRealName09** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 3:17 pm

Mal Reynolds wrote:
MarkinKansasCity wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
gaddockteeg wrote:are you kidding me? this is the most basic contract question of all time.

they give you X (money), you do Y.

if you dont like the contract, you don't take it. otherwise, stfu.
If you want to get all contracts-douche-y, you missed the part where the parents are trying to change the terms.
Since the parents receive no consideration though, there was no contract, and they are free to institute conditions of any kind.

I can't really see finding reliance damages or promissory estoppel here, unless there's some shit going on we don't know about.
C+

Jesus Christ it's a GIFT people, you fail contracts now. And in order for a gift to be conditional the condition has to be specified and agreed to prior to transfer of title of the cash. And it's doubtful this is even a revokable conditional gift, as I'm sure the parents never said "now before we give you this money, understand that you HAVE to take whatever job we decide for you."

And even if it was a revocable conditional gift, what, are they going to sue you and institute collections, garnish your paycheck at your new job?

While I appreciate that different people and cultures have different family values - you live in America now and you're going to be a lawyer. If you can't tell Mommy and Daddy that you're going to make your own decisions now, how will you have any backbone whatsoever to stand up for a client facing serious opposition?

You tell them thanks for the gift, it's opened up worlds of opportunity and success for you that will take you away from home, and tell them they should be happy for your opportunity and realize that their demands for you to stay close to home will snuff out your burgeoning potential. And if they persist in their protest, tell them you're sorry you feel that way and that you'll call them with your new address and phone number.

NotMyRealName09 · Post by **NotMyRealName09** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 3:24 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
victortsoi wrote:*anon here whose parents also helped. For what its worth, my parents are immigrants and we/I have some different concepts/values than a lot of "american" people I know...
The "deal" is you get help, but you keep the wealth in the family, help support them when they're older, and then also do the same for your kids, so the "collective" unit prospers. I guess this life-view requires less value on the individual, which you're either comfortable with or not.

Just putting that out there to put the whole parents/tuition thing into perspective. But in the case of OP, i feel like there is missing information.

Are they pissed that you dont want to do biglaw? Is it that they feel you wont make back on their investment?

Kind of reminds me of the whole, "would you pay to put your kid through art/film school" discussion
Op here. I agree we are an immigrant family as well. Leaving the region doesn't mean that I wouldn't help them when I get older. There isn't any missing information. They simply do not want me to live in the region that I want to live in.

They just tell me that I don't know what I want in life and what makes me happy. They also claim I am lazy if I don't want to work in biglaw anymore.

I am 30 years old and they still want to make decisions for me to what they assume is the "best" for me.

I always thought it was a pass it forward type of deal where you give your kids all your resources and your kids do the same with their kids.

Wow, you're 30, in big law.....and this is a question you're asking.......I truly can't comprehend this level of parental fidelity at 30 years old. This must be premised on some very different cultural values than those of the typical American. I ask this without joking - did they arrange your marriage too? Is that they type of cultural issues taking place here?

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 3:47 pm

What type of advice are you looking for by posting to a forum like this? If you want to make the move to the region your parents don't want you to go to, then weigh your pros/cons first and do it if you think it's right for you - no amount of Internet validation is going to make that decision any easier.

To echo the above posters, you're also 30. When you first wrote your post, I assumed you were a lot younger than that. At this point in your life, you're old enough to be at a stage where you need to make whatever decision you feel is best for you.

Manhattan · Post by **Manhattan** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:01 pm

Once, shortly before I graduated college, my parents tried to tell me what to do with my career. I changed my address and refused to answer their calls and emails for several years. It was the best decision I've ever made for our relationship. I suggest you give it a try.

Anonymous User · Post by **Anonymous User** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:04 pm

Manhattan wrote:Once, shortly before I graduated college, my parents tried to tell me what to do with my career. I changed my address and refused to answer their calls and emails for several years. It was the best decision I've ever made for our relationship. I suggest you give it a try.

Does paying law school tuition, basically 100k, matter in this circumstance?

Manhattan · Post by **Manhattan** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:13 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
Manhattan wrote:Once, shortly before I graduated college, my parents tried to tell me what to do with my career. I changed my address and refused to answer their calls and emails for several years. It was the best decision I've ever made for our relationship. I suggest you give it a try.
Does paying law school tuition, basically 100k, matter in this circumstance?

If you received a scholarship to go to law school (let's say a full-ride scholarship to UChicago - the Rubenstein), would you listen to David Rubenstein if he told you he wanted you to work in Idaho when you really wanted to work in New York? Or would you say, "F@ck you Dave, I'm going to New York!"? I am not sure why the situation should be different just because it is your parents who dished out the money.

jbagelboy · Post by **jbagelboy** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:27 pm

Manhattan wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
Manhattan wrote:Once, shortly before I graduated college, my parents tried to tell me what to do with my career. I changed my address and refused to answer their calls and emails for several years. It was the best decision I've ever made for our relationship. I suggest you give it a try.
Does paying law school tuition, basically 100k, matter in this circumstance?
If you received a scholarship to go to law school (let's say a full-ride scholarship to UChicago - the Rubenstein), would you listen to David Rubenstein if he told you he wanted you to work in Idaho when you really wanted to work in New York? Or would you say, "F@ck you Dave, I'm going to New York!"? I am not sure why the situation should be different just because it is your parents who dished out the money.

I mean, to be fair, it could have a substantial impact on the cost/benefit of your choices. I might make some adjustments to my chosen career trajectory - such as living in one city over another, within reason - if my debt was waived.

84651846190 · Post by **84651846190** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:48 pm

DF thread?

fallingup · Post by **fallingup** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:26 pm

They have no control over you. They can't make you choose anything. You do realize that, right? What are they going to do if you make a decision they don't like? Spank you and take away your toys? You're an adult now. It's probably very scary for them to come to terms with this, but trust me, they will. Regardless, you can't live your life with their feelings dictating your choices.

If I had agreed to let my parents pay my law school tuition (which I refused to do, for this exact reason), and they pulled this crap with me, I would have instituted a payment plan where I paid them back every penny of what they had given me. My independence as an adult is worth far more than 100,000 to me. I'm not exaggerating at all; I seriously would pay it back, and I would thank them for the interest-free student loan.

I can't believe you're 30 years old. I fear for your future spouse, or pity your current one if you have one. I bet you let your folks walk all over him/her too.

Manhattan · Post by **Manhattan** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:06 pm

Anonymous User wrote:They have no control over you. They can't make you choose anything. You do realize that, right? What are they going to do if you make a decision they don't like? Spank you and take away your toys? You're an adult now. It's probably very scary for them to come to terms with this, but trust me, they will. Regardless, you can't live your life with their feelings dictating your choices.

If I had agreed to let my parents pay my law school tuition (which I refused to do, for this exact reason), and they pulled this crap with me, I would have instituted a payment plan where I paid them back every penny of what they had given me. My independence as an adult is worth far more than 100,000 to me. I'm not exaggerating at all; I seriously would pay it back, and I would thank them for the interest-free student loan.

I can't believe you're 30 years old. I fear for your future spouse, or pity your current one if you have one. I bet you let your folks walk all over him/her too.

brave words from the anon user.

mirage1287 · Post by **mirage1287** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:09 pm

A little overly upset there anon? Perhaps some residual bitterness from personal experience coming out.

gaddockteeg · Post by **gaddockteeg** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 8:08 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
gaddockteeg wrote:are you kidding me? this is the most basic contract question of all time.

they give you X (money), you do Y.

if you dont like the contract, you don't take it. otherwise, stfu.
If you want to get all contracts-douche-y, you missed the part where the parents are trying to change the terms.

Either I misread OP, or he/she edited the original post after I posted. I had originally thought he/she was considering whether or not to accept parent's offer.

edit: i should add that regardless, my comment is moot now.

vandalvideo · Post by **vandalvideo** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:03 pm

NotMyRealName09 wrote: Jesus Christ it's a GIFT people, you fail contracts now. And in order for a gift to be conditional the condition has to be specified and agreed to prior to transfer of title of the cash. And it's doubtful this is even a revokable conditional gift, as I'm sure the parents never said "now before we give you this money, understand that you HAVE to take whatever job we decide for you."

And even if it was a revocable conditional gift, what, are they going to sue you and institute collections, garnish your paycheck at your new job?

While I appreciate that different people and cultures have different family values - you live in America now and you're going to be a lawyer. If you can't tell Mommy and Daddy that you're going to make your own decisions now, how will you have any backbone whatsoever to stand up for a client facing serious opposition?

You tell them thanks for the gift, it's opened up worlds of opportunity and success for you that will take you away from home, and tell them they should be happy for your opportunity and realize that their demands for you to stay close to home will snuff out your burgeoning potential. And if they persist in their protest, tell them you're sorry you feel that way and that you'll call them with your new address and phone number.

B+. There are some fun things you can do when you get the IRS involved with this one.

sparty99 · Post by **sparty99** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:45 pm

Dude, shutup. You are almost 30 and are acting like a pansy. I can't believe you even lasted 3 years in Big Law if you asked this question.

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