PS Help Forum

[PSPSPSPS]

I need some help/advice on my PS. Super super rough draft. Still working on the last two paragraphs. I need a new hook line, obviously. Be vicious, I have no internet feelings and would really appreciate some advice.

[CanadianWolf]

Great until the second sentence of the last paragraph. This sentence is unnecessarily repetitive. Otherwise, reads well.

[lymenheimer]

Since your PS isn't finished, it isn't that great. I would advise you repost it when it's done, because nobody knows the direction you're going. We can assume, but that doesn't help with some cases. Regarding what you have here, you talk a lot about your environment and others more than yourself. If you are going with the last 2 paragraphs beings about you, it's still a disproportionate amount of background info that could be shaved and trimmed up. There's no clear insight into you, other than how you realized you have it better than those folks you work(ed?) with at the minimum wage job. I'm not sure how the public defender ensures the children have food on the table (but it doesn't really matter because it's not about you). If you want to use this experience, you can phrase it so that it still expresses the issue, but clearly states or leads to the purpose of using it (ie. struggling family --> legal troubles --> co-worker got to be home for the holidays --> I want to put families together for the holidays). You chose a major to help people, so social work? Why not get an MSW? I would assume they get to interact more with needy families than a lawyer would if you really want to help people.

Like I said, it's hard to give you solid advice while you're still working on it. Just finish it and come back after a solid read-through of your own.

[CanadianWolf]

Seems as though the above poster & I read different writings. I think that your partially completed law school PS offers significant insights into who you are & how you think. Also, seems clear to me that the availability of a public defender helped keep food on the table because the legal representation was free of charge and may have enabled the worker to keep working & to stay out of jail prior to trial. Also, it seems clear to me where this essay is heading.

I referred to your writing as great so far because of the clarity & conciseness of your writing while effectively communicating a substantial amount of insight into your mind. You offer reflective analysis with clear conclusions which show growth & maturity.

With respect to offering you solid advice, just keep doing what you are doing.

[lymenheimer]

I think we are usually fairly consistent in agreeing based on the content of PSes, but in this case I will stand by my suggestion of finishing the PS then coming back. I've read multiple where I thought I knew where it was headed, but it didn't go that route and instead went another way. There are definitely logical steps laid out in this PS, but carrying them to the next step must be done before assuming that it has/will be done. I do think that it offers insight into the thought process, but there doesn't seem to be much substance therein apart from the "these people are worse off than me...wow" vibe. But it could come to light more with the conclusory paragraphs.

My point in singling the PD section was to indicate that there are multiple interpretations of what could have happened, but regardless, it is not clear what happened especially considering the prior sentence. She could not guarantee that her children would have gifts despite working 50 hours a week. The PD ensured that they had food on the table. The former sentence discusses gifts and the latter discusses sustenance with a minimal connection apart from being thrown into the "legal system". For what? A speeding ticket that can be forgiven? Not that the details need to be hashed out, but it could be a bit more clear so as to get the context of the following statements. Perhaps it is just an organizational/rewording correction that can be made to make it more distinct the role of the PD in that situation, especially if it is the goal of the author to lead into discussing his desire to be a PD.

Also, I just wanted to mention that a thought might be present about the desire for law if all one wants to do is help people in need. PD is a noble goal, but as I said, a MSW may put OP in a better position. It doesn't necessarily have to reflect in the PS, but it may be something the OP wants to consider.

[CanadianWolf]

Opinions can & do differ as writing is more an art than a science. I've read the partial PS posted above four times & remain impressed by the clarity & conciseness of the writing while effectively conveying insights into the writer's makeup as well as about the world in which we live.

[CanadianWolf]

In my opinion, the logical conclusion would be to express an interest in public interest law. The writer may be encountering difficulties in finishing this essay because he wants to regurgitate his resume in the concluding paragraph while justifying a decision to attend law school. Try to resist the urge to rehash the resume in the conclusion as it is likely to weaken an otherwise well done writing.

[cbbinnyc]

I guess I fall somewhere between the two previous posters. I did think this PS gave me some insight into who you are, but you could use some more specifics as I had a few questions that came up. For example, did you take this job as a PT position while you were in school, or did you take time off before college? If it's the latter, you may want to explain briefly why you decided to take some time before college to work a minimum-wage job. Also, I'm curious to know what the job was exactly, not so much because the nature of the job matters but because it would add a level of specificity that would bring the story alive a bit more.

I agree with lymenheimer that you might want to expand on the PD section, especially if that relates to your career goals. What did the PD do, exactly?

Another thought (sorry, these aren't in any sort of order), I think you overstate your ignorance of the other half ("If I wasn't struggling, neither was anyone else"). I imagine/hope that you knew there are people out there living at or below the poverty line who struggle to get by. I'm guessing you realized that but it didn't sink in until you experienced it first hand. That might be a better tack to take than suggesting that you were completely ignorant of other people's struggles.

[PSPSPSPS]

I guess I fall somewhere between the two previous posters. I did think this PS gave me some insight into who you are, but you could use some more specifics as I had a few questions that came up. For example, did you take this job as a PT position while you were in school, or did you take time off before college? If it's the latter, you may want to explain briefly why you decided to take some time before college to work a minimum-wage job. Also, I'm curious to know what the job was exactly, not so much because the nature of the job matters but because it would add a level of specificity that would bring the story alive a bit more.

I agree with lymenheimer that you might want to expand on the PD section, especially if that relates to your career goals. What did the PD do, exactly?

Another thought (sorry, these aren't in any sort of order), I think you overstate your ignorance of the other half ("If I wasn't struggling, neither was anyone else"). I imagine/hope that you knew there are people out there living at or below the poverty line who struggle to get by. I'm guessing you realized that but it didn't sink in until you experienced it first hand. That might be a better tack to take than suggesting that you were completely ignorant of other people's struggles.

This was a job I got senior year of highschool. I went to school immediately after HS and I worked there that Christmas break and the summer of my freshman year. It was originally a cashier (17 years old here) I ended up being one of the supervisors for the front end after I turned 18. Then I did a study abroad soph. year summer, then an internship junior year summer. The ignorance is more of how I grew up and is pretty genuine honestly, until I got humbled at my first job and saw that the people were hard workers that had some hard breaks.

[CanadianWolf]

OP: Please don't ruin or weaken this excellent piece of work by adding unnecessary details.