feedback negotiation letter Forum

[giantsfan19192]

Any feedback on my negotiation letter? I currently have a 90k offer, but was just taken off a waitlist at another school (lower scholarship, but slightly employment score)

Dear Dean X,

I have recently put down my deposit to be a member of the Class of 2017. I am very exited to start my law school career in the fall and I know X SCHOOL would be a great fit for me. I’ve been particularly interested in X SCHOOL'S certificate programs and the more I learn about the school, the more excited I get about the prospect of attending X SCHOOL.

However, I was recently offered admission and a scholarship at another law school I had been waitlisted at. Because I am now reconsidering my options, I am writing to inquire about the availability of additional merit aid. I was thrilled to have been awarded with a scholarship, but even with the generous offer I was given, my debt load will be significant. I had been previously told that after April 1 there would be a possibility of receiving an increase in my current merit scholarship offer. Because my decision at this point comes down to finances and job prospects, I was hoping that my scholarship offer could be reconsidered.


Once again, I am very appreciative of your initial offer and I thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Mr. X

[theycallmefoes]

Any feedback on my negotiation letter? I currently have a 90k offer, but was just taken off a waitlist at another school (lower scholarship, but slightly employment score)

Dear Dean X,

I have recently put down my deposit to be a member of the Class of 2017. I am very exited to start my law school career in the fall and I know X SCHOOL would be a great fit for me. I’ve been particularly interested in X SCHOOL'S certificate programs and the more I learn about the school, the more excited I get about the prospect of attending X SCHOOL.

However, I was recently offered admission and a scholarship at another law school I had been waitlisted at. Because I am now reconsidering my options, I am writing to inquire about the availability of additional merit aid. I was thrilled to have been awarded with a scholarship, but even with the generous offer I was given, my debt load will be significant. I had been previously told that after April 1 there would be a possibility of receiving an increase in my current merit scholarship offer. Because my decision at this point comes down to finances and job prospects, I was hoping that my scholarship offer could be reconsidered.


Once again, I am very appreciative of your initial offer and I thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Mr. X

You mentioned that the other offer is lower, but is it relatively comparable? Is it from a peer school? What about other offers? I would include some specifics in the actual letter (I understand if you don't want to do so on the forum), especially since some schools will request copies of your award letter(s).

I don't think you need to mention that you had previously been wait-listed at the other school - they just need to know that School Y has offered you a scholarship. Also, instead of saying "Because I am now reconsidering my options" try something like "Although School X is my first choice, the scholarship offer I have received from School Y has prompted me to reconsider my options."

This is nit-picking, but instead of saying "Because my decision at this point comes down to finances and job prospects," I would say something like "Because my decision will be based on my financial situation and potential job prospects, I would greatly appreciate it if you could reevaluate my scholarship award."

Also, my inner grammar guru compels me to tell you that you should not end sentences with prepositions. (Sorry.)

Hope this helps!

[giantsfan19192]

Any feedback on my negotiation letter? I currently have a 90k offer, but was just taken off a waitlist at another school (lower scholarship, but slightly employment score)

Dear Dean X,

I have recently put down my deposit to be a member of the Class of 2017. I am very exited to start my law school career in the fall and I know X SCHOOL would be a great fit for me. I’ve been particularly interested in X SCHOOL'S certificate programs and the more I learn about the school, the more excited I get about the prospect of attending X SCHOOL.

However, I was recently offered admission and a scholarship at another law school I had been waitlisted at. Because I am now reconsidering my options, I am writing to inquire about the availability of additional merit aid. I was thrilled to have been awarded with a scholarship, but even with the generous offer I was given, my debt load will be significant. I had been previously told that after April 1 there would be a possibility of receiving an increase in my current merit scholarship offer. Because my decision at this point comes down to finances and job prospects, I was hoping that my scholarship offer could be reconsidered.


Once again, I am very appreciative of your initial offer and I thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Mr. X

You mentioned that the other offer is lower, but is it relatively comparable? Is it from a peer school? What about other offers? I would include some specifics in the actual letter (I understand if you don't want to do so on the forum), especially since some schools will request copies of your award letter(s).

I don't think you need to mention that you had previously been wait-listed at the other school - they just need to know that School Y has offered you a scholarship. Also, instead of saying "Because I am now reconsidering my options" try something like "Although School X is my first choice, the scholarship offer I have received from School Y has prompted me to reconsider my options."

This is nit-picking, but instead of saying "Because my decision at this point comes down to finances and job prospects," I would say something like "Because my decision will be based on my financial situation and potential job prospects, I would greatly appreciate it if you could reevaluate my scholarship award."

Also, my inner grammar guru compels me to tell you that you should not end sentences with prepositions. (Sorry.)

Hope this helps!

Thanks for your input, very helpful! So far this school has given me the biggest offer, so I'm not sure how useful it would be to include the number. Do you think I should include that specific info if its significantly less? The school I just got off the waiting list for is slightly better, but the scholarshis so much lower I'm not really considering going there I just really wanted to use that as leverage to try and get more money out of the school I have deposited at.