GPA Addendum Assessment Please! Forum

[biguplaws]

Due to immaturity and lack of focus, I had a bad start to my undergraduate career. I started my first semester as an aerospace engineering major. After underperforming, I changed my major. I was not prepared for the other factors that would affect my academic performance and therefore was too immature to deal with the four deaths that occurred during my first two years. I became depressed and isolated myself from any avenue that may have been of help.
I have matured greatly from this time. Evidence of this is that even though since then I have suffered through two other family deaths, my academic performance from the spring 2011 until now has not wavered. In light of these facts, the university deemed me fit to receive a retroactive withdrawal for the fall 2010 semester. Other evidence of my strong academic performance and maturation is that I was put on the Dean’s List in spring 2012. I hope that this will be considered as a more accurate representation of my academic aptitude.

[dproduct]

I believe I can fly.

IMO, I would avoid phrases like "beyonce" and "paris hilton". You don't want to beat yourself up in an addendum. Dealing with FOUR family/friend deaths in that short of a timespan is extremely hard to deal with and has less to do with your immaturity and more to do with absolutely horrible luck in life.

The ending is what your entire addendum should be about. The upward grade trend is something you want them to take notice of. Stick to: Noting the loss/traumatic experience ---> how you have become a stronger/better person because of it ----> as evidenced by grade improvements/involvement etc.

Also OP, I'm very sorry you had to endure so much loss. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been. Props to powering through and coming back strong.

ETA: There ya go! Next time just PM if I quote something you want me to delete

[biguplaws]

Thank you for your tips. I have decided to just take out the entire first sentence and substitute immature in the other sentence for unable to.
Also, I appreciate your condolences.
If there is anyway you could edit out my addendum, that would be greatly appreciated.

[onionskin]

You should be able to do it yourself but in any case I've pointed the moderating team this way so they should take care of it if you don't.

[bk1]

You should be able to do it yourself but in any case I've pointed the moderating team this way so they should take care of it if you don't.

We do not edit out posts unless there has been a rule violation. OP is free to edit their own posts and PM other users asking them to do the same (but other users are under no obligation to comply).