Last Step! Critique my C/F Addendum for me! Forum

[crv8623]

I have had three incidents with alcohol, two citations, and one fight. Here is my addendum:

On May 10, 2008, I was issued a city ordinance offense for consumption of alcohol by a minor. I was walking down an alley and threw a beer can on the ground. A police officer was behind me and issued me the citation. I paid the designated fine.

On September 4, 2009, I was issued a city ordinance offence for consumption of alcohol by a minor. I was attending a loud off-campus party when the police showed up. I paid the designated fine.

On February 5, 2010, I was arrested for domestic battery. I was heavily intoxicated and, unfortunately, got into a fight with my roommate and best friend. The proceeding charges were not filed against me. This was the most embarrassing and shameful event of my entire life and it motivated me to completely change who I was. After this incident, I made amends with my friend, rejoined the varsity swim team at my school, significantly raised my GPA, and have had nothing on my record since that date. I cannnot change what occured. I can only use the lessons I learned to never let anything like it happen again.

[AS33]

This is something small, but I would take out the word "heavily" and just say that you were intoxicated. No need to tell them the extent of your drunkenness, they can probably make that assumption themselves.

[bp shinners]

On February 5, 2010, I was arrested for domestic battery. I was heavily intoxicated and, unfortunately, got into a fight with my roommate and best friend. The proceeding charges were not filed against me. This was the most embarrassing and shameful event of my entire life and it motivated me to completely change who I was. After this incident, I made amends with my friend, rejoined the varsity swim team at my school, significantly raised my GPA, and have had nothing on my record since that date. I cannnot change what occured. I can only use the lessons I learned to never let anything like it happen again.

The first two are fine; I might pare back the info about walking down an alley and throwing out a beer can, but they're short and to the point.

However, those two together with this third one creates questions about your relationship with alcohol. Since that incident, have you attended AA meetings or stopped drinking? If you have, definitely include that.