Anyone willing to critique my merit aid inquiry? Forum

[superhands]

So I've been admitted at two schools so far. School A has offered me some $$, however, School B is offering nothing. My GPA and LSAT are above the median at both schools and I was thinking about asking School B for some scholarship money. I drafted an email to School B, asking about the availability of merit aid, but I'm worried that the tone may come off as a bit prickish. Would anyone be willing to take the time to review the email and to give me some feedback?

[CanadianWolf]

Reminds me of the movie Jerry Maguire.

P.S. PM it to me if you like.