Your thoughts on my C&F Statement Forum

[imalongshot]

On 1 July 2008, I was arrested in [City, State]. I was charged with Obstruction of Justice and Resisting Arrest due to a physical altercation I had at a nightclub with the venue’s security staff. They forced me to leave the venue because I was heavily intoxicated. I tried to explain that I was there with my family celebrating my cousin’s birthday and I wanted to let my family know that I would be leaving. The security staff did not allow for that to occur and that is when the police got involved and arrested me. On 15 July 2008, the Honorable John F. Carter dismissed the Obstruction of Justice charge and reduced the Resisting Arrest charge, finding me guilty of a Disorderly Persons Offense. As a result of my conviction, I was ordered to pay $25.00 in court costs and $100.00 in other assessments. I remain regretful and embarrassed of the incident, and have since refrained from excessive drinking.

What do you think?

[Kiersten1985]

They forced me to leave the venue because I was heavily intoxicated. I tried to explain that I was there with my family celebrating my cousin’s birthday and I wanted to let my family know that I would be leaving. The security staff did not allow for that to occur . . . .

reads "I really didn't do anything. It was the nightclub's fault." I know that's not what you're trying to say but that's what I interpreted it to mean when I read it.

I would try something like "On July 1, 2008, I was at a nightclub in [city] to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I was intoxicated and did not comply with the security staff's request that I leave. I was arrested and charged with Obstruction . . . . The court reduced the charge . . . . and assessed a fee of $125 which I promptly paid . . . . I regret and take full responsibility for my actions and have not had any negative experiences with the law since." Keep it short.

Also, don't say you've since refrained from excessive drinking because we all know that's not true. It's similar to how people say they're never going to drink again when they're hung over.

[MysticalWheel]

They forced me to leave the venue because I was heavily intoxicated. I tried to explain that I was there with my family celebrating my cousin’s birthday and I wanted to let my family know that I would be leaving. The security staff did not allow for that to occur . . . .

reads "I really didn't do anything. It was the nightclub's fault." I know that's not what you're trying to say but that's what I interpreted it to mean when I read it.

I would try something like "On July 1, 2008, I was at a nightclub in [city] to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I was intoxicated and did not comply with the security staff's request that I leave. I was arrested and charged with Obstruction . . . . The court reduced the charge . . . . and assessed a fee of $125 which I promptly paid . . . . I regret and take full responsibility for my actions and have not had any negative experiences with the law since." Keep it short.

Also, don't say you've since refrained from excessive drinking because we all know that's not true. It's similar to how people say they're never going to drink again when they're hung over.

+1.

MW

[Fender2210]

1) Just man up and don't shift blame, as mentioned above. Believe it or not, it makes you seem more immature if you try to say that it wasn't your fault.
2) Write your dates the American way.

[imalongshot]

They forced me to leave the venue because I was heavily intoxicated. I tried to explain that I was there with my family celebrating my cousin’s birthday and I wanted to let my family know that I would be leaving. The security staff did not allow for that to occur . . . .

reads "I really didn't do anything. It was the nightclub's fault." I know that's not what you're trying to say but that's what I interpreted it to mean when I read it.

I would try something like "On July 1, 2008, I was at a nightclub in [city] to celebrate my cousin's birthday. I was intoxicated and did not comply with the security staff's request that I leave. I was arrested and charged with Obstruction . . . . The court reduced the charge . . . . and assessed a fee of $125 which I promptly paid . . . . I regret and take full responsibility for my actions and have not had any negative experiences with the law since." Keep it short.

Also, don't say you've since refrained from excessive drinking because we all know that's not true. It's similar to how people say they're never going to drink again when they're hung over.

Thank you for your comments, Kiersten. I included the excessive drinking bit because I was advised to include a sentence or two on what I learned as a result of the incident, and what I did to prevent such a thing from happening again. In any case, what do you think of what I wrote below?

On 1 July 2008, I was at a nightclub in [City, State] celebrating my cousin’s birthday. I was intoxicated and did not comply with the security staff’s request that I leave. I was arrested and charged with Obstruction of Justice and Resisting Arrest. On 15 July 2008, the court dismissed the Obstruction of Justice charge and reduced the Resisting Arrest charge, finding me guilty of a Disorderly Persons Offense. I was ordered to pay $25.00 in court costs and $100.00 in other assessments, which I promptly paid. I regret and take full responsibility for my actions and have not had any negative experiences with the law since.

[imalongshot]

1) Just man up and don't shift blame, as mentioned above. Believe it or not, it makes you seem more immature if you try to say that it wasn't your fault.
2) Write your dates the American way.

Thank you for your comments, Fender.