e-mail to the dean of admissions. please critique! Forum

[lalalawya]

.

[Knock]

I meant with the dean of admissions for one of the schools I am applying to. He asked that I send him an e-mail once I have submitted my app so he can be "on the look-out" for it. I don't know what the standard etiquette is for this, so can you guys offer feedback? Thanks!

Hello Mr. XYZ,
Per our conversation this past July, I am writing to inform you that I have submitted my application to XXX law school. As I had previously mentioned to you, I have decided to apply through the early decision program. I look forward to you and your colleagues reviewing my application.

Best,
ABC

Per our conversation sounds a little bit too formal. I'd also add that you enjoyed talking to him, and then thank him for his time.

[lalalawya]

.

[Knock]

Is this better?

Hello Mr. XYZ,
As discussed in our meeting this past July, I am writing to inform you that I have submitted my application to XXX law school. As I had previously mentioned to you, I have decided to apply through the early decision program. I truly appreciate you taking the time to sit down to speak with me. Our conversation is really what cemented my interest in XXX.

I look forward to you and your colleagues reviewing my application.

Best,
ABC

Looks good to me!

ETA: I'd call him Dean XYZ, not Mr. XYZ.

[lalalawya]

Good point. Thanks for your help!

[Knock]

Good point. Thanks for your help!

No problem, best of luck!

[Jack Smirks]

Good point. Thanks for your help!

No problem, best of luck!

BOOM
*high fives all around*