Hows 1L Living With a S.O. Forum

[dominkay]

Have you ever actually lived with someone?

Yes.

I'm always surprised to hear people talk like circumstances don't matter at all.

I wouldn't say circumstances don't matter at all, but I say the most important circumstance is the degree to which you love the individual, and the importance of the relationship.

If LOVE is really the most important thing, then it shouldn't matter when or whether you move in together. SO, why not err on the side that will help your career?

[kalvano]

To Kalvano and Dominkay, when would you advise that they do move in together for the first time if not 1L?

Sometime a little less stressful. Adjusting to having someone share your pad, your bathroom, your bed...it's weird at first.

girls share their pads w/ their bfs? man...that'd take awhile for me to get use to

Whippersnapper.

[rundoxierun]

I can see an argument for 2L 3L, although I am concerned about the Long distance period. And again, while academic stress goes down, career stress goes up during 2L and 3L. And if you're on a journal... oh boy!

I understand the importance of GPA, especially 1L GPA. However, I think to risk a relationship for a possible GPA boost is misplacing your priorities. But that's just me. Each person has to prioritize their own lives. Which is more important to you, your relationship or a minor improvement in your law school success. For those who vote the latter, you may want to reevaluate the strength of your relationship, and whether it should continue at all.

Doesn't "love" mean something stronger than "reasonable compatibility" and "luck?" Again, this is a question each person has to answer for themselves.

I didn't say that love IS being reasonably compatible. I said that you need to have love AND reasonable compatibility for a relationship to work.

Doesn't love mean something stronger than proximity? Which is more important to you, being together now, or building a future for yourself and your partner? If they're not willing to hold off on moving in together for a single year, in the interest of your shared future, perhaps you should reevaluate the strength of your relationship.

Thats movie talk, not reality. In reality even the strongest people get tired of being alone and/or waiting around and sacrifices have to be made. Like I said, not living together isnt going to help you anyway.

[Fred_McGriff]

The thing is.. Long Distance or whatever doesnt require any less time or effort than living together and it comes with an equivalent amount of stress. There will be many very long talks, many arguments, plus you have to make an extra effort to let the person know you care since you cant be there physically.

This.

A very good point. Some gems in this thread. Thanks all.

[dominkay]

I can see an argument for 2L 3L, although I am concerned about the Long distance period. And again, while academic stress goes down, career stress goes up during 2L and 3L. And if you're on a journal... oh boy!

I understand the importance of GPA, especially 1L GPA. However, I think to risk a relationship for a possible GPA boost is misplacing your priorities. But that's just me. Each person has to prioritize their own lives. Which is more important to you, your relationship or a minor improvement in your law school success. For those who vote the latter, you may want to reevaluate the strength of your relationship, and whether it should continue at all.

Doesn't "love" mean something stronger than "reasonable compatibility" and "luck?" Again, this is a question each person has to answer for themselves.

I didn't say that love IS being reasonably compatible. I said that you need to have love AND reasonable compatibility for a relationship to work.

Doesn't love mean something stronger than proximity? Which is more important to you, being together now, or building a future for yourself and your partner? If they're not willing to hold off on moving in together for a single year, in the interest of your shared future, perhaps you should reevaluate the strength of your relationship.

Thats movie talk, not reality. In reality even the strongest people get tired of being alone and/or waiting around and sacrifices have to be made. Like I said, not living together isnt going to help you anyway.

Well, I think "if it doesn't work now, it will never work" is movie talk.

Also, I was specifically mocking what he said previously. I was even using his own words!

[northwood]

how far are you going to be moving for law school? If its relatively close ( within 8 hours or so) then you could wait until after 1L to move in, unless you both agree taht your relationship needs to go to the next level. IF its far away- then IMO the distance will eventually ruin the relationship ( due to the increase in stress, lonliness, etc). As for your comment about what law school to go to ( your facorite or hers) well thats a big issue. If you go to the school of her liking you may resent the school if it doesnt last . If she hates your school- then her resentment may cause the relationship to fail. You need to have a conversation about what schools you want to go, and what schools you are willing to go to, in order to keep her happy. IF this cant happen- you need to step back re adjust and decide if going to that law school is worth the end of the relationship.

Good luck

[Always Credited]

Can we go with the answer that everyone's circumstances, priorities and personalities vary so widely that it isn't realistically feasible to construct a response even approaching the level of objectivity required to apply it accurately to someone else's situation?

plzzz?

[kalvano]

If two people really love each other, but they just can't get it together, at what point do you say enough is enough?

[legalease9]

I can see an argument for 2L 3L, although I am concerned about the Long distance period. And again, while academic stress goes down, career stress goes up during 2L and 3L. And if you're on a journal... oh boy!

I understand the importance of GPA, especially 1L GPA. However, I think to risk a relationship for a possible GPA boost is misplacing your priorities. But that's just me. Each person has to prioritize their own lives. Which is more important to you, your relationship or a minor improvement in your law school success. For those who vote the latter, you may want to reevaluate the strength of your relationship, and whether it should continue at all.

Doesn't "love" mean something stronger than "reasonable compatibility" and "luck?" Again, this is a question each person has to answer for themselves.

I didn't say that love IS being reasonably compatible. I said that you need to have love AND reasonable compatibility for a relationship to work.

Doesn't love mean something stronger than proximity? Which is more important to you, being together now, or building a future for yourself and your partner? If they're not willing to hold off on moving in together for a single year, in the interest of your shared future, perhaps you should reevaluate the strength of your relationship.

Yes Love does mean more than proximity. But, having to be without someone you love is far more challenging than living with them during a stressful time. The celebacy alone will be a challenge, not to mention the lack of comfort etc. As I said, some circumstances do matter, and I think that Long distance between you and your potential wife (which is what OP stated) is a far more difficult circumstance than living with that potential wife during 1L.

[DoubleChecks]

I understand the importance of GPA, especially 1L GPA. However, I think to risk a relationship for a possible GPA boost is misplacing your priorities. But that's just me. Each person has to prioritize their own lives. Which is more important to you, your relationship or a minor improvement in your law school success. For those who vote the latter, you may want to reevaluate the strength of your relationship, and whether it should continue at all.

hahaha do you see what you sort of did right there?

edit: im a psych major, so im kinda big into the whole "proximity is REALLY important for the success and health of a relationship"

[legalease9]

Can we go with the answer that everyone's circumstances, priorities and personalities vary so widely that it isn't realistically feasible to construct a response even approaching the level of objectivity required to apply it accurately to someone else's situation?

plzzz?

Yes, priorities and preferences vary widely. But, in OP's case, because of the potential wife bit, I think Long Distance=bad is a reasonable and objective conclusion.

[rundoxierun]

Well, I think "if it doesn't work now, it will never work" is movie talk.

Ehh.. think what you will.. doesnt really bother me. I would also like to take the time to say from the friends I have in law school(~15 at various schools from tier 4 to T20 and of various class ranks) TLS vastly overstates the difficulty of law school. Even as 1Ls most of them all had pretty standard social lives, time to date etc. There were very specific short bursts of hard work but for the most part it was not much different from undergrad. 2 studied all the time(one in top 25% at a tier 4 and the other in top half of T20) but they were the types who studied a lot even in undergrad.

[northwood]

Can we go with the answer that everyone's circumstances, priorities and personalities vary so widely that it isn't realistically feasible to construct a response even approaching the level of objectivity required to apply it accurately to someone else's situation?

plzzz?

sure can. but since op decided to ask for our opinions, then our opinions is what op gets

btw asking for relationship advice in an internet forum is not a good idea... Dr. PHil, opera, or who ever arent on this forum and cant help whoever asks

[legalease9]

Can we go with the answer that everyone's circumstances, priorities and personalities vary so widely that it isn't realistically feasible to construct a response even approaching the level of objectivity required to apply it accurately to someone else's situation?

plzzz?

sure can. but since op decided to ask for our opinions, then our opinions is what op gets

btw asking for relationship advice in an internet forum is not a good idea... Dr. PHil, opera, or who ever arent on this forum and cant help whoever asks

Lol, I'd take TLS relationship advice long before Dr. Phil.

[Always Credited]

Taking relationship advice from anyone who hasn't directly experienced your relationship is a fail.

[northwood]

^^^^^^ very true

[Maude Lebowski]

Can we go with the answer that everyone's circumstances, priorities and personalities vary so widely that it isn't realistically feasible to construct a response even approaching the level of objectivity required to apply it accurately to someone else's situation?

plzzz?

^This

From experience being in law school and being in a relationship with my future spouse - different things work for different people. We did the long distance thing but granted we are only about two hours away. But because of his job we don't get as much time together. We are making it work but that doesn't mean it works for everyone to be in this type of relationship. I do have classmates and friends who have come very close to divorcing because their spouse couldn't handle them going through 1L and a classmate who did divorce. Now most of these people were top of the class.

Well, I think "if it doesn't work now, it will never work" is movie talk.

Ehh.. think what you will.. doesnt really bother me. I would also like to take the time to say from the friends I have in law school(~15 at various schools from tier 4 to T20 and of various class ranks) TLS vastly overstates the difficulty of law school. Even as 1Ls most of them all had pretty standard social lives, time to date etc. There were very specific short bursts of hard work but for the most part it was not much different from undergrad. 2 studied all the time(one in top 25% at a tier 4 and the other in top half of T20) but they were the types who studied a lot even in undergrad.

I am a little more chill and do have free time sometimes but there are periods of 1L year where you just want/need to lock yourself in a room for days. I know when my SO visits I tend to sacrifice school work to spend time with him.

Living with your SO during 1L can be done but both of you need to realize that some sacrifices will need to be made and even if you are pretty chill some times are going to be stressful. Good luck with it.

[romothesavior]

Nothing to add here, just wanted to say previous poster has a great tar and username.

[Fred_McGriff]

Nothing to add here, just wanted to say previous poster has a great tar and username.

Intercourse, coitus, the act of making love...

[Maude Lebowski]

Nothing to add here, just wanted to say previous poster has a great tar and username.

Thanks It took all of my brain power to think of it

[let/them/eat/cake]

So long as she's happy living where you are going to law school, do it! Look at it this way, if you and your SO can still tolerate eachother after Law school, you will know she's the one!

I don't know why people are saying long distance is the answer. While long distance could slightly help your GPA by increasing focus, it will become exponentially more likely that your relationship burns in flames. More temptation to cheat (because you aren't getting any), combined with much less interaction = disaster!

And at the end of your life, which will matter more? Your loved ones, or your GPA.

...my....GPA? wait, shit no, it's loved ones right? (shit, should i change my answer? no just got with your first instinct...)

[clintonius]

Nothing to add here, just wanted to say previous poster has a great tar and username.

Intercourse, coitus, the act of making love...

I was talking about my rug...

[romothesavior]

Nothing to add here, just wanted to say previous poster has a great tar and username.

Intercourse, coitus, the act of making love...

I was talking about my rug...

That is (at least) the second time in your TLS career that you have thrown in a timely Big Lebowski quote.

I like you.

[clintonius]

That is (at least) the second time in your TLS career that you have thrown in a timely Big Lebowski quote.

I like you.

Far out, man, far fucking out!

[kalvano]

Nothing to add here, just wanted to say previous poster has a great tar and username.

Intercourse, coitus, the act of making love...

I was talking about my rug...

That is (at least) the second time in your TLS career that you have thrown in a timely Big Lebowski quote.

I like you.

Romo, you're out of your element here.