1st Draft of Personal Statement - Comments/Suggestions Please Forum

[mmcguire]

Growing up with separated parents, weekends were something I always looked forward to. Weekends usually meant I got to see my dad, which was nice because I didn’t get to see him much, as lived with my Mom. As loving and supportive as my Mom was, seeing my Dad was always something I looked forward to because he often took me to an amusement park or ball game to make up for time we didn’t have together. As fun as going to my Dads was, I always felt bad and missed my mom during these times, always wishing she could be there to. Living with separated parents was tough at times, but I became accustomed to it over time. As I got older, I began playing sports, which caused me to look forward to weekends even more, because my Mom and Dad would be able to come see me play in whatever sport was in season. From football in the fall, to basketball in the winter, and baseball in summer, my games were times I would be able spend time with both of my parents at the same time. Sports became a way for to show both my parents something I was passionate about, and spend time with them together. However, the joy of being able to play in front of both of my parents was short lived.

When I was in fifth grade, the calls from my dad stopped. His typical spot along the fence of baseball games became vacant. Before I knew it, I was not going over to spend time with him on the weekends at all. This was the most confusing time of my life. I did not understand, at the time, what was happening. I have come to learn, my Dad remarried when I was in fifth grade and started a new family, one in which I was not wanted. Before long, all communication between and my Dad had stopped. He had moved on in his life, and apparently did not want to keep me in it. This left me emotionally confused and devasted. For the longest time, I thought it was my fault my dad and I stopped communicating. I felt as if I wasn’t good enough. As I moved through this confusing time of my life, my mom and sports were the two things that kept me going. Sports offered me something to dedicate myself to, and being able to make my mom proud through my athletic and academic achievements gave me a way to prove that I was good enough, something I had thought I failed at with my Dad.

I soon fell in love with the game of football. It gave me a release from the real world, allowing me to exert some of the emotional frustration from being cut off by my dad all while giving me a sense of achievement and success. At the end of high school, I chose to continue to play football at a small division three universities, despite being accepted as a student to bigger universities. When I made my decision, I knew it was because there was something about the game of football that I knew I would miss. However, I didn’t know what that ‘thing’ was until recently.

Being a first-generation college student, I did not know what I wanted to go to college for or what to expect out of college at all. I began working toward a major in business, as I felt it was a major I could do a lot with beyond undergraduate. In my business law class, however, I learned what about the game of football I loved, and opened my eyes pursuing law as a career. In that class, I became aware of how much I enjoyed competition. Competition was what I enjoyed most about football, and was why I couldn’t surpass playing the game in college. In that law class I saw how much I sought out competition, I learned how it bettered me as an athlete, person and student, and found out a career in law was something I wanted to pursue.

My law teacher often compared litigation to sports. The law was like the rules of a sport the lawyers were the players, the judge was the referee, the long hours of research put into litigation were the long hours of practice put into a game plan, and the litigation itself was the competition or game. That class opened my eyes to a career that was similar to football, something I had been obsessed with for fourteen years. Competition was something I have always wanted to surround myself with. It allowed me to prove to myself that I was good enough, regardless what my Dad thought. Competition betters everyone involved to be a better version of themselves, and is something I want to continue to immerse myself in when my time playing football is over. A career in law, gives me a chance to do just that.

[mmcguire]

Can anyone review and provide comments or suggestions?

[cavalier1138]

It's an ok theme. Or rather, it's two ok themes that you should probably pick between (or just cut most of the second paragraph).

But it's kind of a weird attempt at a "Why law?" statement, and I don't think it works. I get that you like competition, but there are a lot of competitive fields. If you want to make the statement about why you want a legal career, it should be more specific. But I'd really drop the whole "Why I like law" train of thought and bring things back to how the role of sports has evolved in your life (trying to keep parents together, to trying to please parents, to something more personal).

[thriller1122]

I don't have any issue with the sports metaphor, but like the previous poster said, it probably needs to be done differently. The issue with your parents struck me as odd for a couple reasons. First, it doesnt seem to have anything to do with your decision to go to law school. It is just kind of thrown in there. Logically, however, it is slightly more bizzare. You have this rough relationship with your parents > sports fixes that > law is like sports > you want law. That reads as "I want to go to law school to fix my relationship with myself/my parents." I know thats not what you're going for (I hope), but thats how I followed it.

Tbh, I think you are trying to do a little too much here. I think there is something to be said for "I played football > I loved the team/competition because X, Y, Z > I want to replicate that in my professional life > law is how I choose to do that. If you simplify your story I think you can write something pretty compelling.