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Anonymous User
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zot1
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Re: Semi-final draft - critique needed to polish!
Your last paragraph is not well connected to the rest of the story. Make it personal... "As I result of this experience I realized I had to do something... blah blah blah."
Despite fixing that, I felt you haven't given us a piece of why this is important about you. I can tell you've suffered, but what did that suffering do to you? How did it change you? How did you deal with it?
Despite fixing that, I felt you haven't given us a piece of why this is important about you. I can tell you've suffered, but what did that suffering do to you? How did it change you? How did you deal with it?
