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[Anonymous User]

Down.

[Mr. Archer]

Needs a total re-write. I get the cliche' basketball framework you went for, which is not that interesting, but it doesn't work with anything else in the PS. You just provide an almost stream-of-consciousness description of multiple parts of your life. There are also some strange comments that raise questions that go unanswered.

[galadriel3019]

This needs work. I agree with everything the above poster says. There's a little too much resume run down, with stray tangents about your father and brother that sort of end abruptly and are not returned to. I'd really focus on making this essay more about you, and creating a more consistent narrative.