Revamped Personal Statement. Feedback Appreciated! Forum

[rosepink]

Thank you to everyone that gave me feedback on my first thread! I took everything into consideration and I am personally much happier with this draft. Any feed back would be appreciated.

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[SlippinJimmy]

I didn't get a chance to read your first PS, but judging from the comments on that and what I read here, it seems like you put some serious thought and work into this one. I do have to question the length though. Just eyeballing it, it looks likes its at least 3 pages double-spaced, probably more.

[rosepink]

I didn't get a chance to read your first PS, but judging from the comments on that and what I read here, it seems like you put some serious thought and work into this one. I do have to question the length though. Just eyeballing it, it looks likes its at least 3 pages double-spaced, probably more.

Right now at size 11 Times Font it is 4 lines over 2 pages. I plan on editting it down and was hoping some feedback would help me on which areas could use some trimming. If you would like to see my first PS to compare I would be happy to message it to you.

[rosepink]

Bump!

[JazzyMac]

This essay is pretty solid. It starts off kind of weird, but there is a turning point that leads to a great essay.

Put (PASA) in parenthesis after the first time you've spelled it out. You have one too many adverbs (quickly, quietly, despairingly, photogenically, astoundingly....you get me).

Let me know if you have more questions.