Rough PS - Questionable Topic. Looking for input Forum

[Anonymous User]

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[KatCoco]

I think this is a really solid starting point w/r/t content and structure. A few small comments on details:

Perhaps add some more details about the shooting? Not gory type of details, but location, circumstances (who was the shooter?), year, etc. I just wanted to know a little bit more about it.

I would add more detail about the type of work you were doing in the technological field. E.g., "not something I was expecting to experience when I walked into my [brief description of job]."

I would cut this sentence in the third paragraph: "I have always been a problem solver."

These sentences are lacking clarity:
"I realized that my passion had not changed but my focus seemed so narrow."
"With precedents rather than patents, there lies the ability to change the world in the way a more innocent me had dreamed of."

Anyway, I definitely think it's worth moving forward with this topic (though of course it requires lots of editing as is).

[Alive97]

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[Anonymous User]

OP here. Thanks for the input everybody. After thinking about it further I think I will be scrapping this PS and going a different direction. Seems like too much risk if not executed well for too little reward.