PS ROUGH draft Forum

[Anonymous User]

Constructive criticism welcome, but please don't be MEAN. And I'm already aware that this is a more "risky" topic but I want to stick with it so please, don't just post and tell me to write about something else. There's two topics in this PS and they are intertwined but I am having difficulty figuring out how to express the YouTube stuff. I don't want to accidentally be brag-gy, so I didn't really talk about it much, but now I feel like it's not mentioned enough and seems like I threw it in there. Needless to say, I'm frustrated/stumped which is why I decided I'd just lob it to TLS and hope someone has some advice that'll make something click. There's two things I'm trying to drive home in this: how my depression has shaped me and helped me grow in a ~ positive ~ way, and driven me to become more expressive, resulting in me discovering my passion for helping others because of my YT channel and blog. Thanks all who help!


Nearly five years ago, I had my first, and only, emotional breakdown and it was the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me since my depression started about a decade ago. In that moment, I lost my identity. I lost who I was. Suddenly, I became a part of myself that was disturbed and angry and disgusted and ashamed. But, it was just a part. Since then, the rest of me has learned how to embrace the struggle and work through the nagging voice that sometimes presents itself to tell me that I am simply not good enough because I know that it’s wrong. That is the part of me that chose to use those same feelings of anguish to create a YouTube video addressing others in despair like me, a YouTube video that would eventually launch me into a social media spotlight that allowed me to not only vocalize my personal difficulties, but come to the realization that there is a lot of power in a voice – even mine.

Prior to that time, I expended my energy convincing myself that I was fine; I thought depression was embarrassing and perceived it as a sign of weakness, so I denied it. Eventually, I became so exhausted from putting on a show that life started to weigh down on me and I began rapidly descending until I hit bottom. That is when I began to really face my depression, and because I was never really a fan of venting to therapists, I chose to vent to the internet instead through a YouTube video titled “___,” not really expecting much of a response. But to my surprise, my video began to gain attention, and in turn, so did my social media sites. Suddenly, I was receiving messages from people thanking me for making the video, asking me for advice, or simply relying on me as an empathetic ear. Although I’d been thinking of being an attorney for years, it was through the popularity of my video that I truly realized how much I enjoy helping others, whether that’s by being a voice for them or providing them with words of hope and encouragement when they feel as though their world is crashing down.

Although I risk sounding cliché, I must say that learning to accept my depression in a way that does not make me feel ashamed, pathetic, or inferior is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding things I have done in years – even above graduating from college. By acknowledging my weakness, I gained an unparalleled amount of strength: the strength of knowing that it is okay not to be okay and beyond that, it is okay not to know why I am not okay. But most importantly, it is okay to let it be known. It is okay to be myself – my real self – because there are other people who experience similar situations, and by being myself, I am able to let others know that they are not alone.

I have learned to understand that my depression does not define me, but it is part of who I am, [and by being open about things, I have learned more about myself.] Not everything will amount to progression. Like everyone else, I will still fail; I will still falter. But, I feel confident; I feel comfortable; I am continuing to learn. I am learning how to become stronger than the resistance within me and how to gain control of the life that is rightfully mine. I am learning how to tame the beast that is my depression. I am so much more than what I am dealing with. I am stronger; I am better; I am present; and using my depression as a reminder of how far I have made it and inspiration to push myself to continue to progress so that I can continue to put my passion to help others to good use, I am ready to tackle the challenges I will face at [X Law School].

[cavalier1138]

So a few thoughts (in no particular order):

- This reads like a social media post in grammar and syntax. I'm probably more in favor of a casual tone for personal statements than most people on these boards, but I think this goes a little too far. Admissions offices expect you to do slightly more proofreading for your PS than you would for a Facebook post. Clean up your sentence structure and remember that you aren't addressing a group of friends. Your tone should show who you are to people who have never met you.

- Since I haven't guessed who you are from this piece, I'm assuming that this video only went viral in certain circles. And that's great. But you're right to be worried about it coming off as too much braggadocio. It seems like you spend way too much time talking about the video, and the problem for me is that it seems like there's a solid chance that your reader will have never even heard about this video before. You might want to scale back your language, or at least reference how many views it got (thousands, tens of thousands, etc.), because it currently reads like you became an overnight celebrity (and again, I'm just guessing that isn't the case).

- On a related note, I get a really good sense of why you want to be a therapist from this. The only thing in there indicating that you want to be an attorney is the brief mention of wanting to be an attorney. The rest of the "purpose" part of the essay reads like you want to be a social worker or therapist, and I get no sense of why you want a JD to help people. Incidentally, I'm not saying that a JD can't be about helping others; your statement just doesn't explain how you want to help others with yours.

- And I know you said you don't want to hear it, but I feel morally compelled to remind you that (as you already seem to know) this isn't a great choice of topic. Focusing on how you made a video that helped people? Great. Focusing on mental health problems? Not great. I get that you're continuing to work through this, and I completely understand that depression isn't something that goes away. I just think that highlighting this for an admissions office is not the best way to go. It could end up paying off if the right reader sees it as intensely vulnerable and risky, but it could also backfire and convince your reader that you aren't mentally prepared for law school. As it stands right now, the other issues I mentioned prevent me from thinking that this topic will work to your advantage.

[Alive97]

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[Anonymous User]

Thanks for feedback. I've decided since I feel so stuck I might try writing another PS on a different topic and see if it comes easier. Will probably try to get feedback on it eventually. Not necessarily scrapping this one, just trying to get some creative juices flowing somehow lol