I think this PS is genuine, but working to incorporate more law school Forum

[Dr.Degrees_Cr.Cash]

I have a few more lines of space and can obviously take some parts out, but I'm really trying to beef up my "why law" aspect of this PS. Also not super polished because I wanted to gauge response to the premise before I dove into too much proofreading and voice critique:


The second semester of my sophomore year at [School Redacted] began on a Plane to [Town Redacted] Spain with a life plan that I was convinced was concrete. Like many liberal young adults who grew up in the aftermath of the Financial Crisis, I believed that business was a necessary evil that could only function with the ever present oversight of a progressive Federal Government. This belief led to my conclusion at seventeen that I would attend [School Redacted] for a business degree, then on to law school, then I would commit my life to bringing these types of corporations to justice.

This motivation for idealistic justice and equality drove me through the first year and a half of my undergraduate career without issue. I excelled in my courses by compartmentalizing the hypothetical business practices being taught in my classes, and the true business practices I knew to exist in the real world. I may have been ready for the American teaching method, but I was woefully unprepared for the Spanish line of attack. Not only did business classes in Spain serve as a window to the perceived best practices of business in other cultures, but the Spanish professors also focused on providing a real world example of every lesson taught. We met with companies both large and small that focused on their workers, communities, and environments over short term profits. These ideals were of course also taught in my American classes, but it never resonated until that semester.

I returned to the United States reeling from this paradigm shift. The relative clarity of the realization begged the question; why had I spent so long oblivious to this way of thinking? I spent the next year searching myself for the answer while continuing to prepare for law school. I took the LSAT, researched the life of a law student and lawyer, and applied to schools with this fundamental question still burning inside of me. Near the end of my spring semester senior year I came to a conclusion. At seventeen years old I saw the mistakes corporate America made and became so afraid that if I went into corporate work I would always associate my work with those mistakes, and would never be able to take pride in what I did. It was for this reason that my goal in life was always diametrically opposed to corporate work. This realization cast significant doubt on my decision to attend law school. My research into the life of a lawyer and the legal thinking as taught in business law classes made me believe that I would enjoy and excel in the legal profession, but I needed to test that conclusion in fear that it was based on false premise. In April of 2016 I decided to test my beliefs and withdrew all pending applications to Law School to search for employment as an accountant after graduation in August.

The position at [Employment Redacted] was everything seventeen year-old me would have feared. Accounting for a large LLC in their corporate headquarters complete with cubicles, audits, and extensive Microsoft Excel. This was the perfect place to test my hypotheses. Thankfully, after one year in corporate America I have reached a conclusion on both issues. I have found ample opportunity to take pride in my work. I am proud to watch our young [Organization] interns grow in their time at [Company], to work for a company named the number [Top 5] green contractor in the country by Engineering News-Record, and perhaps most importantly, I am proud to know that strangers will rely on the financial statements my team created to make financial decisions about investments in [Company]. As proud as I am in my work, I am also now certain that my future lies in the law. In my continued research and interactions with the corporate legal team this past year I have confirmed my beliefs that I will be much more personally fulfilled working and studying law. In addition to all the aspects of legal study that interest me, I have also come to realize that many of the aspects of accounting I found interesting in study are also handled by legal teams in practice, specifically fact application as it pertains to revenue recognition and accounting regulation research.

The best choice I have ever made was the one to delay my entrance into law school. I am now prepared to begin my legal career with a better understanding of what that entails. Similarly, I now arrive with a more practical knowledge of business and corporate practices that can be utilized to offer more focused legal advice to any organization. Most importantly though, I will enter law school comfortable in my knowledge that no matter where my path travels these next few years, I will always be able to take pride in my legal work.

[galadriel3019]

I had a lot of trouble with this essay. I have read it over a few times and I am not sure I can put my finger exactly on it… I'll try. It does come off as a little preachy. The idea seems to be you were sure of yourself but a study abroad trip opened your eyes, so then you became a little less sure of yourself… But now you've worked for a year in a non-legal field, and now you're fairly confident you know exactly what to expect?

The above is the impression I get and I don't think it's the impression you want to make. I can't help but think you still don't have the answers, simply because there is still more out there to explore and learn (this isn't a personal knock, I'd be skeptical of anyone saying it). It begs the question how open to new ideas/challenges will you be in law school if you are so certain you know what to expect now? If a semester's study abroad was such a paradigm shift and totally changed your outlook, how are you going to handle things after a semester of law school? What if your current beliefs are shaken? Are you going to want to stop and take more time off to explore? I'm just trying to bring to light some of the negative thoughts that a person can get after reading this essay. It doesn't scream to me "i'm ready for law school".

Furthermore, I think this is a bit too much a reflection of your resume. I could learn about your study abroad and your role at your company through that document. This essay doesn't really tell me much about who you are outside that professional/academic setting. I'd encourage you to either brainstorm other topics, or take this essay in a slightly different direction.

I'm sorry to be such a downer. I think your idea of sharing a story of intellectual discovery and exploration could be a compelling one, but I'd encourage a re-work. Best of luck, and I hope what I'm writing only comes off as constructive criticism! You still have plenty of time!!!

[Dr.Degrees_Cr.Cash]

I think this is my strongest story, so I'm going to try to rework it.

If I spoke about realizing that my attraction to the law came from who I was (analytical, logic oriented, research minded) as opposed to what I believed, would that make it more effective? I could talk about how I think that no mater how my beliefs may change (and they will change) I think I'll always be drawn toward a study of the law.

Also I want to offer a personal discussion of how my resume bullet points changed me. I think my best ps is to talk about how I grew and all the places I grew will be in my resume in some way. If I made some of the discussion about my job and about my study abroad more personal would that be better to you?

[kgm1990]

I think this is my strongest story, so I'm going to try to rework it.

If I spoke about realizing that my attraction to the law came from who I was (analytical, logic oriented, research minded) as opposed to what I believed, would that make it more effective? I could talk about how I think that no mater how my beliefs may change (and they will change) I think I'll always be drawn toward a study of the law.

Also I want to offer a personal discussion of how my resume bullet points changed me. I think my best ps is to talk about how I grew and all the places I grew will be in my resume in some way. If I made some of the discussion about my job and about my study abroad more personal would that be better to you?

I agree with Galadriel (hehe, and I love the name btw) on the overall impression.

I think you can do both (believe versus logic). What you believe humanizes you (and gives context to those other characteristics) so that is absolutely essential to this story, since those other things can be learned. I also struggled to get through this PS. I'm not sure if it's the afternoon slump. I think most of the problems stem from the writing style.

For example:
-"This motivation for idealistic justice and equality drove me through the first year and a half of my undergraduate career without issue."

The sentence ends on a passive note. Instead try: "This motivation for idealistic justice and equality drove me through the first year and a half of my undergraduate career". It's an improvement because it doesn't drag the prose down.
Also, I have no idea what "This motivation for idealistic justice and equality" means in a very real-world sense. It's too abstract, and needs to have a real impact--especially as it carried you through an entire year of your undergraduate career. I bet if you just told a story, this issue would almost resolve itself.

You use too many words to convey relatively simply ideas.
Fore example:
-"In my continued research and interactions with the corporate legal team this past year I have confirmed my beliefs that I will be much more personally fulfilled working and studying law."
Through my continuing research and interactions with the corporate legal team, I confirmed my belief that law will be a personally fulfilling career.
^^It's just cleaner, while conveying the same thing (sort of, you do include "studying law", but I think that's implied and separates school/career unnecessarily).
Researching and interacting with the corporate legal team, I believe law will be a personally and intellectually fulfilling career.
^^simplicity and clear writing is so essential.

[Dr.Degrees_Cr.Cash]

Thanks, I'll keep some of the beliefs aspect but address the logic aspect.

I also plan to cut down some of the prose, thats usually a late stage edit, but I should probably do it now to open up more space to address the comments here

I'm just happy to have something that TLS thinks can become a strong PS

[kgm1990]

Thinking of it as cutting down on 'beliefs' is a bad idea. I want to know what you think, they just need to have clear examples.

Good! Proofreading is so important. You will be able to get a lot more constructive help on structure, narrative, strength of this or that topic, and impressions if you take care of proofreading before posting. I understand the desire to save time, but it just winds up being more time-consuming for you and potentially helpful peeps.

But really, I can't wait to see what you do with this statement. There's gold in them-thar'-hills... I know it!

[galadriel3019]

I think if you start showing through concrete example, more than telling us you are logic oriented, etc, that could help.

I think offering more personal insight into experiences that also happen to be on your resume would be a good idea. If you are set on including them, then at least show us why they were so important. I wanted to see more of how/why they make you who you are. It's about striking a better balance so it is more than just expanding on the bullet points already in your resume.

I think this is my strongest story, so I'm going to try to rework it.

If I spoke about realizing that my attraction to the law came from who I was (analytical, logic oriented, research minded) as opposed to what I believed, would that make it more effective? I could talk about how I think that no mater how my beliefs may change (and they will change) I think I'll always be drawn toward a study of the law.

Also I want to offer a personal discussion of how my resume bullet points changed me. I think my best ps is to talk about how I grew and all the places I grew will be in my resume in some way. If I made some of the discussion about my job and about my study abroad more personal would that be better to you?

[Dr.Degrees_Cr.Cash]

Thats about what I was imagining. I'll brainstorm areas to show some personal characteristics about myself, specifically areas that show logic and reasoning. I'll tie back at the end with some conclusion about how my beliefs drove what I want to do, but who I am drives me to law. There will be many paradigm shift in the next three years and beyond, but no matter what I believe or what I do, I want it to be in law. (I'll make the wording stronger just a first draft from mobile)

Would that sentiment make it stronger?