Personal Statement --- Risky PS Forum

[Anonymous User]

I was born to be a public defender. I didn't realize it until recently, but there's nothing I do better than defend things. And more than anything I like to defend people, myself included. As a young child, I was always in trouble. I wasn't malicious in conduct, but I was a boisterous child. When my parents would hear from the school I was attending they would always demand an explanation and they carefully considered the reasonable ones. This honed and evolved my ability to speak out in my defense.

You may wonder why my inclination is so strongly to be a public defender, with no inclination towards prosecution. This is because my childhood allowed me to empathize with individuals that need defending. While my parents were great in many aspects, they were very abusive towards me as a child. Whenever I got in trouble as a child I was beaten with various objects including, but not limited to: belts to wooden boards to tree branches. I witnessed my parents physically fight each other often and they were verbally abusive towards each other as well as myself. As an only child, I had no outlet for this environment either. I have fortunately had an intellect that has opened the door to opportunities academically that have exposed me to a higher level of conduct and mentality.

As traumatic as those experiences were, they gave me the strength needed to be a public defender. The final factor that lead me to this career choice is my desire to help others. I'm known among all my friends is the individual to go to if you're in need of anything. I've helped my friends with situations ranging from incestual rape to divorce to grieving the death of a loved one. However, this trait isn't restricted to those who I know and love. I'm comfortable reaching out to strangers from all walks of life, especially those that most avoid like the homeless or known ex-cons. Growing up in ________________ exposed me to all types of people and stories. I've met rich people, poor people, "cool" people, "outcasts", smart people and not so smart ones, those identifying with different genders and sexualities outside the norm, straight-edged folks and gang bangers. And I've also gotten a very personal view of how each lives and communicates. These experiences have given me the perspective necessary to empathize and understand the people I would be dealing with as a public defender.

I will admit that it took me a long time to decide to dedicate my life to public service. Initially when looking at law school during college, my desire was to attend a school that would put me in place to earn the most money. But my year off from school put many things in a better perspective for me. For the first time ever I was truly living on my own outside of a structured environment and had an extended period of time where my critical thinking abilities weren't being entirely consumed by schoolwork and I could focus on myself. Looking inward, I started really evaluating what I found myself truly happy doing. It was in this process that I realized that money isn't enough of a motivator for me. I'm passionate about law, helping those that society neglects and using my speaking ability. I have never been more sure of why I want to attend law school.


*Not edited or even proof read. Just a very rough draft to get some opinions on potential PS. If it sounds good then I'll move forward and actually start crafting a more cohesive and well written PS that encompasses this same idea and contents.


Thanks in advance for feedback.

[KatCoco]

Here's some of my thoughts:

"born to be" a public defender sounds a little cliche to me.

Not crazy about the first paragraph as a whole. Really weak/trivial compared to the material that follows, and ultimately doesn't seem relevant.

Omit some of the more graphic descriptions of abuse. W/r/t sensitive material like this, I've heard it's better to stick with basic facts.

You say: "I have fortunately had an intellect that has opened the door to opportunities..."
I think you could better frame your childhood experiences if you say that they made you stronger/hard-working/whatever and that helped you succeed academically, rather than just saying you were successful because you're smart. Link your struggles more explicitly to your success.

Third paragraph might benefit from specific anecdote(s) rather than just listing these things you say you've experienced/encountered.

Fourth paragraph: I would try to get rid of some of the less-flattering things here. Don't focus on the negatives so much--going to law school just for money, etc. You can talk about your intellectual/personal growth without stating this so explicitly.
I dislike this phrase: "where my critical thinking abilities weren't being entirely consumed by schoolwork." Might give an impression that you're not able to handle heavy workloads, which will be far worse in law school than undergrad.

Finally, you say that you're passionate about law but I see no evidence of this in your essay. As everyone says, "show, don't tell." Have you had legal experience? If so weave that into your narrative of finding a passion for the law. Additionally, say something else about what sparked your interest in law specifically. Ideally this would be something related to your childhood struggles. This will build a much more cohesive narrative.

Overall, with work and the right approach, I think this can be a compelling PS topic. But, you need to ensure that you show yourself overcoming your challenges and how those challenges influenced your path towards law school, instead of just saying things to earn pity points (I don't think you're doing this, I'm just saying be wary of giving the adcomms this impression).

I have a similar narrative structure in my PS (childhood struggles/abuse --> interest in law) so feel free to ask for further advice if you need it on future drafts. Hope this was helpful.

[galadriel3019]

I agree with the poster above, and just want to add that seems like a bit short for a personal statement… Reading this felt like an absolute whirlwind, like you were in a rush to get to another section of your application. I understand you put this together as a very rough draft, but I would encourage you to also think about slowing down the pace of this essay and possibly adding depth to some of your points. It seems like you'd have the space to do so.

[kgm1990]

It's not great. But I'm really getting bogged down by the prose/grammar. I would like to be more help when you put at least some effort into proofreading.