Urgent, please help with diversity statement

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LaDawn

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Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by LaDawn » Wed Mar 02, 2016 11:19 pm

Unjust Behavior from a Lack of Diversity


As an eight year old girl, I thought my family was rich. My parents owned the first African-American travel agency in Mississippi and were doing modestly well until they decided to get a divorce. Then, life became emotionally and financially challenging. Although money was limited, my parents made sure to continue to expose us different things. When I left private school and transitioned to a predominately African-American elementary school, I was told that I “talked like a white girl” and “thought I was better than everyone else”. As an adult, I realized that my peers’ lack of exposure to different experiences and people caused my not being accepted, and I endured being bullied until my sophomore year of high school. It was then that I was accepted to an Academic and Performing Arts program-a school that had multiple ethnicities, with African-American and Caucasian students being the majority. I no longer experienced the rejection from my peers. Instead, I was treated unfairly by some of my superiors.

I had been a cheerleader since I was in the seventh grade. Although my new school’s population contained different ethnicities, the cheerleading squad was completely Caucasian. When I attempted to audition for the squad at my new school, I was prohibited due to bad character reference forms. My parents immediately investigated this claim because I had congenial relationships with my teachers. After several months of my father meeting with my teachers and the principal, it was determined that my teachers did not give me unfavorable marks on my character forms. The principal wrote me a letter apologizing for these unfair actions and stated that I could audition for the squad the next year. The following year, I auditioned but was not surprised when I did not make the squad.

As demonstrated in these two situations, a lack of diversity hinders social growth and impartiality. Mississippi’s culture is lawfully integrated, but my beloved state is still socially segregated. When I moved to New York and California, I discovered the beauty of a melting pot of cultures. Everyone seemed driven and accepting of each other. It was in these environments that I started my own entertainment company, earned my Master of Art’s degree in Education, and obtained a real estate certification. There was no glass ceiling, and I could accomplish anything.

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fliptrip

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by fliptrip » Thu Mar 03, 2016 12:21 pm

What kind of help are you looking for? You're well on your way. All you need to do to finish is connect your personal experience with the power of diversity to the meaningful ways in which you will contribute to the diversity of the law school you attend.

Also, you have some passive voice in the second paragraph that you should eliminate and when I read Caucasian it seems excessively formal and pretty awkward. Just call them white. We all know what a white person is.

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cbbinnyc

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by cbbinnyc » Thu Mar 03, 2016 12:35 pm

Yeah, this is a pretty good statement in general. As fliptrip mentioned, some awkward wording. For example: "As an adult, I realized that my peers’ lack of exposure to different experiences and people caused my not being accepted ..." should become, "As an adult, I realized that my peers likely did not accept me because they had limited exposure to different experiences and people ..." or something similar.

To expand on fliptrip's comments, you probably want to rewrite the last paragraph. It's a little pat right now (though CA and NY might be more socially accepting of diverse populations than Mississippi, saying that "everyone" seemed accepting and that there was no glass ceiling and you could do anything is probably an overstatement) and doesn't make the connection to law school.

Also agree on the white vs. Caucasian comment.

LaDawn

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by LaDawn » Thu Mar 03, 2016 12:46 pm

Thank you cbbinnyc and fliptrip. I agree with this. Making the corrections.

osgiliath

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by osgiliath » Fri Mar 04, 2016 10:49 am

one thing I would change is this: "My parents owned the first African-American travel agency in Mississippi"

to something like this: "My parents were the first African-American owners of a travel agency in Mississippi"

Aka what is an "african-american travel agency"?

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LaDawn

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by LaDawn » Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:08 pm

Thank you! I made that change also.

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Clearly

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by Clearly » Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:12 pm

Uh if this is urgent because you're applying now, don't do that.

Big Red

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by Big Red » Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:30 pm

Clearly wrote:Uh if this is urgent because you're applying now, don't do that.
Came here to say this - DO NOT SEND YOUR FIRST APPLICATIONS IN MARCH

LaDawn

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by LaDawn » Fri Mar 11, 2016 8:07 pm

Hi you all,

I sent the applications in February (by the deadline) but have been in communication with the school to send updated materials. Please explain why you stated not to do that? Some applications are not due yet.

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Clearly

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by Clearly » Sat Mar 12, 2016 6:06 am

LaDawn wrote:Hi you all,

I sent the applications in February (by the deadline) but have been in communication with the school to send updated materials. Please explain why you stated not to do that? Some applications are not due yet.
You should really reapply in September. You're going to have a much worse cycle applying that late. Schools do rolling admissions, by February nearly all seats are full and nearly all money is spent. Trust me, I applied in February and did pretty well, but reapplied in September with the exact same numbers and essays and did much better.

LaDawn

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Re: Urgent, please help with diversity statement

Post by LaDawn » Mon Mar 14, 2016 5:23 pm

Got it! Thank you....

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