My brain hurts, please help Forum

[Achaudhri_]

Deadlines are approaching, I may have to wait another year to apply to law school because I took the February LSAT and if I am not happy with my score, I am going to take it again in June or October. For now however, I am trying to finish everything else application wise. I have my LORS, transcripts, and all of my applications are almost done with some minor things to complete.

I have been trying to write my statement for a very VERY long time I changed my topic numerous times. I feel like this is my final topic and I really like it. Then again, It could be complete gibberish. So please help me. I have been trying so hard to get this down, please try to be nice because my head hurts from all this stress ANY feedback is appreciated very much.

By the way, this is still a draft. I just wrote this a couple hours ago. I definitely need to work on the ending more, I just got tired and rushed. I need to work on it all actually. But thank you again for any feedback. Even if it is one word I appreciate it lol.

Had I not immigrated to the United States at the age of ten, my life would be quite different. Being a twenty-two year old in ******, my parents would be arranging my marriage at this point in time. They would be in search of a “good” husband for me. Good meaning that he should be semi-attractive, not short, funny, and kind. You know, all the characteristics one may look for in a partner. All these things don’t matter much at the end of the day however. These preferences go out the window; because the main thing is that he should be able to provide for me. He should have a well-paying job, because he needs to support me. He needs to take care of me for the rest of our lives after all. So as long as he can provide for me, take care of me, and support me financially, he will be a “good” husband.

If I still lived in ****** I would not be applying to law school or writing my personal statement at this very moment. I would more likely be picking out matching shoes to go with one of my several different wedding gowns. While I was taking my LSAT here, I would be engaged with planning my wedding in ******. I could be trying out different makeup looks for the big day this time, or deciding on what kind of kebabs should be served at the ceremony. These things would be my biggest concerns, not law school. Would I be happy? Well, I wouldn’t know anything else to be. I would be too busy planning the huge wedding, which is supposed to be the most and only important thing in my life. I would not be pondering on my happiness, because I would not have anything else to do, or anywhere else to be.

Whatever happens after the wedding is a gamble. Depending on if it goes good or bad, I have to be ready to deal with any consequences. Just like I would not have much of a say in picking my own husband, I would not have much of a say in staying with this husband. Women in ****** do not get to dictate their own lives. Their destiny is chosen for them. They are not able to fight for their rights fairly either. One of my cousins residing in ****** is married to a man who is both physically and mentally abusive to her. It is unfortunate, but she can not do much about it. She tried to put up a fight several times, but sadly her voice was unheard. Women do not have much authority in my native country. Another one of my cousins resides in America, and after her husband put his hands on her, she took charge and he was deported back to my home country. She was able to put up a fight, and she succeeded.

When women are not able to make their own life choices, it leaves them without a voice on other matters else as well. Their opinions are not taken seriously, and they have to live with this. The unfair treatment of women is not only common in my native country, but many other countries around the world. Even in the United States, many women are physically, mentally, and emotionally abused on a daily basis. They get their voices taken away as well, but the difference is that they are more able to put up a fight against this abuse. This is another reason why I admire the legal system in America. I want to pursue law because my experiences living in ****** motivated me to fight for women all around the world. By moving to America I was able to take charge of my own destiny, something that women are not able to do in third world countries. I could be in ****** busy deciding if I really like my new husband after we get married at this moment, but instead I am here writing this statement in hopes that I get the opportunity to attend law school and set an example for women all around the world. Maybe after I am done, then I can go search for my “good” husband. The only difference is that this time it will be my choice, just like everything else in my life, thanks to having the opportunity to live in America.

[CharlesS]

Some thoughts:
1. It seems you focus too much on describing the undesirable life of women in your native country--in other words, not your own experience. If you lived there, that would have been your life, but you do not live there, so that virtually tells nothing about you.
2. You lived in your native country until only 10, so you probably should not say things like "I want to pursue law because my experiences living in ****** motivated me to fight for women all around the world." That seems hard to imagine.
3. At the end, the sentence about setting an example for third world women seems awkward. Aren't most American women who are in charge of their own lives "examples" by your standard? How does that help the unfortunate women in other countries? Also I don't know why you want to write so much about husband in the last paragraph.That makes it seem like the motif of your PS is about marriage--women should have the right to search for their husbands when they want to.

[tsujimoto74]

I don't think you talk about yourself/your experiences directly enough. The musings about what your life might be like if you were still in your home country, imo, is taking up too much space. If I were sitting on an adcomm, I'd want to read more about things you have experienced and less about things you might have experienced in an alternate reality. Eg: How did moving to a new country/culture feel as a 10-year-old? Was adapting easy/hard? What was your family's motivation for doing the move? How do you think immigrating has changed your perspective about your home country (if at all)? If you want to keep the arranged marriage/women in home country v here narrative, maybe you could do a side-by-side comparison of your development/life in the US vs a female relative's in your home country, compare the quantity/quality of opportunities you've each had as far as education, career, etc.

This is your chance to let the admissions committee get to know and like you. Write about yourself.

[kaiser]

The idea itself of using the experience of women in country X as your reasoning for wanting to go to law school is a fine premise. THe problem was in the execution. The biggest issue was that you spent so much time focusing on what women in X experience, that we learn next to nothing about you. This PS is hardly about you at all.

Think of a PS like a tree. It has many branches and features, but at the center is a trunk that holds the whole thing together. If your PS were a tree, YOU need to be the trunk, with any stories, anecdotes, experiences, goals, etc. tied back toward you. You told us much about what life is like in country X. But thats not your life or your experiences.

Again, the idea could absolutely work. You just need to present in a way that is better suited to a PS that will be read in about 2 min.

[Alive97]

It seems to be a good topic but I agree with the others it should say more about you. The thing is that you're talking about other people's experiences in other countries, which may make it hard to say a lot about yourself using this topic. But maybe you could make the focus your own passion for fighting for women's rights, maybe mentioning something you have done in this area (and your cousin's situation does provide a personal connection to your native country practices).