Please look at my statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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appleheadg

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Please look at my statement

Post by appleheadg » Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:05 pm

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Last edited by appleheadg on Wed May 04, 2016 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mynameismyname

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Re: Please look at my statement

Post by mynameismyname » Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:29 pm

I like it. Well written and flows well.

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lymenheimer

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Re: Please look at my statement

Post by lymenheimer » Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:12 am

I don't like it. You should reevaluate how you write this and how you want to actually represent the profession that you are trying to enter (hint: don't demean either side of it, regardless of what your book projects). You tell too much. You have a bunch of unnecessary information. It's too stream-of-thought. You can use elements of this and go a more traditional approach. I would advise to do so. Not that adcomms won't enjoy reading it. But risky is easier to get it wrong and hurt you than help.

holymolyoly

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Re: Please look at my statement

Post by holymolyoly » Thu Feb 25, 2016 12:20 pm

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appleheadg

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Re: Please look at my statement

Post by appleheadg » Thu Feb 25, 2016 3:40 pm

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LeahNicole

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Re: Please look at my statement

Post by LeahNicole » Thu Feb 25, 2016 7:44 pm

Reading this was awkward because it has unnecessary information that makes it wordy, yet at the same time most of the sentences are short and choppy. The amount of short sentences ruins the flow of your writing. I think the concept of a non-traditional essay is great and can show a lot of personality that will make your application stand out, however, the execution of such an essay has to be damn near perfect. This piece simply seems too unpolished to pull it off.

appleheadg

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Re: Please look at my statement

Post by appleheadg » Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:10 pm

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appleheadg

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Re: Please look at my statement

Post by appleheadg » Wed May 04, 2016 8:39 pm

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