Diversity Statement ! Help Needed ASAP Forum

[Anonymous User]

thanks

[seashell.economy]

I like this. It is clear and concise and conveys several obstacles you have faced.

I would rewrite these two bits: "Among his many accomplishments, my father failed at being a father" and "During my lifetime I have allowed these experiences to shape me"

Maybe something like: "But one thing he did not accomplish was being a father" and "These experiences have shaped my life..."

Or something like that. I just think the phrasing you have in those two sentences is a bit awkward...play around with it a bit and find something that fits.

[Nolachicken]

sorry, double post

[Nolachicken]

Do you have someone who can proof it for grammatical errors? It seems like you have some minor errors. Or print it out and read it forwards and backwards and look up the rules on commas and independent/dependent clauses. I wouldn't use and after the -- just put the clause with no joiner

[Anonymous User]

Do you have someone who can proof it for grammatical errors? It seems like you have some minor errors. Or print it out and read it forwards and backwards and look up the rules on commas and independent/dependent clauses. I wouldn't use and after the -- just put the clause with no joiner

Yes, I wanted to make sure that my content for the essay was solid first. I will correct it for grammar tonight Hoping to send off tomorrow.