The 'Roughess PS draft you will ever read. Forum

[jeremydc]

I've been working on a few different PS drafts over the past month. After a large coffee at a café, I typed this draft out. It's rough, needs work, and direction but I feel there is something here.

Looking for advice on the direction I'm going here. There is still plenty of time (all year) to get this molded into a decent PS if it's worth it.







“With languages, you can move from one social situation to another. With languages, you are at home anywhere.” ― Edmund de Waal. A self-titled Wanderlust, I credit my initial incomprehensibility of a second language with the ability to adapt.

As the lingua franca, native English teachers may feel learning an L2 is unnecessary. There are a multitude of reasons Americans become ESL teachers abroad; paying off debt, a gap year, resume filler, and a weakened economy most echoed among foreign friends. Admittedly, my gap year abroad transitions into an ESL career.

Eyes cautiously situated on the caged lion on the verge of escape. For many, the first foreigner they encounter. Reliving the nervousness, I suggest a game. Word Association to activate their schema. “When I say a word, shout out the first English word that comes to mind.” The onlookers listen. “America!” Almost unanimously words like free, open-minded, and independent are blurted out. It’s their turn. Spirited in the moment, a student exclaims “Language!”

My Korean language acquisition consist of textbooks. Lacking in real world application, gathering dust the remainder of my stay. Cashiers, Korean co-workers, my land lord, and whoever else willing to converse welcomes my broken Korean. Simple requests advance to basic conversations. Leaving in the spring of 2015, I come back in the summer to attend a class. The airport shuttle consuming conversations of dinner arrangements, summer plans, and a wedding proposal ending in a whole passenger applause.

Consideration of dialects, in a pictographic nature, identifying between simplified /traditional characters, and a complex writing system with strict tonal rules contribute to my acquisition of Mandarin. Constant interactions assure distinctions; chicken from beef, hospital from university, and left from right. Mispronunciations add to an evolving learning experience. For example; (Mā) high, (Má) -rising, (Mǎ) -falling rising, (Mà) -falling. Each tone conveying a different meaning. With minimal exposure, I may call someone’s mother (Mā), a horse (Mǎ). Daily interactions in Mandarin highlighting my time in China.

At the end of the semester, students tasked to answer a question in a 3 minute speech. ‘Why do you learn a second language?’ An overwhelming majority express similar fallacies. Warranted biases based upon ‘opportunity’. Their perceptions idealizing end results. Doors previously closed, now creak open.

Learning an L2 (or L3 for that matter) is a choice. A choice promoting enculturation. Experiences unhinged of cultural barriers. My time abroad enamored with encounters building to self-actualization. Basic communicative competence enhancing experiences. Situations possible only through exchange of language and culture. Assimilation substituting fluency.

Founded on fairness - we must allow access to education - a 14th Amendment right. English as the mode of instruction. Nonnative speakers living in America who desire to acquire, face ever-changing obstacles. Incomprehensibility of a native language hinders immersion. By supplementing legislation like the DREAM Act, I intend to promote inclusion for opportunists striving to feel ‘at home’ in America.

[jeremydc]

The aim of the statement:
Incomprehensibility hinders immersion. Highlighting how assimilation (learning the native language) in Korea and China substituted initial fluency. I am trying to show America must continue to build upon current ESL educational policies. Otherwise, legal and illegal (too sensitive to mention) immigrants will be systematically victimized (too strong?)

[abcdefg1234567]

The aim of the statement:
Incomprehensibility hinders immersion. Highlighting how assimilation (learning the native language) in Korea and China substituted initial fluency. I am trying to show America must continue to build upon current ESL educational policies. Otherwise, legal and illegal (too sensitive to mention) immigrants will be systematically victimized (too strong?)

Initial impressions:
1. Hard to read. Your ideas are sometimes disjunct and often incomplete. On a larger scale, the essay doesn't seem to flow naturally from one paragraph to the end.
2. Not a very strong argument. If it's the importance of ESL in the U.S. You are concerned with, tell us why, and tell us why it is a problem that is so important to you.
3. It's a nice topic, but doesn't say anything about why you would make a good lawyer.
Just my opinion. Best of luck.

[jeremydc]

The aim of the statement:
Incomprehensibility hinders immersion. Highlighting how assimilation (learning the native language) in Korea and China substituted initial fluency. I am trying to show America must continue to build upon current ESL educational policies. Otherwise, legal and illegal (too sensitive to mention) immigrants will be systematically victimized (too strong?)

Initial impressions:
1. Hard to read. Your ideas are sometimes disjunct and often incomplete. On a larger scale, the essay doesn't seem to flow naturally from one paragraph to the end.
2. Not a very strong argument. If it's the importance of ESL in the U.S. You are concerned with, tell us why, and tell us why it is a problem that is so important to you.
3. It's a nice topic, but doesn't say anything about why you would make a good lawyer.
Just my opinion. Best of luck.

Thanks man! Yeah, it was a quick PS thought moment. I'll sit down and clarify your concerns in the next draft. Appreciate the response.