Personal Statement Advice! Forum
-
cgiuffre
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2016 8:49 pm
Personal Statement Advice!
This letter is specifically written for USC, Gould School of Law. However, it is the statement I plan to use for all schools. USC has a 2-4 page requirement, with the option to include Why USC, which is why I bring that up towards the end. Not necessarily interested in wording tune-ups, but more so to see whether or not my PS is what schools are looking for and would be interested in. Any and all advice is appreciated! Thanks in advance!
Last edited by cgiuffre on Wed Jan 20, 2016 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
Alive97
- Posts: 350
- Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:26 pm
Re: Personal Statement Advice!
You might consider making things a bit more focused and streamlined around the core points. For example going from this:
Through my perseverance and experiences, I have strengthened those values my father and I shared, and developed the skills that I am confident would make me a successful student at the University of Southern California.
To this:
This is what attracts me to the field of law, making a positive change and difference in the lives of others.
And in between, discussing the core "evidence":
- scholarship motivated you to live up to potential, while instilling in you the need to give back to others
- low GPA and problems were overcome
- Volunteer and leadership positions
As it stands, it seems a bit like you go back and forth with these different ideas in successive sentences, also inserting tangential points in the mix, which leaves room for more organisation. For example consider whether this sequence of sentences jumps around between different ideas:
It is through my undergraduate experience that I have been motivated to study law and specifically apply to the Gould School of Law. Throughout my life, time and time again, I have been reminded the true meaning of being selfless, thinking less about yourself and more about others. It is all of the individuals that have reached out to me throughout my life that motivates me each and every single day; from my small community in wake of losing my father, all the way to the trustees of the NCSF. This is what attracts me to the field of law, making a positive change and difference in the lives of others. Furthermore, the intellectual nature of working with the law and working alongside driven and talented individuals to solve a problem has attracted me to the legal field. I have always been a leader in any organization I have been apart of throughout my life, and I firmly believe that USC Law has the resources available to allow me to further reach my full potential. I bring myself back to visiting my relatives as a young boy and attending Trojan football games...
Also consider whether the "change the world" reason for going to law school is cliche or too broad, and whether the very last line about working hard is really a distinguishing factor.
Through my perseverance and experiences, I have strengthened those values my father and I shared, and developed the skills that I am confident would make me a successful student at the University of Southern California.
To this:
This is what attracts me to the field of law, making a positive change and difference in the lives of others.
And in between, discussing the core "evidence":
- scholarship motivated you to live up to potential, while instilling in you the need to give back to others
- low GPA and problems were overcome
- Volunteer and leadership positions
As it stands, it seems a bit like you go back and forth with these different ideas in successive sentences, also inserting tangential points in the mix, which leaves room for more organisation. For example consider whether this sequence of sentences jumps around between different ideas:
It is through my undergraduate experience that I have been motivated to study law and specifically apply to the Gould School of Law. Throughout my life, time and time again, I have been reminded the true meaning of being selfless, thinking less about yourself and more about others. It is all of the individuals that have reached out to me throughout my life that motivates me each and every single day; from my small community in wake of losing my father, all the way to the trustees of the NCSF. This is what attracts me to the field of law, making a positive change and difference in the lives of others. Furthermore, the intellectual nature of working with the law and working alongside driven and talented individuals to solve a problem has attracted me to the legal field. I have always been a leader in any organization I have been apart of throughout my life, and I firmly believe that USC Law has the resources available to allow me to further reach my full potential. I bring myself back to visiting my relatives as a young boy and attending Trojan football games...
Also consider whether the "change the world" reason for going to law school is cliche or too broad, and whether the very last line about working hard is really a distinguishing factor.
