250 Forum

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[Alive97]

I am not sure what the prompt for this is, but it seems like it could say more about you. You are talking about a general topic, with only a brief mention of something you have done, and that mention is not specific. Assuming the prompt is leading you to talk more about yourself, I would add a specific example of you changing yourself, and not use up too many words talking about how all people can change.

You might also want to avoid statements that are too broad and sweeping, such as talking about the progress of humanity.

I think I would also replace the words shall and ameliorate with more common words.

[panli19]

I assume this is for Yale 250.

I think the tone is a bit condescending and the topic a bit too broad. I would refrain from any statement about people and life in general and choose something more specific.

[tirakon]

Thoughts? Opinions? Grammatical changes? Thank you for your time.

Our ability to change stems from the humility to seek and accept new truths. A constant battle between the Id and the Ego takes place, what we currently believe versus a new or opposing thought or viewpoint. A battle that in ancient times was thought to be so imperative that it was declared a crime not to partake in. In modern times, a struggle that many people shun from. Without reflection, without consideration, a person’s growth stalls; for the unaware, a predicament that lasts a lifetime. When questioned those people respond viscerally, asserting that their preconceived personal truth must in fact be true! Sometime later their fists unclench, their jaw loosens, and their stance weakens. Finally, they have internally acknowledged their error - at least the judicious ones do. It is at that moment that knowledge can translate into a person’s character. Shall they shun the truth, refusing to acknowledge their mistake? Or, shall they honestly come forward?

The great ones choose the latter. The reformation of old ideas in place of new ones depends on having humility. Astounding . . . the very progress of humanity depends on a single value.

Luckily, I have recently discovered the value of pausing for reflection. From that reflection, the genesis of new ideas takes place in my attempt to uncover every truth, an impossible task. Even so, I move forward optimistically for the future not because of my far from perfect past but because of my willingness to ameliorate from it.

I'm a YLS student.

I'd scrap this entirely. Sorry. It's pretentious and moralizing. Even worse, it reads like you typed this with a giant thesaurus sitting next to your computer.

You're better off telling some kind of story than trying to philosophize. Let your grades, LSAT, and recommendations tell Asha how smart you are; use the 250 as an opportunity to humanize yourself.

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[jrc223]

defensive op is defensive

in addition to other issues already pointed out, i would say it's boring. i agree with the others that you should pick a different topic

[EnderWiggin]

Lol you post your Y-specific essay on the internet and get feedback from an actual current YLS student but then take issue with the feedback and try to justify why you wrote what you did

If you only wanted everyone to tell you Yes It Is Awesome just go ahead and submit and be done with it

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[Alive97]

My personal take is that it's not condescending - just true with regard to people resisting change. It's your Genuine opinion, too; don't shy away from it. People on here may tend to gang up on an OP reacting in a foreseeable manner to their internet-boldness criticism.

I see now why the topic isn't entirely personal, though I personally would still recommend using some more common words and saying at least a little bit more about you being one of the people now realising the benefit of change.

[green.tea]

You write very well, but I'm not a fan of your 250. In my opinion it's too broad and comes across like a humble brag, ie you're now one of the humble, judicious, 'great ones' seeking new truths. Your essay also tells rather than shows. I'd be more interested in learning what prompted your recent discovery of the value of reflection. I actually liked the other 250 recently posted, about golfing in a small town, more than yours. It told a story that gave me actual insight into the applicant that I don't get from your essay.

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[panli19]

I assume this is for Yale 250.

I think the tone is a bit condescending and the topic a bit too broad. I would refrain from any statement about people and life in general and choose something more specific.

Thank you for your response, I appreciate the feedback. I have a few questions for you.

1) Can you elaborate more on how you interpreted it as condescending? I guess from my perspective, the below is about everyone, myself included, and how we handle our mistakes and really how humility is necessary for progress because without it there would be no reason to really learn anything new- For example, you already know everything so why even go to law school. Think of someone with the preconceived notion the earth was flat, if everyone just agreed and believed that, well we would still believe in an erroneous idea.
I then go on to make the argument that without reflection or consideration, i.e. humility, someones growth stalls kind of as a worst case scenario, which I don't think should cause offense but more should be a cause for thought. If you go on about your life thinking you know everything and are unable/ unwilling to take in new ideas, then you will be essentially one of those people which I actually specifically reference that LUCKILY I have RECENTLY discovered the value of reflection. In other words, I was one of those people!! There is nothing in there below that says oh THATS YOU and you are stupid or anything like that. So I guess I don't see how it could be taken as condescending so I am really interested in hearing back from you. Thanks again.
2) As far as not writing about people and life in general, are you just saying that is your personal opinion or did you get that from Yale that perhaps I made a mistake and missed? As far as I know the essay prompt is as follows:

YLS requires one 250-word essay on a subject of your choice. Faculty readers look to this essay to get a glimpse of your character, intellectual passions, analytical abilities, and writing skills. The choice of topic -- a personal anecdote or interest, an academic subject, or a current event -- can itself be illuminating.

Thanks again for your thoughts.

Everything I say is my personal opinion. But I would recommend you listen to the YLS student's response, given that he/she has some sort of authority on this.

I'm not saying you are a condescending or bad person. All I'm saying is that the choice of topic makes you seem condescending. And it's not even your particular choice of topic. Any person making sweeping statements about life sounds condescending.

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[hdunlop]

Your reaction to the notion you change is fantastic irony

Great if trolling
Sublime if real

[t-14orbust]

retake

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Your reaction to the notion you change is fantastic irony

Great if trolling
Sublime if real

That would be applicable here except for the fact I agreed with one of the two major points of contention- I needed to work on the verbiage and was therefore going to have to continue to work on it.

I am not going to change the subject of my 250 based on unqualified criticism that some people felt the tone was condescending when I have stated multiple times that I could see this interpretation out of context and that it misses my entire point and my original intent.

If you have something of substance to add to make it less condescending and more grateful in your view I'm all eyes.

[t-14orbust]

srs: are you really on a quest to uncover every truth

[asdfdfdfadfas]

srs: are you really on a quest to uncover every truth

Yeah i got it from the drunk red haired dwarf at the local tavern.

[scone]

Your reaction to the notion you change is fantastic irony

Great if trolling
Sublime if real

That would be applicable here except for the fact I agreed with one of the two major points of contention- I needed to work on the verbiage and was therefore going to have to continue to work on it.

I am not going to change the subject of my 250 based on unqualified criticism that some people felt the tone was condescending when I have stated multiple times that I could see this interpretation out of context and that it misses my entire point and my original intent.

If you have something of substance to add to make it less condescending and more grateful in your view I'm all eyes.

Just fyi, often the 250 is the first thing that is read in your app, so it will be read out of context. (& out of context, you really don't come across well.) Also, how on earth is an adcomm going to deduce your 'intention' except from the text as it is...

I'm sure you have something original and insightful you could use instead. Currently all you seem to be saying is 'people need to be open to changing their opinions for the sake of the progress of humanity. Most people don't like to change their opinions. The great ones do change their opinions. I change my opinions.' From which one can conclude logically that you think that you are one of the 'great ones'. There is no context that will make this work, or make it seem insightful (mainly because it isn't - sorry). I mean, why do you think changing opinions is necessary for the progress of humanity? Why, in fact, do you think the progress of society depends solely on this 'single value'? (For that matter, is it a value or a principle?) If you can provide an original response to these questions, then maybe it will be a worthwhile 250.

Also, scrap 'ameliorate'. I'm not sure if it's even grammatically correct in that context. It makes you sound like a Dalek: "I - WILL - AMELIORATE!"

Finally, there are lots of grammatical errors. After 'growth stalls' there is a semicolon, and after the semicolon you write "for the unaware, a predicament that lasts a lifetime". The clause after a semicolon must be a sentence in its own right - e.g. "for the unaware, this is a predicament that lasts a lifetime". Also, unless the Id actually is 'what we currently believe', say 'between what we currently believe and...'. Next, I don't think people 'shun from' something - just 'shun' it. In your second paragraph, you write "The reformation of old ideas in place of new ones..." - by this do you mean that it takes humility to reform old ideas in the place that new ideas had held, i.e. to replace your new ideas with reformed old ones? I hope not. Maybe try 'The formation of new ideas in place of old ones depends on having humility.' One last conceptual point: if you recognise that attempting to uncover every truth is an impossible task, and you think you are pursuing it, then how an earth can you be optimistic about your future? You're bound to fail.

Best of luck with your application - but please do recognise the irony of writing a 250 about recognising the need to change one's beliefs in humility when questioned, then refusing point blank to accept people's honest and well-supported feedback and criticisms!

[panli19]

Your reaction to the notion you change is fantastic irony

Great if trolling
Sublime if real

That would be applicable here except for the fact I agreed with one of the two major points of contention- I needed to work on the verbiage and was therefore going to have to continue to work on it.

I am not going to change the subject of my 250 based on unqualified criticism that some people felt the tone was condescending when I have stated multiple times that I could see this interpretation out of context and that it misses my entire point and my original intent.

If you have something of substance to add to make it less condescending and more grateful in your view I'm all eyes.

Just fyi, often the 250 is the first thing that is read in your app, so it will be read out of context. (& out of context, you really don't come across well.) Also, how on earth is an adcomm going to deduce your 'intention' except from the text as it is...

I'm sure you have something original and insightful you could use instead. Currently all you seem to be saying is 'people need to be open to changing their opinions for the sake of the progress of humanity. Most people don't like to change their opinions. The great ones do change their opinions. I change my opinions.' From which one can conclude logically that you think that you are one of the 'great ones'. There is no context that will make this work, or make it seem insightful (mainly because it isn't - sorry). I mean, why do you think changing opinions is necessary for the progress of humanity? Why, in fact, do you think the progress of society depends solely on this 'single value'? (For that matter, is it a value or a principle?) If you can provide an original response to these questions, then maybe it will be a worthwhile 250.

Also, scrap 'ameliorate'. I'm not sure if it's even grammatically correct in that context. It makes you sound like a Dalek: "I - WILL - AMELIORATE!"

Finally, there are lots of grammatical errors. After 'growth stalls' there is a semicolon, and after the semicolon you write "for the unaware, a predicament that lasts a lifetime". The clause after a semicolon must be a sentence in its own right - e.g. "for the unaware, this is a predicament that lasts a lifetime". Also, unless the Id actually is 'what we currently believe', say 'between what we currently believe and...'. Next, I don't think people 'shun from' something - just 'shun' it. In your second paragraph, you write "The reformation of old ideas in place of new ones..." - by this do you mean that it takes humility to reform old ideas in the place that new ideas had held, i.e. to replace your new ideas with reformed old ones? I hope not. Maybe try 'The formation of new ideas in place of old ones depends on having humility.' One last conceptual point: if you recognise that attempting to uncover every truth is an impossible task, and you think you are pursuing it, then how an earth can you be optimistic about your future? You're bound to fail.

Best of luck with your application - but please do recognise the irony of writing a 250 about recognising the need to change one's beliefs in humility when questioned, then refusing point blank to accept people's honest and well-supported feedback and criticisms!

thumb up for the Doctor Who reference

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Thank you for your response Scone. Below are my responses notated by -:
Just fyi, often the 250 is the first thing that is read in your app, so it will be read out of context. (& out of context, you really don't come across well.) Also, how on earth is an adcomm going to deduce your 'intention' except from the text as it is..

-I did not know that so that is good to know. In regards to how they would deduce my intention would be by me making some changes to my current 250 and reading my 250 in the context of my entire application. This is my first draft, which is why I reached out to TLS to see their general thoughts.

I'm sure you have something original and insightful you could use instead. Currently all you seem to be saying is 'people need to be open to changing their opinions for the sake of the progress of humanity. Most people don't like to change their opinions. The great ones do change their opinions. I change my opinions.' From which one can conclude logically that you think that you are one of the 'great ones'. There is no context that will make this work, or make it seem insightful (mainly because it isn't - sorry). I mean, why do you think changing opinions is necessary for the progress of humanity? Why, in fact, do you think the progress of society depends solely on this 'single value'? (For that matter, is it a value or a principle?) If you can provide an original response to these questions, then maybe it will be a worthwhile 250.

- I never said most, I said many. There is a big difference between the two. One insinuates > 50% the other the quantity is based on interpretation.
- Your inference that I now think of myself as a “great one” is untrue, that is why I included luckily I just recently found the value in reflection. So I am not saying I am great because of my new found humility rather that I have the opportunity to be great because of my new found humility. I need to make that more apparent to the reader.
- Humility is a value that ties my entire application together, not only from my personal mistakes but also the mistakes of others. If people, especially leaders, don’t have the humility to acknowledge their mistakes then they will never admit they could possibly be wrong no matter how intelligent they are. If people would never have admitted their errors in the past we would still be stuck in the gilded age- women wouldn’t have the ability to vote let alone equal rights in the workplace, people on a grand scale would still be enslaved, we’d be using witchcraft to solve our medical problems, the earth would still be thought of as flat, etc. etc. In my opinion, it took humility for humanity to look at that and say we were wrong. Just like it takes humility to destroy an old belief that you believed was true and embrace a new one.


If Also, scrap 'ameliorate'. I'm not sure if it's even grammatically correct in that context. It makes you sound like a Dalek: "I - WILL - AMELIORATE!"

- According to the dictionary ameliorate simply means to make or become better, more bearable, or more satisfactory; to improve. So I believe it does work here, even if it isn’t conventional. With that being said, I agree with you, I don’t like the word choice especially given how the last paragraph flows. I went through grow, cultivate (which made me think of a farm), and then ameliorate. It is one of the changes I am trying to figure out how to currently address.

Finally, there are lots of grammatical errors. After 'growth stalls' there is a semicolon, and after the semicolon you write "for the unaware, a predicament that lasts a lifetime". The clause after a semicolon must be a sentence in its own right - e.g. "for the unaware, this is a predicament that lasts a lifetime".

- You are right, since a predicament that lasts a lifetime is clearly referencing the prior independent clause it would be a dependent clause. So I believe two commas would be appropriate here. Please correct me if I am wrong.


Also, unless the Id actually is 'what we currently believe', say 'between what we currently believe and...'.
- The ID is simply someone’s basic instinct whereas the ego is the organized realistic part of the brain that critically thinks, at least according to Freud.


Next, I don't think people 'shun from' something - just 'shun' it.
- People can certainly shun from something. The definition of shun is to simply avoid.

In your second paragraph, you write "The reformation of old ideas in place of new ones..." - by this do you mean that it takes humility to reform old ideas in the place that new ideas had held, i.e. to replace your new ideas with reformed old ones? I hope not. Maybe try 'The formation of new ideas in place of old ones depends on having humility.'

-You are right here, I mean to reform old ideas in conjunction with accepting new ones. Conjunction isn’t the optimal word, I will have to find a better way to word the above.


One last conceptual point: if you recognize that attempting to uncover every truth is an impossible task, and you think you are pursuing it, then how an earth can you be optimistic about your future? You're bound to fail.

- Because I am willing to accept new truths, the entire point of my 250! Of course I am going to fail, that is the point. Everyone is going to fail at “uncovering every truth” and most people are going to fail at any other extremely lofty goal they have, but that doesn’t mean you don’t strive for it. I am optimistic because of my willingness to try which is actually a metaphor for my entire application- you are in fact applying to Yale here, the odds are slim.


Best of luck with your application - but please do recognize the irony of writing a 250 about recognizing the need to change one's beliefs in humility when questioned, then refusing point blank to accept people's honest and well-supported feedback and criticisms![/quote]


- There is a difference between criticism for the sake of criticism and offering genuine advice which is further elaborated on. Your response was the type I was genuinely looking for so thank you.

Concluding thoughts: I think you are probably right that this doesn’t cater to the admission’s committee nor does it provide anything that perhaps a lot of people don’t already know. It also isn’t an uplifting 250, appealing to emotions, or offering a quaint humorous expression. I am not interested in focusing on the trivial at the expense of the important. I think my 250 is true albeit an uncomfortable truth. If it wasn’t true people wouldn’t have cared enough to respond and if people didn’t think that it applied to them they wouldn’t have been so emotionally affected by it. I think that is what gives it its importance, especially given the context of the times we live in, and the fact that it ties every other piece of my application together. Are we to simply run from the truth in favor of good feelings, the superficial, and what makes us feel comfortable? I think not.

Thanks to all those who responded whether you were opposed or enjoyed it. I appreciated the feedback.

[EnderWiggin]

Thanks to all those who responded whether you were opposed or enjoyed it. I appreciated the feedback.

Please check back in here later this spring once you've received a decision