Final edits for PS... (God-willing) Forum

[LawSchoolHopeful77]

[deleted]

[TheRealSantaClaus]

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[LawSchoolHopeful77]

[deleted]

[iamapipersson]

LOLOLOLOLOL

[Emma.]

Don't submit this.

[LawSchoolHopeful77]

[deleted]

[LawSchoolHopeful77]

[deleted]

[cheesy143]

So I guess my first concern would be how you describe the mechanics. This might just be my opinion but it seemed a little belittling of them. I don't think that was your intention at all but when you described how surprised you were that they kept showing up to work or about the"hardships" they faced I think it could come off the wrong way. I mean obviously its hard work but it's not like they're dying in a third world. They have a good job and a lot of them make good money and are happy so I would try to tweak the wording a little.

[LawSchoolHopeful77]

[deleted]

[cheesy143]

So I guess my first concern would be how you describe the mechanics. This might just be my opinion but it seemed a little belittling of them. I don't think that was your intention at all but when you described how surprised you were that they kept showing up to work or about the"hardships" they faced I think it could come off the wrong way. I mean obviously its hard work but it's not like they're dying in a third world. They have a good job and a lot of them make good money and are happy so I would try to tweak the wording a little.

Definitely see what you mean. Was trying to walk a fine line on that description and I guess it still needs some work. For sure do not want to make it seem that way. Everything else look okay?

Yea it's a hard line to walk. I know what you meant. A lot of my family members are mechanics and they are all very hard workers. Maybe talk about learning from their work ethic more than their hardships and your point would come across better.

Other than that I think just read it out loud and hear where it sounds awkward and fine tune it. If you had a specific story to back up your points that might beef it up too

[iamapipersson]

So I guess my first concern would be how you describe the mechanics. This might just be my opinion but it seemed a little belittling of them. I don't think that was your intention at all but when you described how surprised you were that they kept showing up to work or about the"hardships" they faced I think it could come off the wrong way. I mean obviously its hard work but it's not like they're dying in a third world. They have a good job and a lot of them make good money and are happy so I would try to tweak the wording a little.

Definitely see what you mean. Was trying to walk a fine line on that description and I guess it still needs some work. For sure do not want to make it seem that way. Everything else look okay?

Rewrite it completely.