Very rough draft. Help! Forum

[Unfathomableruckus]

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[hangingtree]

You have portrayed yourself perfectly. Go back and edit (a lot) to make it flow better--like you said--but anyone who reads this as it is now knows you will be an excellent lawyer and a wonderful contribution to whatever school you end up going to. You don't sound like an asshole in the slightest, you come off as delightful, inspiring, and well-rounded.

I particularly love the bit about "owning up to your past self." I also come from a dark place, which impacted my early development and my freshman year, and I really couldn't have put my feelings about it any other way. I guess I could have gotten into HYS or received a bigger scholarship. Or would I have? And it wouldn't have even mattered. I got dream outcomes at my school and have loved the ride from the beginning. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Anyway

Definitely touch this up. It's ramble-y and not formal and structured enough. It reads like you transcribed a recording of yourself. But do not change your general tone and really any of the substance. And include the addendum for all schools, either as a DS or the why part-time (or whatever) essay. You are a fantastic candidate for any school and more material will make them like you more.

Best wishes on your LSAT score and the application cycle!

[Unfathomableruckus]

You have portrayed yourself perfectly. Go back and edit (a lot) to make it flow better--like you said--but anyone who reads this as it is now knows you will be an excellent lawyer and a wonderful contribution to whatever school you end up going to. You don't sound like an asshole in the slightest, you come off as delightful, inspiring, and well-rounded.

I particularly love the bit about "owning up to your past self." I also come from a dark place, which impacted my early development and my freshman year, and I really couldn't have put my feelings about it any other way. I guess I could have gotten into HYS or received a bigger scholarship. Or would I have? And it wouldn't have even mattered. I got dream outcomes at my school and have loved the ride from the beginning. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Anyway

Definitely touch this up. It's ramble-y and not formal and structured enough. It reads like you transcribed a recording of yourself. But do not change your general tone and really any of the substance. And include the addendum for all schools, either as a DS or the why part-time (or whatever) essay. You are a fantastic candidate for any school and more material will make them like you more.

Best wishes on your LSAT score and the application cycle!

I really appreciate that feedback. I am glad that I seem to be on the right track as far as tone and content, and I will definitely be polishing the essay a lot from turn in now up until I turn in my applications (waiting on December LSAT result). I suppose I was worried about seeming unstable, and even thinking that such disclosure might impact moral character determination later on. It's really encouraging to see that I can tell my whole truth and still potentially be accepted. Thank you for taking the time to give me your opinion. I feel more confident around building my essay around this draft now, as opposed to starting fresh.

[hangingtree]

I really appreciate that feedback. I am glad that I seem to be on the right track as far as tone and content, and I will definitely be polishing the essay a lot from turn in now up until I turn in my applications (waiting on December LSAT result). I suppose I was worried about seeming unstable, and even thinking that such disclosure might impact moral character determination later on. It's really encouraging to see that I can tell my whole truth and still potentially be accepted. Thank you for taking the time to give me your opinion. I feel more confident around building my essay around this draft now, as opposed to starting fresh.

Really happy to help. Since we come from sort of similar backgrounds though, I may not be as critical as I should. I hope others will chime in as well.