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Mrs Featherbottom · Post by **Mrs Featherbottom** » Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:40 pm

As far as tone and style, you're good, but it's hard to tell where you're going with this yet (although you hint at it in the last sentence). I'd imagine the next portion of the essay will be reflecting on the experience and what you learned from it, which will be the important part.

I like your phrasing and your pacing by the way. I would just make sure you have a strong takeaway from the experience before committing to this topic, since the work itself won't impress anyone.

Kclol · Post by **Kclol** » Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:52 pm

Thank you for the reply and criticism. I am currently working in a workers compensation office. So im thinking about finding a way to jump into that during my reflecting portion and then wrapping up with why i want to attend whichever school i want to attend. Just want to make sure im getting the scope right and that i havent narrowed it too much while telling my story.

Mrs Featherbottom · Post by **Mrs Featherbottom** » Mon Nov 16, 2015 7:31 pm

Kclol wrote:Thank you for the reply and criticism. I am currently working in a workers compensation office. So im thinking about finding a way to jump into that during my reflecting portion and then wrapping up with why i want to attend whichever school i want to attend. Just want to make sure im getting the scope right and that i havent narrowed it too much while telling my story.

Yeah I think that'd be a great transition then, especially if you can talk about any work injuries or bad conditions that those you worked with experienced. Sounds like you're on the right track.

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