Please review my PS draft Forum

[pantherlaw24]

Thanks for taking the time to review this draft of my personal statement. Feel free to be as brutally honest as you can.

If context matters to you: GPA-3.5/LSAT-167

Statement:

I never considered becoming a lawyer. I always knew exactly what I was going to do. I loved finance. In fifth grade I bought my first investing book. Every day after high school I came home and watched CNBC. Jim Cramer was my hero, not Alan Dershowitz. I had my entire life planned out. I was going to work on Wall Street. That was, of course, until I took my first calculus class.

Immediately after the test was over I found my professor in her office. She told me to go to disability services and get myself tested. There was nothing else she could do for me. I looked down at my score, and somehow it still said the same thing. Forty percent. By the time I made it back to my dorm I couldn’t breathe. My face was covered in a mixture of sweat and tears. I had never had trouble in math class; I was good at math and that was going to make me successful in finance. Or so I thought. I could feel the plans for the rest of my life crumble in front of me. My identity was gone.

After I finally calmed down, I knew I had to call my mom. She would know that the professor made a mistake. She knew that I have never gotten a grade this poor. Honestly, however, I knew it was not my professor’s fault, I just couldn’t bear the thought. That would mean it was my fault. Of course, my mom quickly dispelled these notions. It was not the end of the world. Before earning a doctorate degree from an Ivy League university, she was the first person from her family to graduate from high school. I knew this, and it was inspiring. However, she then confided that she graduated near the bottom ten percent of her undergraduate class. The grades that she received on tests were not what defined her. Rather, through hard work she was able to distinguish herself.

This realization inspired me to change my attitude. It was time to dig deep and pass this class. I spent more time in the library, completing extra practice problems. But more work only got me so far. I hid my calculus struggles from my friends. The class was a first year requirement, and everyone else seemed to be excelling. This was the most mortified I had ever been. Though the extra work was helping, I still needed help. My school offered math tutoring. I could not think of anything less demeaning. Until I actually went. After making sure none of my friends knew I was there, I noticed something. A few of my friends were actually also there seeing tutors themselves. They were facing the exact same challenge that I was facing, but they were doing well because they were getting help. My anxiety disappeared. I saw tutors often. I created a study group. I worked harder than I ever had previously in school. I finished the class with a B, and I’m proud of this grade because I earned it.

My experience with calculus also effected the life I had planned for myself. I had to ask myself why I liked finance in the first place. I reexamined the books about Wall Street that I loved and the topics discussed on CNBC that excited me. I realized that math was never part of the equation. I liked mergers and acquisitions. I liked the stories of companies surviving bankruptcy only to come back stronger. I didn’t like what a financier did; I liked what a lawyer did. It took a math class for me to realize that I actually always wanted to be a lawyer.

Who would have thought that my biggest failure would be my biggest influence? I was able to refocus myself. I used my major to take classes that underscored my newly understood legal interest. I was fortunate enough to complete three internships that exposed me to corporate and real estate law. I was so deeply impacted by the help that I received from tutors that I was inspired to become one myself. I can only hope that I had the same effect on someone else that my tutors had on me. I watch CNBC with the same enthusiasm, and I continue to read about finance. I am just lucky enough to have learned why.

[zinnzinn]

I think you must have a lot better material for a personal statement than failing a single test. I would dig into your internships and see if there is anything you can draw from those experiences. As it stands, I don't think this one paints the best portrait of you. I worry that the AdComs will wonder if you have a lot of depth since you say that your biggest failure was a single test score. This one reads as fairly shallow and a little bit bratty at times. It's your personal statement though, so if you feel like this is the truest version of what you want to tell law schools, ignore my advice.

[benwyatt]

I think you need to find a new direction to take this PS because I don't think it paints you in a particularly flattering light. In general, what I learned from you in this PS is that you aren't great at introspection. The main themes of your essay focus on your failures: first your failure to properly estimate your math skills and then your failure to understand why you were interested in the stories you saw on CNBC.

A personal statement is an opportunity to convince law schools that you are a good candidate and this one doesn't accomplish that.

My usual advice to people is this: look at the rest of your application components and think about what it is you wish the admissions committees could know about you that isn't already captured in those other components, then write about that.

Good luck!

[sox49]

Explain why you want to go to law school and why you should. I'm not sure where struggling at calculus gets you. This experience seems important to you but that doesn't mean it is a good topic.

Maybe start with a specific challenge or incident that defined your internships, or grabbed you and made you think about law school. Then go explain how you went from struggling at calculus to those internships (that should be like a paragraph, there is no need for the detail you get into). Then go and explain how this experience and your experience in the internships had informed your opinions about law and going to law school and how this prepares you to excel as a student and a lawyer. Your ps should be an argument for why you should go to law school. Don't just talk about yourself, make them understand why you want to go and why you should be there

[pantherlaw24]

I think you must have a lot better material for a personal statement than failing a single test. I would dig into your internships and see if there is anything you can draw from those experiences. As it stands, I don't think this one paints the best portrait of you. I worry that the AdComs will wonder if you have a lot of depth since you say that your biggest failure was a single test score. This one reads as fairly shallow and a little bit bratty at times. It's your personal statement though, so if you feel like this is the truest version of what you want to tell law schools, ignore my advice.

Thanks for the advice. Could you be more specific as to where it sounds shallow and bratty? As I go back to the drawing board, I want to avoid making the same mistakes

[Theresa87]

The part about turning to your mom at the first sign of trouble in the class isn't something I would include. Many of us have done the same thing, including myself, but it's not something you should advertise

[zinnzinn]

Of course! And I don't mean to say that you are those things, just that I am sure that you have better experiences about which you can write. The main thing that gave me that sense was your description of going to tutoring. I understand that it was a humbling experience for you, but saying it was mortifying and something you had to hide from your friends might give the reader a sense that you are immature. It also kind of gives me the sense that you thought you were superior to everyone who needed tutoring, which I am sure isn't what you intended the effect to be. The other thing I would be wary of is saying that failing a single test was your biggest failure because I think it speaks to a lack of experience in life.

But more generally I agree with the other posters that this statement could do a much better job of why you want to go to law school and why you will excel when there.

[zinnzinn]

https://www.law.yale.edu/admissions/jd- ... lly-part-i

^^^ a more articulate version of my thoughts