Deleted Forum

[Anonymous User]

Felicia'd

[PeterGibbons90]

This is an interesting story but is more suitable for a college admission essay. I would not apply to law school with a story from high school. What has happened to you since then?

[totesTheGoat]

I think the story can be used, but I would agree with PeterGibbons90 that this has a college admissions essay vibe to it.

Your intro paragraph doesn't tell me why I should care. Find a way to build in some of the results (the blog, the community involvement, etc) into the intro paragraph. Otherwise, I'm thinking this PS is pointless before even starting the second paragraph. BTW, calling growing up a "grim reality" seems really overdramatic.

The second paragraph is what grabbed my interest back. Ok, this isn't just 10 kids from down the street, you have actually created something. I think you can yank out some of the specifics (page views, etc) and some of the hedging ("what may seem childish now", etc.) and add some more detail about the effort you put into the blog and the management of the league.

I think you have some good stuff in the 3rd and 4th paragraphs, but they should be refocused on you instead of the league and the community. After the second paragraph, make sure that everything is advertising the lessons you learned about taking a chance and how working hard at a passion produces results. Then, transition to how that same lesson has created a work ethic that you will use in law school.

[Alive97]

Yes I would say if you're discussing a HS topic for the PS, then build in some mention or argument as to why going all the way back to HS is a valid topic for you.