I'm ready to apply already! Final draft help please! Forum

[Anonymous User]

Deleted.

[CanadianWolf]

This is written in the style used by many for a first or second draft. Too many details, too few significant insights. Much more like an essay on a college application than one for an advanced degree at a professional school.

Consider deleting the final paragraph.

OP: You should post your first version--which was excellent & clever in a subtle fashion--alongside this disaster & seek opinions.


After reading your first version, my opinion of you was very different than after reading this version.

[Anonymous User]

This is written in the style used by many for a first or second draft. Too many details, too few significant insights. Much more like an essay on a college application than one for an advanced degree at a professional school.

Consider deleting the final paragraph.

OP: You should post your first version--which was excellent & clever in a subtle fashion--alongside this disaster & seek opinions.


After reading your first version, my opinion of you was very different than after reading this version. (With respect to maturity & intellgence.)

Could you point out where I give too much detail please? It's just so many conflicting views on what should be in a ps and what should not. I like my original better too (it's really short though). I think the third paragraph can be gathered from my story. However, I have had suggestions to hit it directly on the head and to point out it's relation to why I want to practice law.

[CanadianWolf]

I'll be brief, please do not submit this writing as your law school personal statement. Either use your first version which reflected the level of intelligence (& maturity) often found in Yale 250s, or pick a new topic.

[CanadianWolf]

Your first version could, and should, be used as a diversity statement. Consider picking a new topic for your law school PS.

[Anonymous User]

Your first version could, and should, be used as a diversity statement. Consider picking a new topic for your law school PS.

Thanks for your help!!! I have a diversity statement, so I am just going to stick with this topic.