thanks guys Forum

[Anonymous User]

.

[CanadianWolf]

Don't delete a single word.

[Anonymous User]

Don't delete a single word.

[LSATclincher]

If you need to cut, I'd take out the domestic violence stuff. Whatever edits you decide to make to it will be correct. Seems like you have a good grasp on what you want to convene and some great stories to tell.

[Anonymous User]

If you need to cut, I'd take out the domestic violence stuff. Whatever edits you decide to make to it will be correct. Seems like you have a good grasp on what you want to convene and some great stories to tell.

I see. But due to the fact it was the catalyst for my decision to pursue law, is it possible that cutting that out may hurt my overall message?

[AReasonableMan]

."

I think it's superbly written, and follows a linear and logical line such that your reader will forgive you for disregarding the page limit.

[LSATclincher]

If you need to cut, I'd take out the domestic violence stuff. Whatever edits you decide to make to it will be correct. Seems like you have a good grasp on what you want to convene and some great stories to tell.

I see. But due to the fact it was the catalyst for my decision to pursue law, is it possible that cutting that out may hurt my overall message?

I think the medical stuff is better. It's a great overall statement, but DO NOT go over the page/word limit. If you have to cut, I'd rather cut the domestic stuff.

[Anonymous User]

If you need to cut, I'd take out the domestic violence stuff. Whatever edits you decide to make to it will be correct. Seems like you have a good grasp on what you want to convene and some great stories to tell.

I see. But due to the fact it was the catalyst for my decision to pursue law, is it possible that cutting that out may hurt my overall message?

I think the medical stuff is better. It's a great overall statement, but DO NOT go over the page/word limit. If you have to cut, I'd rather cut the domestic stuff.

Cut it out entirely, or just the bulk of it?

[Anonymous User]

Actually, "trimmed" would be putting it rather mildly. It actually needs to be cut down by about half, as it is approximately twice as long as the limit allows. The issue I'm having is that I have had many experiences and periods of personal growth that I feel are very relevant in describing who I am today, what has inspired me to pursue law, etc.

As cliche as it sounds, I essentially just sat down and "wrote from the heart" until I didn't have much else to write. So, along with the much needed trim down, I need to polish my "transitions" from different time periods/topics, and I need a well-rounded conclusion.

Thank you in advance to those who offer advice, critique, etc.

"

I think it's superbly written, and follows a linear and logical line such that your reader will forgive you for disregarding the page limit.

Wow, thank you.

[AReasonableMan]

deleted as per request

[LSATclincher]

If you need to cut, I'd take out the domestic violence stuff. Whatever edits you decide to make to it will be correct. Seems like you have a good grasp on what you want to convene and some great stories to tell.

I see. But due to the fact it was the catalyst for my decision to pursue law, is it possible that cutting that out may hurt my overall message?

I think the medical stuff is better. It's a great overall statement, but DO NOT go over the page/word limit. If you have to cut, I'd rather cut the domestic stuff.

Cut it out entirely, or just the bulk of it?

If you need to cut, i'd rather cut that than the early stuff. Honestly, I'm the wrong person to speak on the domestic violence stuff. You might want to ask a few female attorneys. I think it's a risky/touchy subject. You're early stuff is going to be more compelling than most PS's so that's all you may need to really focus on.

[Anonymous User]

If you need to cut, I'd take out the domestic violence stuff. Whatever edits you decide to make to it will be correct. Seems like you have a good grasp on what you want to convene and some great stories to tell.

I see. But due to the fact it was the catalyst for my decision to pursue law, is it possible that cutting that out may hurt my overall message?

I think the medical stuff is better. It's a great overall statement, but DO NOT go over the page/word limit. If you have to cut, I'd rather cut the domestic stuff.

Cut it out entirely, or just the bulk of it?

If you need to cut, i'd rather cut that than the early stuff. Honestly, I'm the wrong person to speak on the domestic violence stuff. You might want to ask a few female attorneys. I think it's a risky/touchy subject. You're early stuff is going to be more compelling than most PS's so that's all you may need to really focus on.

Thank you. I called the school with the 700 word limit, and the woman I spoke to expressed that the admissions committee could take the fact I broke the rules into account...so I think I should cut the meat of that part out and just leave the bare bones.

[Anonymous User]

Actually, "trimmed" would be putting it rather mildly. It actually needs to be cut down by about half, as it is approximately twice as long as the limit allows. The issue I'm having is that I have had many experiences and periods of personal growth that I feel are very relevant in describing who I am today, what has inspired me to pursue law, etc.


Wow, thank you.

I think you can end it here:

Through my difficult experience, I have become deeply committed to one day being someone with the necessary influence and knowledge to help others in a similar way.

You don't need the cliff notes of your resume, and that stuff isn't as vivid or as personal.

I'd also change "through my difficult experience" to "Through my life experience, I have..." to wrap it up better, and show what it reads like you're trying to show - you've been wronged many times, and want to help others in a similar position instead of pigeonholing yourself into domestic violence pro bono.

Good points...thank you.

[Anonymous User]

Don't delete a single word.

I PM'd you. I have no choice but to shorten it a bit, and I have seen you give wonderful advice to others in the past. Would love some input from you if you have the time.

[cbbinnyc]

I don't agree that you shouldn't delete a single word, but this is a very strong PS so you need to cut judiciously. If you have somebody do a detailed edit, you can probably cut 50-100 words. There are definitely superfluous words and phrases here and there.

Depending on the application, you could use an excerpt of this for the PS and put the rest of it into an addendum. Most schools will be happy to accept an additional statement, even one that is not a "Why X" or DS statement.

ETA: Unless the school has an explicit word/page limit, going over 2 pages will be fine, given the strength of this statement.

[cheesy143]

I would keep the DV stuff I think it's powerful and shows where you gained am interest in law. I would get rid of the last bit about the student housing club you were in in university. It didn't seem connected to the rest of your statement and seems like something you can just put in your resume.

[CanadianWolf]

I cannot edit now. Just finished a lengthy hearing. Loved your work. Sincere & moving. Tomorrow.

[lawdawg18]

I deleted my original post because I was looking at the join date and thought this was an old post....I need sleep, clearly, lol. I had a similar issue. My statement was over two pages and I was too attached to everything to let any of it go. At the suggestion of a friend who had a good experience, I worked with an editor on Fivver and was surprised with the results. She edited my statement down to a page and it ended up concisely reflecting exactly what I was trying to communicate. I dont remember her username but I think her tagline is something like the Personal Statement Jedi. That might be helpful.

[Anonymous User]

I deleted my original post because I was looking at the join date and thought this was an old post....I need sleep, clearly, lol. I had a similar issue. My statement was over two pages and I was too attached to everything to let any of it go. At the suggestion of a friend who had a good experience, I worked with an editor on Fivver and was surprised with the results. She edited my statement down to a page and it ended up concisely reflecting exactly what I was trying to communicate. I dont remember her username but I think her tagline is something like the Personal Statement Jedi. That might be helpful.

Does she charge anything for her services?

[Anonymous User]

Actually, "trimmed" would be putting it rather mildly. It actually needs to be cut down by about half, as it is approximately twice as long as the limit allows. The issue I'm having is that I have had many experiences and periods of personal growth that I feel are very relevant in describing who I am today, what has inspired me to pursue law, etc.

As cliche as it sounds, I essentially just sat down and "wrote from the heart" until I didn't have much else to write. So, along with the much needed trim down, I need to polish my "transitions" from different time periods/topics, and I need a well-rounded conclusion.

Thank you in advance to those who offer advice, critique, etc.

violence."

I think it's superbly written, and follows a linear and logical line such that your reader will forgive you for disregarding the page limit.

Hey, AReasonableMan...thank you for all of your insight.
Can you please edit the two responses where you quoted my full PS? Thank you ^_^