Advice on PS - Video Games / IP Forum

[LazyPaladin]

The roughest first draft I'm willing to put out here. Do your worst.

The lights slowly dim around me, the ambient noise cancels abruptly as my headset is adjusted, my sole focus on the twenty-three inches of plastic and crystal display in front of me. Center stage yet again. My hands begin to drift across a mechanical keyboard with the dexterity of a pianist and the precision of a surgeon, the sound of the switches firing is all that resonates from the periphery. Now is all that matters, and with that thought, the gates open. Every keystroke, every ability, the commands, the tactical maneuvers, they all erupt into a crescendo, and in a fleeting moment, the blue crystals float to the forefront of my screen. “Victory!”

Video games have always been an integral part of my life; they served as the crux for bonding with family and friends, the medium for seeking out communities and meeting new people. They were the canvas for my expressions, on which I could showcase my individuality, my creativity and analysis, my leadership and strategy. Games serve as tools that connect people and ideas, they build communities and inspire creativity – and they showed me how to combine an unlikely set of passions into a potential future.

My senior year of college consisted of an internship at one of the largest law firms in Pennsylvania, managing the finances of three different on campus organizations, heading the upperclassman apartment complex with one hundred fifty students, competing in varsity athletics, taking classes and, to top it off, writing a senior thesis. The culmination of four years in the honors program, the capstone, my quite literal fifteen minutes of fame during an honors week presentation in front of my colleagues, professors and other esteemed guests. I took the stage, sleeves slightly rolled up, adjusting my signature pink tie, I beamed with pride as I announced the title of my work; “Copyright in the Digital Age: The Importance of Transformative Use in Video Game Streaming”. In a field of honors students who wrote on all topics from aluminum conversions, gene sequences, the importance of a limited power for the executive branch and even increasing funding to libraries to spur communal growth, I was talking about the future of video games on equal grounds.

At the conclusion of my presentation, I had already anticipated the first question: “why?”. Specifically, “why is this important?” As if on cue, I picked a hand from the audience and smirked as the question came out. Although my thesis addressed the issue of importance in the context of the industry I evaluated, the question stems from a certain lack of understanding about video game culture in society. When we hear about an issue that affects a niche, a small group, it may elicit some sympathy from others, but unless it enters the mainstream, the gravity of the situation is not fully comprehended and those affected can suffer greatly. The loss of an idea is truly a tragedy, to have the very essence of a creation torn asunder and in the wake of it all to have someone else pass it off as their own can be devastating to individuals and companies alike. The point is not simply playing the game, and while it had been my focus, it had grown beyond that. It was about the players, the personalities, the communities and how ineffective current protections are regarding malicious intellectual property litigation, the dangers of what it could become, and what I could do to defend it.

[LSATclincher]

I thought this was going to be odd, but it actually works. Need to improve the conclusion. I'd only use it if you're going to a law which specifically specializes in IP law.

[fats provolone]

make sure you put your APM on your resume

[LazyPaladin]

I thought this was going to be odd, but it actually works. Need to improve the conclusion. I'd only use it if you're going to a law which specifically specializes in IP law.

Yes, it was getting late and I just wanted to put something there to tie it up. Any particular suggestions? Also, I felt that it goes from an abstract focus, to me and then explains the context, but it seemed abrupt in my shift.

Does it have to be for a school that just specializes in IP? It's mostly because I'm not a STEM major but I'm interested in IP (not patents).

make sure you put your APM on your resume

I'm pretty sure that only works in Korea, in lieu of a traditional LSAT score.

[cbbinnyc]

This is a great subject for a PS. Definitely have somebody edit for grammar - lots of run on sentences and other sundry grammar problems.

You come off a little smug and self-satisfied in the last couple paragraphs. The thing about your "signature" shirt, smirking at the question, etc etc. I think you want to emphasize your enthusiasm and temper your pride a bit. ("I was humbled to be able to share my enthusiasm for video games on the same stage as honors students who were exploring such topics as ... etc etc.")

Also, the last paragraph needs to be cleared up. You are dismissive of the "why is this important" question, say something confusing about eliciting sympathy (also, are video games really a "niche" issue?), and then leap into an abstract discussion of the loss of ideas. I think you need to lead us into the IP discussion with some concreteness. Explain the problem of intellectual property protections, or lack thereof, in clear language before getting too poetical.

[LazyPaladin]

This is a great subject for a PS. Definitely have somebody edit for grammar - lots of run on sentences and other sundry grammar problems.

You come off a little smug and self-satisfied in the last couple paragraphs. The thing about your "signature" shirt, smirking at the question, etc etc. I think you want to emphasize your enthusiasm and temper your pride a bit. ("I was humbled to be able to share my enthusiasm for video games on the same stage as honors students who were exploring such topics as ... etc etc.")

I definitely didn't mean it to come across that way, but after re-reading it to myself...yeah, it does paint me as having a chip on my shoulder. I do love that pink tie though...

Also, the last paragraph needs to be cleared up. You are dismissive of the "why is this important" question, say something confusing about eliciting sympathy (also, are video games really a "niche" issue?), and then leap into an abstract discussion of the loss of ideas. I think you need to lead us into the IP discussion with some concreteness. Explain the problem of intellectual property protections, or lack thereof, in clear language before getting too poetical.

Yes, I definitely had some issues trying to draw it together, especially finishing this draft up later on in the evening.

Thanks for all the insight (to everyone thus far), I'm at least glad my topic is getting some approval.

[cbbinnyc]

I definitely didn't mean it to come across that way, but after re-reading it to myself...yeah, it does paint me as having a chip on my shoulder.

Oh I'm sure you didn't. That's what editing is for!

Good luck with your new draft.