All critiques welcome, thank you! Forum

[hamilton0306]

Editing

[sjp200]

A couple points that stand out to me. I am also in the process of getting my PS statement reviewed so I am no expert, but these are just my thoughts and opinions.

1. There's a bunch of tense issues with the statement. Many statements are clearly meant to be written as a past event but are written in the present tense. Ex:
"Some questions are easier to answer, while the others require extensive research and calculations." This already happened to you, so it should be past IMO.

"A Welcome Call will connect us and introduce me to David. It is a routine call, taking around 15 minutes." Same issue as before.

2. Too many rhetorical questions. Simply answer the questions while implying what the question was. Ex:
"Then why change gear to law school?" - This could be written more as a reason why you motivated yourself to pursue a career in law. Something along the lines of "I want to go to law school because [X]. My work has brought out my passion for [X]".

3. The first paragraph is kind of confusing. Most people when they reference "studying abroad" refer to leaving the US. Mention it more like "leaving my home country of ___ for The United States"

4. I don't find it very engaging, especially early. You pick up some steam when you get to the part about David, but even then it is more of you telling than you demonstrating through your actions your character traits. Ex:

" Since the day I got my first job in college (being a tutor), I have enjoyed working with people and helping them. The most delightful thing for me is to find that my act makes people’s life easier. And because I knew the hardship of adjusting to a different culture, when I worked around the expats, I put myself in their shoes and looked for solutions from their perspective. To me, each of them is a human in need, not just a customer to work for. "

This is more of you telling me your traits explicitly. On a side note, the "(being a tutor)" should be written in text without parentheses "in college as a tutor..."

5. The last paragraph is likely to be a turn off for law schools. The reference to XYZ Law school is obviously interchangeable if you do not add more distinguishing characteristics of the school.

[CanadianWolf]

I do not think that this is an effective law school PS. Your writing consists of "I did this & I did that" rather than offering analytical/reflective insights into who you are & how you became that person.

After reading this writing, I don't know anything about you other than that you are a real estate person indistinguishable from any of a thousand real estate agents.

[hamilton0306]

Thank you sjp200 and CanadianWolf! Really appreciate your replies! They are very helpful