[Deleted] Forum

[Anonymous User]

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[CanadianWolf]

Creative, sincere & relaxing.

Hopefully others will offer more constructive criticism than I have. I really enjoyed reading this work.

[4LTsPointingNorth]

Well written. Add an apostrophe after "parents" in your third paragraph.

My only complaint, and it's a major one--by the end of the essay you say that this place gave you a sense of who you are, and further, that this was an experience you'll never forget. But I still don't know who you are, what you experienced that you'll never forget, what your dreams are or anything along those lines. In other words, your personal statement is well-written but not very personal, or at least not very accessible as a conduit to get to know who you are and what brings you to the door of the schools you're targeting.

[Anonymous User]

Thank you. This is just the type of critique I wanted. I felt like something was missing, I just needed someone who wasn't close to me and aware of what the experience of Winter Session was to me to tell me what was missing. I really appreciate it. I will likely post an updated version in the next day or so, but even just re-reading my PS in a new forum made me realize what was missing, and where things were grammatically or thematically incorrect.

I also have a few other topics I have been toying with writing on - Winter Session and Naramata are just the ones that are very significant and formative but don't really show up in my resume or other application materials. I could write about my experiences working in specialty (3rd wave) coffee, or about my grandmother and some of her wisdom that I carry with me every day. I'm not sure what is the best course of action. Does anyone have any experience writing more than one PS to find the topic that best represents them?

[CanadianWolf]

I think that you are being a bit too critical of your writing. This work conveys an insightful depiction of who you are & where you are going. Just because the specifics are not included does not mean that this writing is deficient as a law school PS.

Law school personal statements are not supposed to be wordy resumes; they are to allow admissions folks to get to know & understand you better. In this respect, you have succeeded, in my opinion.

As a contrast, some of the most ineffective law school personal statements are wordy regurgitations of one's resume. Your PS shows depth of character, maturity, reflection & determination. The specifics are not as important as the insights.

As written, this is a reflective work that reveals a growing soul who is mature enough to realize her limitations, yet is determined to achieve her goals. This creates a memorable & positive portrait of you. What else do you want your PS to do ?

[ArmyRN]

Very well written. With that being said, I would say a lot depends on your stats. Above the average at the school your applying to it works because you have proven your maturity.

If you are near the average you may have to answer the questions they want (why law, what makes you a great candidate). I can't really identify what you learned about yourself on the beach. This awakening occurred 6 years ago, does that mean you've been out of college for 2 years? Did your spiritual or religious beliefs grow?

All in all though I enjoyed reading it, which is saying a lot. Usually I get bored about a paragraph into the PS. There is a beauty behind its simplicity.

[Anonymous User]

Stats:
Education- BA Drama/Sociology (from University of Alberta) '11 (started right after I turned 17, worked through summers/springs to finish in 3 years), Finishing a 2nd BA in Marketing, with a Journalism Minor (from Columbia College Chicago) in December.
GPA - 3.9 (for both degrees)
LSAT - first write June 2014 - 168; waiting on Oct 2015 scores (but anticipating somewhere around 173-175 - my PTs were consistently in the 174-177 range during my last few months of studying, but my score on the June 2015 PT was 174, so I'm hedging my bets around there)
Notable Work Experience: 2 years full-time manager at one of Canada's top independent coffee shops, Children's Programming Consultant for the Edmonton International Fringe Festival (1 1/2 years part-time) and Event Production Manager for an independent music production company. (4 years part-time)

I'm likely looking at Applying to Northwestern, Michigan, and Chicago; as well as Universities of Toronto, Alberta, and Calgary. Currently all the Canadian schools and Northwestern seem well within reach, with Michigan pretty close as well. Chicago currently seems like a stretch, but it will depend on how my LSAT score comes back.

Thanks all for the feedback, I'm not sure if it's clear that what I learned that day on the beach is inconsequential, it's that it's the moment that I can pinpoint as a transformative one, and why it was what I needed. I could talk about how that path was the one that eventually gave me the courage to pursue my dreams of going to law school, even though it was something that always seemed out of reach, and implausible - how my experience at Winter Session gave me the power to let myself be open to new experiences and to let my life change instead of always trying to control the direction in which my life takes me. The beauty of Naramata is that even though I have no religious beliefs, per se, my time spent in that place allowed me to be okay with the unknown and to recognize the good in myself and in others instead of fixating on what could be different - it's almost as though the spiritual aspect of it comes entirely from within.
There's a quote on the wall of the dorms I lived in while at Winter Session that said "In the midst of winter, I found within myself an invincible summer." and I really toyed with the idea of including it - but it feels contrived every time I try to add it in.

[CanadianWolf]

Are you Native American ?

[Anonymous User]

CanadianWolf - No, I am not. Just your everyday, run of the mill, Alberta girl of Ukrainian and French Canadian descent.

[cbbinnyc]

Sounds like you are in pretty good shape as is, but especially if you get an LSAT of 173+.

My only complaint, and it's a major one--by the end of the essay you say that this place gave you a sense of who you are, and further, that this was an experience you'll never forget. But I still don't know who you are, what you experienced that you'll never forget, what your dreams are or anything along those lines. In other words, your personal statement is well-written but not very personal, or at least not very accessible as a conduit to get to know who you are and what brings you to the door of the schools you're targeting.

I mostly agree with this. Because your numbers are in good shape, I don't know that you need to get really specific about "why law", but I do want to know what, exactly, you experienced that changed you.

Stats:
I could talk about how that path was the one that eventually gave me the courage to pursue my dreams of going to law school, even though it was something that always seemed out of reach, and implausible - how my experience at Winter Session gave me the power to let myself be open to new experiences and to let my life change instead of always trying to control the direction in which my life takes me. The beauty of Naramata is that even though I have no religious beliefs, per se, my time spent in that place allowed me to be okay with the unknown and to recognize the good in myself and in others instead of fixating on what could be different - it's almost as though the spiritual aspect of it comes entirely from within.
There's a quote on the wall of the dorms I lived in while at Winter Session that said "In the midst of winter, I found within myself an invincible summer." and I really toyed with the idea of including it - but it feels contrived every time I try to add it in.

Yes, but even if you talk about this, you're just talking about more feelings you had, not what actually happened. Did you write poetry, and that opened up a different side of your personality? Did you have a transcendent experience during a drum circle? Meditation? etc etc