Please be BRUTALLY honest with my PS; I'll return the favor! Forum
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Anonymous User
- Posts: 433417
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am
Please be BRUTALLY honest with my PS; I'll return the favor!
I appreciate any feedback you guys might have, and feel free to post your own PS for me to critique
Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Oct 21, 2015 6:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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cheesy143
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2015 10:04 pm
Re: Please be BRUTALLY honest with my PS; I'll return the favor!
I think this is a very good PS. very engaging. I would've liked more information about how you grew from this. A lot is on your mother but maybe it takes away from the focus on your development. Also I think the part about working 20 hours a week and helping your dad would flow better in the previous paragraph. I think you're a good writer and it shows but sometimes it caused some confusion. I had to read the lastsentence twice to understand it because it was a little convoluted. I think overall very good just make sure it flows well when you read it out loud.
Hope that helps!
Hope that helps!
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CanadianWolf
- Posts: 11465
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm
Re: Please be BRUTALLY honest with my PS; I'll return the favor!
Very strong PS. Very engaging & heartfelt.
A couple of minor corrections: I think that it should be "whom I met ", not "who" in reference to your boyfriend.
Also, since there was no indication of a "passion" for law, try "in pursuit of my legal studies".
A couple of minor corrections: I think that it should be "whom I met ", not "who" in reference to your boyfriend.
Also, since there was no indication of a "passion" for law, try "in pursuit of my legal studies".
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Anonymous User
- Posts: 433417
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am
Re: Please be BRUTALLY honest with my PS; I'll return the favor!
CanadianWolf wrote:Very strong PS. Very engaging & heartfelt.
A couple of minor corrections: I think that it should be "whom I met ", not "who" in reference to your boyfriend.
Also, since there was no indication of a "passion" for law, try "in pursuit of my legal studies".
Ah, I can never remember the who/whom thing, thank you! I like your end better too; I had wanted to mention law in there somewhere, but it didn't really fit so I tacked it on at the end. Thanks!
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Anonymous User
- Posts: 433417
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am
Re: Please be BRUTALLY honest with my PS; I'll return the favor!
I have a problem with writing long sentencescheesy143 wrote:I think this is a very good PS. very engaging. I would've liked more information about how you grew from this. A lot is on your mother but maybe it takes away from the focus on your development. Also I think the part about working 20 hours a week and helping your dad would flow better in the previous paragraph. I think you're a good writer and it shows but sometimes it caused some confusion. I had to read the lastsentence twice to understand it because it was a little convoluted. I think overall very good just make sure it flows well when you read it out loud.
Hope that helps!
Thank you for the feedback, it helps!!
