Please critique the first draft of my PS Forum

[Dante181]

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[Lawdork]

I was pretty uninspired. You saw your roommate's books and suddenly knew law school was the answer? That kind of made me roll my eyes. Also thought the subtle insult to bartenders was tasteless. Definitely remove that.

Writing can be cleaned up. "It was only years after having law school suggested to me..."--not a good sentence. And don't use words like "eruditely"

[marmadukeishere]

How this comes across:

I like studying. I don't see any jobs that I like. I'm not equipped for workforce. Law seems interesting. I guess I will go to law school.

I would really rethink this and take a different approach. This is not what they are looking for and doesn't set you apart from the masses who are applying.

[CanadianWolf]

The beginning & ending both have an error, while the middle contains little more than a repeated muddling desire to go to law school to have something to do that you imagine is more exciting than your book discussion group & better than working as a bartender or waiter.

USE "surprising thought", NOT "surprised thought".

"It was with a clear sense of how law school would help me achieve my career goals..." doesn't seem to be an accurate conclusion to your writing. My impression after reading your PS is that you have an imagined sense of what law school entails & I didn't get the impression that you had any well thought out career goals.

Overall, your proposed law school PS fails to distinguish you in any memorable way. You write well, but occasionally use too many words to say too little & you need to be a bit more careful with word choices, in my opinion. In short, the above two posters are correct.

[CanadianWolf]

Essentially, the theme of your PS is "Why I want to go to law school" and the answer is contained in the first three words of your writing ("That sounds fun.") Not much substance there.

[bnssweeney]

You've mentioned how you went through a bunch of job listings and how you didn't think you were qualified for anything else. To me, this suggests that law school is a backup.

[Dante181]

Thank you for the feedback everyone, this will be undergoing substantial revamping.

[Dante181]

deleted

[CanadianWolf]

Much better due to more substance. Your sentences, however, are too long. The beginning & end work, but are not powerful. The last sentence of the fourth paragraph reveals an important insight about you.