Personal statement & Yale 250 critique Forum

[Anonymous User]

Hi folks,

Would love any critiques you have. As context, I've been out of school and working for about three years now in consulting and digital media. Thank you!

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[Lawdork]

As for the Yale 250- Might go with a gender neutral "human" on top of a rocket. They may think you're trying to cleverly sneak an innuendo by them.

Other than that, A+. I kept thinking of that quote from Alfred (butler-Batman) in interstellar. "Don't go gentle into that good night, rage rage against the dying light (with the epic music in the background)"

[Companion Cube]

Yeah these are good. I noticed one or two grammatical errors, but you didn't ask for proofing. Your style is different but that's not a bad thing. I rather like the matter-of-fact tone.

[CanadianWolf]

Interesting & creative Yale 250.


"We must find out there great fortune or at home even greater woe." I don't understand the "greater woe" part.

Aluminum or titanium ?

[joeycxxxx09]

The 250 is very very good. I would take that off the original post before other people see/take

[CanadianWolf]

The PS is mostly a vanity piece that goes too far in the final paragraph. Clearly, you write well and are intelligent & motivated, and most readers will want to meet you & spend a night on the town with you so long as you share whatever you're taking.

P.S. The final two sentences of your personal statement are likely to be viewed as total BS by those outside of your industry.

[CanadianWolf]

After some more thought, I think that you know how to get attention for creativity, guts, & a bit of shock value. (Plus, you're correct. Spaceships are made out of both aluminum & titanium.)

[Anonymous User]

OP, here. Thanks for the feedback, all! Great catch on the rocket sentence (I could not unsee it once you pointed it out to me ), and I'll take another look at the last paragraph of the statement.