Personal Statement Rough Draft Critique Forum

[Anonymous User]

.

[CanadianWolf]

This is little more than a wordy restatement of your resume. The final two paragraphs are an attempt at writing a diversity statement. A glaring error in the final paragraph is that you raise a new issue (why those trips might cause more harm than good) without further comment.

[cbbinnyc]

This is little more than a wordy restatement of your resume. The final two paragraphs are an attempt at writing a diversity statement. A glaring error in the final paragraph is that you raise a new issue without further comment.

I agree with this. Right now, this is trying to do too many things. The good news is that you seem to have an interesting background and lots of good options for topics.

Given your background, you should certainly have a separate diversity statement, and, given that you have such an specific interest in the law, you should probably have a "Why X School" statement in which you show how the school can support your studies in your field on interest. You could talk about "why law school" in the PS if you want, but it really has to come our organically. Right now, it feels tacked on and, as Wolf said, it raises a new issues that you leave hanging.

Pick one thing in here and expand on it. Maybe the research mentorship? Running the Save the Children chapter? Stay away from sports (the basketball story) unless you have something truly unique to say.

ETA: This should happen naturally once you narrow your focus, and I know you are in early draft mode, but keep in mind that this should be 2 pages double-space (you can go a little longer, but if you can't fit your PS on two pages, you probably have unnecessary material). Right now, I'm guessing this is pushing 4 pages.

[CanadianWolf]

Develop a theme about something that substantially affected your emotional & intellectual growth & development. Share your reflective thoughts about an experience that led to how you view the world & your place in it. Let the readers know your conclusions which led to new insights & about any issues derived from your experiences that now are of concern to you.