Please Critique My Diversity Statement Forum

[Anonymous User]

Diversity Statement
My alarm clock sounds at 5:45 AM in the morning, while most of my classmates are still in bed. I rush to prepare myself for school and then leave my home in Baltimore city, bound for the University of Maryland at College Park—45 miles away. I catch the ‘19’ bus to downtown Baltimore, then the Marc train to College Park and finally the University’s circulator bus to campus. At around 7:58 PM, I catch the last Marc train from College Park to Baltimore city. My head usually hits my bedroom pillow at 11:00 PM, while anticipating tomorrow’s alarm. In total, my daily commute to and back from school would take up to 5 hours.
My harsh commute was a inevitable reality for me. My mother couldn’t afford a place for me to stay on or near campus, and I was far too young to procure my own private loan. Thus, I knew that commuting would be my only option if I wanted to attend the University of Maryland.
Albeit difficult, a few good things came out of my situation. My world became night and day in more ways than one. On the daily basis, I passed through two vastly disparate settings. During the day, I’d enjoy the immaculate and aesthetically attractive University of Maryland campus, with its multi-million-dollar academic buildings, breathtakingly beautiful quads and bustling economic community. At night, I would return to Baltimore city, where public-housing complexes, dilapidated school buildings and abandoned businesses overpopulate the peripheries of high rise, islands of wealth.
Witnessing this duality gave me perspective. It kept me grounded and dealt humility to every iota of arrogance that accompanied homage. Traversing between Baltimore and College Park was a forceful reminder that where I’m going must ultimately circle back to where I’ve been. My absent, drug-addicted father, the project complex to which I was born and the failing schools where I’d received most my early education are all sullen memories that paint my understanding of what is the reality for kids in Baltimore.
For whatever reason, I was lucky enough to be an exception. Therefore, I take very little for granted, and most everything as affirmation that I am meant to achieve. To me, a five-hour commute to receive my education became a welcomed challenge, an inconsequential obstacle to an unavoidable outcome, which would be myself, in a black robe, walking across a college graduation stage, making my mother fight back tears of joy.

[CanadianWolf]

"For whatever reason, I was lucky enough to be an exception." This reason should be the theme of your statement, rather than focusing on a commute that took you from one economically depressed area to an affluent city.

[lymenheimer]

Some of your sentence transitions feel forced or incorrectly used: "Albeit difficult", "On the daily basis". Also, please use the oxford comma. It really helps define how to read the sentence.