Please make comments Forum

[Anonymous User]

I know that this seems dramatic, and maybe it just stinks, but I am hoping that demonstrated leadership qualities set me apart. So I told a story where leadership played a role. Please let me know what you think.

In March of 2007 I was preparing to deploy to Baghdad, Iraq. It had been three years since the fall of Saddam Hussein’s regime, but the country was still being rebuilt and still very dangerous. As part of my preparations for the deployment, I attended a two week combat skills course. The course was designed to provide those without a combat related job, with a crash course on battlefield tactics, first aid, and responses to enemy threats. The capstone event for the course was a convoy mission to a hostile village to deliver a contracting officer.
My team leader was an attorney that held the rank of Major. He developed the plan of attack which was blessed by the instructors and then briefed down to the team. The Major’s plan seemed sound; our eight truck convoy would approach the village from the south, with two gun trucks in reserve as a quick response force, deliver the contracting officer and head out. Total time on station: no more than 10 minutes. We arrived at the village at around noon. The Major ordered the lead truck ahead alone in order to check for enemy resistance. The truck crept through the narrow passage leading to the village square without incident, waited for two minutes, and then radioed back that everything seemed safe. As the rest of the convoy began moving toward the objective, the lead truck was hit and disabled by an improvised explosive device. They set a trap for us and we walked right into it.
Excited chatter from the radio filled my truck; “The command truck is hit! The Major is gone!” It seemed like everything was moving in slow motion. My heart pounded. I was next in line for command. I didn’t know what to do. I was not a combat Airman, I was a paralegal. The Airmen in my truck starred at me as I grabbed the radio. The sound of small arms fire filled the air as simulation bullets pelted our trucks. “This is Name, I am assuming command, all trucks advance to the objective!”
The convoy began to roll toward the village under heavy small arms fire. “All trucks, fire at will!” I knew that we needed to achieve fire superiority if we were to successfully complete the mission. Our trucks fanned slightly and the sound of our rifles began to fill the air. I could see the enemy retreating and taking shelter in nearby buildings. We were beating them back. About 20 yards from our objective, mortars began to fall on us. They were sighted and ranged on the road and it was only a matter of time before they began falling on our trucks. “Incoming! Dismount and take cover in the tree line! QRF, approach from the south and provide suppressing fire.” As the QRF began to open fire on the village, I gave my last command of the mission; “move toward the objective!” As we began to advance on the objective, the termination horn sounded. We had successfully completed the mission. The total loss of life was confined to the Major and his crew, but as it turns out, his death was by design.
During my out brief with the instructors I was told that part of their curriculum was to test a junior ranking member’s ability to take over in the event of the commanding officer’s death. I was commended for my quick thinking and decisive leadership during a deliberately stressful situation. At one point I was asked when I felt that I should take over, to which I replied that I didn’t remember taking over, I only remembered trying to help everyone else accomplish our mission. It was instinctive for me. I recognized a gap in leadership, and knew that I could fill it, so I did. The only other option would have been to do nothing, which would have jeopardized the mission and place lives at risk. Of course, this was just a drill, a simulation, but this “face it head on and beat it” attitude is how I operate as a leader of Airmen to this day. I feel that this specific trait of instinctive and brave leadership is what sets me apart from other applicants, and I believe it is what the legal profession needs now more than ever. To me a career in the law requires leadership. Often times the job of an attorney asks you to help change a situation, for the better. Without a foundation of leadership, you cannot be brave or bold enough to challenge a situation that needs changed. I know that I have the leadership ability necessary to further this cause, I just need the legal education; I want to earn that at THIS LAW SCHOOL!

[benwyatt]

Post removed.

[Scalvert]

I would split this sentence into two sentences. Something like this:

During the interview, I was asked at what point I felt I should take over. I replied that I didn’t remember taking over, I only remembered trying to help everyone else accomplish the mission.

"Placed lives at risk" (rather than place), also omit the comma between "situation" and "for" in the conclusion, make "needs changed" "needs to be changed"...the last couple of sentences don't sound right to me. (Like they don't "fit", just my opinion)

I liked it. You told an engaging story. You used concise language, and you related your leadership qualities by showing leadership rather than merely saying that you have those qualities.

[Anonymous User]

The last couple of lines make sense when I plug in the specifics for the school I want. I was just trying to stay generic. Should I cut the story down?

[Scalvert]

The last couple of lines make sense when I plug in the specifics for the school I want. I was just trying to stay generic. Should I cut the story down?

Will it be over two pages after you make additions to the conclusion? If so, I'm sure there are things that could be omitted without taking away from the story. Wait and get a few more opinions before doing too much with it. I kinda like it as is (with minimal edits), but not being an expert on the PS, I could be very wrong.

[Anonymous User]

No. The last few lines are just reworded. It works, really. And it's just at 2 pages. This was drafted at work, so it needs editing for sure. Keep the comments coming and I'll keep working.

[cbbinnyc]

This is my thought, and I could be way off here (though I imagine other commenters will set me straight if I am) ... it seems like the link to law school at the end is pretty weak. It feels like it was tacked on and it sticks out. Your story is filled with specific language and images, but then you end with general language and it seems like you only have a vague idea of what practicing law actually entails. If you are going to try to connect your leadership to being a lawyer, I think it needs to be done with more clarity and specificity. Why law? Where exactly will your leadership come in handy? What do you mean specifically when you're talking about "changing a situation that needs to be changed"? Does this mean you are interested in public policy? Public interest? Etc etc. Cut the story down significantly (there are definitely room for cuts) and spend at least a third of the essay making the connection to being a lawyer.

All that said, I did find the story interesting. Not having any ad comm experience, I can't really speak to the efficacy of such a story in impressing admissions people, but it was pretty dramatic.

ETA: I should add that you don't necessarily need to discuss "why law school" in the PS, or so I have heard (though, from this essay, I'm guessing you've been out of undergrad for a bit, so it's probably a good idea). I'm mostly saying that IF you decide to make the connection to law school, it needs to be done with more specificity.

[inchipwetrust]

Great story, you tell it well & I became immersed in it as I read. Only critique would be less emphasis on strictly leadership, though still include it, but don't be scared to sell your other strong characteristics that are implied from the story, such as: quick thinking on your feet, surveying a situation and making a decision (analogous to law school exams and practice), adaptability, discipline, and ability to work well under stress. good luck

[CanadianWolf]

Interesting & well written PS. The last five sentences, however, need to be changed.

[Anonymous User]

Thanks all. A little background on the objective with this PS... Lawyering should be synonymous with leadership. Senators, congressmen, governers, all leadership positions. A quick Google search on "lawyers lack leadership" will bring up countless articles in publications from law schools, the ABA, and other journals that address the issue of why lawyers are poor leaders. I'm trying to capitalize on this, perhaps well known (maybe amongst lawyers) issue. If I had to put a finger on it is say that the good majority of lawyers were KJD tracked lawyers, sit here may it be a huge opportunity for "real" leadership. So that's what's up with my PS. I'm working it over now, and will post the second draft tomorrow. Please keep commenting!

[CanadianWolf]

In place of the final 5 sentences, consider:

My military training has taught me to act with confidence and complete dedication. These traits should help me to be an effective advocate for those seeking my assistance. Hopefully, my leadership qualities will be a welcome addition to Harvard Law School and to the legal profession.

[Htexasguy]

"It was instinctive for me. I recognized a gap in leadership, and knew that I could fill it, so I did."

This sounds like it was written in a book and sort of cliche. You didn't recognize a gap in leadership, you just followed the chain of command being the next in line after someone went down. You also didn't have a choice to fill it if you were next in line, so I think that last statement is a bit redundant.