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Anonymous User
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scone
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Re: Yale 250
The last couple of lines seems rather out of place as it stands - but in fact I think if you adopted that rather more tongue-in-cheek tone throughout the rest of the 250, it would be stronger & your personality would shine through a bit better. For instance, making the theme of the 250 the power of the passive voice, e.g. to destroy cities. The arguments themselves (e.g. all the stuff about the ball) are a bit dry and not really world-changing.
Smaller things: cut out 'aside from...' through '...else does' and 'which even...' through '...abomination'. It immediately reads snappier.
Good luck!
Smaller things: cut out 'aside from...' through '...else does' and 'which even...' through '...abomination'. It immediately reads snappier.
Good luck!
