Thanks for the feedback! Forum

[Widdle_Dumpling]

[deleted]
Thank you so much for the feedback guys! I'll be working on it and I might post the revision once I get a couple drafts done.

[Scalvert]

There are a couple of punctuation and usage errors, but I get the idea that this is a first draft that hasn't been edited at all. Also, there are some uniquely worded sentences, but I sort of like that. (just personal taste. Idk if this is the type of essay that lends itself to that sort of thing or not. But if you changed that, I think it would change the artsy feel, so .....that observation you did you no good whatsoever)

I like that the reader gets an idea of the person you are, and there's no mention of law at all. It will definitely be different. (I hope no AdComms who read this have any craptastic Kincades in their homes though! )

[CanadianWolf]

I don't think that you are going to enjoy law school or the practice of law.

[debdeb2]

You can write, but this essay would probably perplex the adcomms. They may wonder if you are simultaneously applying to MFAs and tossed them the wrong essay. (Or maybe you're aiming for Hamline's JD/MFA.)

That said, art could work as a topic for a law application essay. You'd probably want to get away from the family portrait concept, which requires too much explanation and ends on the sour note of confusing a professor, and instead focus on a topic that allows you to reflect on big-picture ideas (even beyond your current Platonic nod). I could see a discussion of intellectual property, property rights...and the visit to the museum, where you discuss a particular piece of art that stayed with you, has potential in the sense that it shows that you are able to reflect and analyze and create a memorable image for the reader. I would bet that you'd be able to do an extended metaphor essay where you tie together disparate art-related experiences that have the cumulative effect of showing you are able to write well, think deeply, and argue for a central point.

The explicit, central thesis could be whatever you wanted, but the implicit thesis of the essay does need to be "I am a great fit for law school." That's really the larger critique of this essay as it stands - at no point does the reader get the sense that you have law school as a goal in mind. This is why I recommend that you step back, and start over. Best of luck -

[Widdle_Dumpling]

The explicit, central thesis could be whatever you wanted, but the implicit thesis of the essay does need to be "I am a great fit for law school." That's really the larger critique of this essay as it stands - at no point does the reader get the sense that you have law school as a goal in mind. This is why I recommend that you step back, and start over. Best of luck -

Thanks for the critique--I'm a little iffy on this essay, but I've had people tell me they like it; granted, these people aren't law school admissions officers.
I've been debating going with the ~art~ theme or going with something more academic.

I'll look this over and try to make it more law school centric. Good luck to you as well.

[debdeb2]

The video game topic seems inherently awesome - give that a crack, see what comes. Silly sample opener: "Here is how the goddess Athena is not like Princess Peach, the maiden fair that Mario rescues at the end of Mario Bros.: Level One..." - a sentence construction like that is memorable, & gives you a chance to flash a sly sense of humor. I know nothing about video games - probably some of the adcomms will be similarly uninformed, so I would recommend limiting your pop culture references mainly to those which will not require lots of explanation.

I should have elaborated on implicit theses more. Ex: I've read excellent law school essays on fighting major wildfires, and on playing international rugby. Neither essay did a "why law" argument explicitly. However, both essays had themes of leadership, teamwork, performing under extreme stress, and excellence. Those themes all translate because they're skill sets that would be useful in law school. The implicit argument is that you have attained awesome skill A in arena XYZ; skill A translates to a hardcore academic environment.

For the Greek Goddess/Video Game topic, you'd could hit themes of excellent research/analysis skills, inherent competitiveness, and intellectual curiosity, for starters.

All the better if you are able to make the adcomms smile. No need to crack a joke, but I imagine there are descriptions from your research that have built-in amusement value, due to the topic at hand. If they smile, they are more likely to like you; if they like you, they'll be more likely to stand up for you during admissions review.


best of luck -