Please critique my PS Forum

[Rinihu]

Thanks. I am working on the changes.

[debdeb2]

Hi Rinihu - this is a more common PS topic than you may realize. It is also is risky, because it is so sensitive, and therefore trickier to craft a narrative around without feeling like you are exposing your deepest fears.

The Physics narrative did not appear to have any relation to the abuse narrative, so those topics may not work together in one essay. You would probably be better off choosing just one of the two.

If you choose to keep the topic of surviving domestic violence, I recommend re-focusing it around your support of other survivors. This would show the adcomms how you took action, and allow them to see you as someone who puts other people first. It allows you to illustrate strength and grace in the face of terrible difficulty.

I recommend that you do not focus your essay around any specific court case or incident. Do what you can to minimize content where bad things are happening to you - if there is a lot of focus on tragedy, that is the main point the adcomms will take away from your essay. While the personal statement certainly can have personal content, it often should not be the most personal story that you have. If it starts to feel too close to what you might talk to a therapist about, it might not be something that will work well for an admissions essay. Adcomms are professional strangers who are looking for a story that shows the best side of you; do what you can to tell a story where you come across as active, engaged and thoughtful.

Sometimes mentally re-framing the essay as a "statement of purpose" can help. Most schools use the phrase "personal statement," but if you look at the type of content some schools request in these essays, you'll realize they're looking for more of an essay on your career goals, plans and preparation. So you would want to get even deeper - it is not enough to say "I experienced this and want to help others." It is more meaningful to say "I have already started to help others by doing XYZ," or "I have researched career options and want to attend ABC law school because of its specialty clinic, focus on restorative justice and mediation, and its excellent family law focus," or "my dedication to topic X lead me to double-major in subject Y, which further enriched my understanding of ABC and convinced me to complete an internship at non-profit LMNOP. Through this internship, I realized that I would be able to best effect change by attending law school and working in the system." etc etc.

Best of luck

[TheodoreKGB]

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[Rinihu]

Ok. I will work on these suggestions. Is it safe to say that I should not mention at all my personal experience with domestic violence? In all honesty, it is the reason that I want to attend law school. I was trying to give a connection with astronomy being all about exploring and discovering things and how I discovered my desire for law school.

[benwyatt]

Post removed.

[TheodoreKGB]

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[Rinihu]

Ok. I will work on these suggestions. Is it safe to say that I should not mention at all my personal experience with domestic violence? In all honesty, it is the reason that I want to attend law school. I was trying to give a connection with astronomy being all about exploring and discovering things and how I discovered my desire for law school.

You can mention personal things like domestic violence and still have a strong PS, but you have to make sure you don't frame it in terms of your victimization, but rather in terms of how it made you a stronger individual and how that has helped you develop as a person

Ok. I see what you are saying.